Does what goes around comes around apply to the cheaters

[Brenda222]

I have been cheated on. After being together 7 years and 1 child he told me to move. He moved in his ex and his family. They are now sleeping in our bedroom with our child in the house and sometimes in the bed with them. Can anyone tell me of the karma that came back on someone who cheated on you!!! Why do the cheaters get the happiness and we get the hurt? Please tell me if anyone's cheater has gotten theirs!!! They say what goes around comes around. Seems it never comes around to him, only to me and he is the cheater.

[hexaemeron]

Sometimes, good things happen to good people. Sometimes, good things happen to bad people. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people and sometimes bad things happen to bad people.

 

There is no rhyme or reason to it, and I'm sorry for what you're going through. Truly. But wishing him harm or wanting some retribution will only further blacken your soul, and you need to do everything you can to heal, resume a happy life and be a positive influence for your child.

 

Obsession with karma will only result in continuing your pain.

[XxJustMexX]

My ex cheated on me several times, including with my ex best friend. He thought by tattooing my name on him twice he'd get me back, but I said see ya...

 

To this day he can't find a girlfriend that will accept that he has "Property of (my name)" right above his umm... manhood. And my name sprawled 12" accross his chest. Every girl has left him for that reason... Payback's a biaaaaatch. Actually, in this case, karma.

[lavenderdove]

I was married to someone who cheated on me and i dumped him... his 'karma' was that he ruined the good thing he had, and didn't get to have me anymore. he was eventually devastated by this, when he realized what he had sacrificed for just a fling.

 

But cheaters who are in the grips of a new affair may not really think about much but satisfying their 'new love' lust. But that fades, and he may come to his senses after a while, or he may not.

 

meanwhile, try not to focus on them but on you and your child, and living the best life you can for yourself. this will hurt for a while, but you will get past it. by the time he figures out he's thrown away something good, you'll probably be feeling great and not even want him back. that is when his chickens come home to roost.

[hexaemeron]

My ex cheated on me several times, including with my ex best friend. He thought by tattooing my name on him twice he'd get me back, but I said see ya...

 

To this day he can't find a girlfriend that will accept that he has "Property of (my name)" right above his umm... manhood. And my name sprawled 12" accross his chest. Every girl has left him for that reason... Payback's a biaaaaatch. Actually, in this case, karma.

 

Wow, even aside from being misguided, that's just tacky!

[shessofly]

i know you cannot see it now, but this guy was a real loser and you are sooooo much better off without him in your life. do you really want a relationship with someone who treats you so poorly, and whose family also disrespects you?

 

my ex did the same thing. he would leave the house for hours, many times all night and i had better not have the audacity to ask him where he was. by the time i finally dumped this guy my self esteem and confidence were not even existent anymore. i couldn't even look people in the eye. i was nervous and always afraid of what people were thinking, avoided social situations, felt ugly, etc. it effected every area of my life. i was in a very bad place and it has taken a very long time to crawl out of that gutter. i am still working on my confidence to this day.

 

i could not see it then but i am so thankful to have him out of my life now. you will see it one day too. this is all very fresh for you and you still have to deal with him because of your child, but don't waste your energy hoping some great evil will befall him. it's only going to effect you in a very negative way, and you don't need that on top of what you are already going through emotionally.

 

what will be, will be - in the meantime focus on healing from the relationship, maybe working out and eating better, focusing on positive activities both by yourself and with your son. hopefully you have supportive friends and family as well.

 

feel better soon.

[Brenda222]

Thank you all for all the advice. It has helped me so much. Funny, this morning I said I was going to start working out again. I guess to be honest I have been so focused on him getting his. I think I does happen to those cheaters but me sitting here waiting on it is not going to happen. I think it will happen when I least expect it and just like he has come back a few times in the past, he'll do it again. I just want to get on my feet and find a job. I think that me being out of work is keeping me so depressed. I've looked and look and no one is hiring me. Going thru the pain I lost jobs and couldn't hardly work. Now I want to work and buy another home. I know it will take me a few years but I'm willing to take that 2 years to get myself together. I did have the perfect job and couldn't hold on to it because of all the pain I suffered everyday. If I could just get work I think I will be fine. Hopefully it will come soon. Thanks for the advice. I don't know how to get the focus off him and him hurting me because every time I have to speak to him about our son he has a freaking cocky nasty attitude toward me like he is on top of the world. I never saw him give the ex this attitude when we were together. He would speak to her with kindness and concern, did this for his other ex also. So I will try, thank you. I don't know how to get the focus off the hurt but I will try.

[Brenda222]

One thing I have done that has helped me is this, no matter what he does, no matter what he throws in my face, and even when I found out he moved her into our home, I have never said anything to him about it. He met me once to pick up our son driving her car. I have said nothing to him about anything since I left the house. I have not argued about anything, never yelled, been pleasant with him when I speak to him and have had not one complaint from the day I told him I got evicted from my apartment and needed to come home to my house. He said I couldn't and wasn't welcomed there (even though he has moved back with me after 3 breakups during our 7 years together). That cause she had moved in. Well I do have another apartment now and just need work to keep it. I know the day will come when I can purchase another home. At least this time he can't ask me to move or put me out and can't move anyone in. I don't want to be in that home with all the infidelity that has gone on there in the bedroom but I know the day I do get a home I will never trust him to be in it to have someone else in my home ever again. It will be mine and my sons and anyone who is in there will be right for me. Oh, btw, during our breakups I never slept with anyone. The whole 7 years, never cheated so I know I don't have that to come back on me in the next relationship, hopefully I wont. But the messages to me helps. Thank you.

[shessofly]

well i hope if he does come back you will not let him back into your life. he sounds like poison.

[Brenda222]

I think he is poison. I do good and get it together til he comes around. The disrespect that has been done to me can never be mended. All I want to do now is get back to work and purchase another home. They say it gets worse each time you take them back. This was the ultimate disrespect when he moved this woman in and slept in our bedroom with him not even 3 mos after I was gone. I could never trust that the next time he won't have her in if we live together. I will never have him to be in my home again. And to sit and disrespect our son and put him in the bed with them. That just did it for me. Hopefully I will be blessed with someone who has a bit more respect. He not only disrepected me, he disrespected our home and our son. My son has heard her tell him that she wanted the house. Ex or not, how can any woman move into a home where another woman has only left 2 mos earlier and sleep with someone and then look the child in the face. The thing that puzzles me is that (Im glad) but she never goes anywhere with him and our son. All the years he was with her, before me, they never thought about making a purchase of a home together. Now they want to live in the one I helped to get. Everyone said he had to get rid of me because he couldn't show her his home he bought while I was there. So why didn't he just buy the home with her instead of me?

[CaptainNapalm]

Karma doesn't exist based on my life long observations and life's experiences.

[Brenda222]

I actually do kinda believe what goes around comes around. This is not pertaining to the issue of cheating but I just had to say this. When I was asked to move from my home I said nothing. The whole time I was hurting and still am my friend she would tell me to pray on it. She and other people were not very supportive of what I was going thru. I lost my apartment had no where to go. Even though I do pray but she found no real sympathy for me being out in the cold, sleeping in the car. I was told oh just forget about it like I could just forget about this woman sleeping in my bedroom with my son there. K, my car is down, I couldnt even get a ride from this girl. I had to go to the bank, took me 2 hrs to walk there and back, I never complained just was thankful I was able to walk and had feet to do it. This girl would not even come and give me a ride even though the night before she needed water and I got it for her. I never complained. She had no feeling about me being put out of my home and then evicted from my apartment. I was hurt but she acted like she didnt know what it was to hurt. Well tonight she called me. The house she is renting, forclosure note from the bank today. I cant do her like she did me. I am trying to comfort her and be a friend. It makes me mad what happened to her but its so funny, it seems like what goes around came around. Thats why I don't say anything about what anyone does and dont do anything to get even. I hope she finds a place. But when things happen maybe people should show a little more comfort to the ones who are going thru it you know.

[mikem]

They eventually 'reap what they sow' in some for or another. Unless they change, their 'harvest' is usually worse then what they sowed. It's sort of uncanny. You don't always know the 'timing' of it...

 

Whatever they did, the key is to get yourself healthy and move forward.

[Brenda222]

Thank you Mikem. I am really trying to do that. You know I don't wish no bad luck on anyone but I learned from the experience with my friend. Just do nothing and try to move past it and like you said it's timing for them. So I learned from this post I made that to sit and do nothing, just move past it and don't wait for anything to happen to them, just move past it and try to not let it rules me on how I treat others cause I don't want it to come back on me. Thank you for your support and advice.

[AMR]

Hi Brenda,

 

Definitely you are having a hard time.

 

As said by some other members I am also of the opinion that you are focusing too much on your ex and this is only a waste of energy for you.

 

Taking care of your son, focusing on your job prospects and in your healing and recovering your self esteem seem to me a much better priorities in your life that would bring you something positive.

 

Yes. I have been also cheated and dumped like a used tissue. Nasty really nasty.

No “get ex back” though for a while I really thought about it.

 

Though time and mainly the actions my ex GF showed me the sort of person she IS. So my conclusion was “I definitely do not want anyone like that around me”.

 

Would karma catch her up?

No point in wondering.

No point in loosing my time and energy thinking what would happen to the other person.

 

Recover your self esteem. Do gym or anything helps you get yourself back.

Focus on yourself and no one but yourself.

 

Believe in that way you will be helping YOU and your son.

And when one day comes and have the chance of an interview (and will come) then they will see someone positive and cheerful (or almost) and not one devastated and down.

 

People does not want to be around devastated people who only transmit negative energy.

 

I went through that path too…still recovering and after few weeks I started feeling better. I stop idealizing the person I spent 4 years of my life with and whom I devoted myself too. In my case she had an affair. We broke up and came back 3 times and finally she decided to move with her new “friend”.

She admitted did not love him… but for other reasons (he had plenty of friends and all that new excitement made her feel good).

My conclusion in this little story is that I definitely do not want someone who acts like that as my partner.

Wish her the best in whatever she gets into but what is more important: I wrote few sentences of how I do not want a person like that in my life.

Repeating / reading these sentences helped me not to have the strong feelings I used to have for her nor to hate her either.

Just to accept this is not the person I felt for.

Hating kind of backfires they say and I believe it.

 

Be selfish. And focus in yourself.

Know is hard per the situation you are in.

But is the only option for you…

[kaligrl22]

Karma does exist, or at least in my case. However, it never happens when you want it to. Short summary of my situation. Dated my ex for 6 years. He becomes a cop during the last year of our relationship, buys a house and has another gf for two months behind my back. Nasty break-up ensues, I'm devatsted yada yada yada I move on.

 

Fast forward 3.5 years. Just found out his house was foreclosed last month, the nutty chick he cheated on my with is 5 months pregnant and he's close to losing his job.

 

I on the other hand got to work/live in London for 6 months and am currently in Australia for a year with my company. I'm happy, healthy and single. Life couldn't be better.

 

Just live life and worry about yourself. Sometimes cheaters get pay back and sometimes they don't. But when they do.. boy is it sweet.

[Brenda222]

It seems like it does come back on them. The Lord does say vengence is mine so I know we have to just sit back and let him do it and not worry about the ex. I know now that that is the lesson.

 

I know its hard but I know we have to just move on with our lives. I know that they think when they cheat and hurt people that it seems like everythings a bed of roses for them but in the end if we move on with our lives one day we find out, when we least expect it, and when we are not even having our feelings with them that they do get whatever the Lord sees in return.

 

Thanks for all the advice. I am just trying to move on. I know I will get another home one day and will be fine if I just move on and try to improve me. Its hard to stop hurting when someone is constantly doing things that hurt you and you have a child. I guess the people he moved into my home will not see or believe how he did me because to them he is a model person. The man never spent a minute with his son til he moved them in so he looks like the model father. I guess I just want them to see that he is abusive and really know how he did me but I guess it will all come out one day. I think they are wrong for moving into my home.

 

The thing that makes it easier about him not coming to the door to bring his son is that I dont have to see him and that makes it easier and the less he speaks makes it easier too.

 

Thanks for the advice you guys.

[Brenda222]

Sad part is that I grew up with both parents, he didnt, he is from a broken home. Sad part is that he put this on his son, he chose to have his son grow up from a broken home. Its rewarding to grow up with 2 parents but my child will never see that. So I now see who this cheater is more concerned with, his son or himself, its obvious that as much as he accuses me of not caring about our son that he is the one and that he is concerned more about himself and his appearances to others, not the hurt he has put on his son. One day he will see that but until then Im trying to focus on me.

[benb]

I'm a "scientific" kind of person so I don't believe in karma at all, at least not in the usual mystical sense.

 

There is ONE kind of "karma" that usually happens in this situation that might comfort you: people don't tend to change. If he did this with you, he'll most likely do it with the next girl.

 

I'm not recommending thinking devilish thoughts about this or anything, but just be comforted knowing that no matter how happy his new fling may be right now, chances are very high that she will suffer the same fate as you in the end. Only this time, SHE was the home-breaker, so she deserves it.

[moonbug]

I have a lot of ideas about karma and how it works and stuff like that. Really, I almost have like an algorithm of sorts that I can refer to, to know how it will act out in a given condition. LOL I am not crazy btw, just that this karma thing has fascinated me for years now. So a lot of overthinking has resulted in this. Anyway, I am not going to bore you with my analysis of it all.

 

In your situation, I think "a watched pot never boils" applies more than anything. You just let him be and do what he is doing. And justice will be done, just when you don't care for it anymore. Plus, should something bad happen with the douchebag, the new girl is going to be affected badly, now that they are in a relationship. That is not a very good thing to hope for since she doesn't deserve to pay for his crap. Maybe thats whats keeping the whole thing in balance right now.

 

You just focus on your life and see for yourself who 'comes out' happy. Trust the goodness of the day.

[Brenda222]

Thank you guys for the advice. I am really getting to the point where I dont care. When he picks up his son, I make sure I dont see him that way I dont think about feelings. I dont sit and cry anymore or get depressed about him like I used to. I think she is part of the problem. I blame him first because he knew we lived together. I blame her because she is sitting in my home, has my name on it and knows that. She knew when she moved in that that was my home. Moved in a month after he put me out. Everyone said they had it planned. I dont want to be in a home where they have been having sex in my bedroom and am just praying to get back to work so I can get another home. I wish I had a job. Someone told me recently. The way the Lord lets you get even with the person who dogs you, The Lord lets you do good. I cant wait til I can do good.