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I have my answer..now, what next?


vontiki2000

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Well..the girl I have been casually dating just told me that she doesn't think that we should pursue each other anymore. I have to respect that and I understand where she is coming from. She is in a transitional phase of her life and may even be temporarily moving out of state soon. She stated that, because of her intensely busy schedule and the prospect of moving, she is reluctant to move forward with me for fear of getting hurt. Although I really feel a connection with her and was hoping for something more, I do understand her reasoning and I trust that she is being honest. But, nonetheless, it still hurts like hell. She is an amazing woman. Now...I have a few thoughts rushing through my head that maybe somebody here can help me resolve. She emphasized that she wants to stay connected. I know that typically, one should absolve all contact. But, I'm ok and I think maintaining a relationship with her, albeit plutonic, may be for the best. We have many mutual friends and I am convinced that contact, in some way, shape, or form, is inevitable anyway. To be totally honest though, there is a part of me that wants to remain in contact with her hoping that things may change. And, when and if they do, I'll still be around. I know that waiting for her is not an option right now, but if the opportunity to be with her ever presented itself again, I would absolutely be open to taking it. I guess my intentions now should be to support her decisions and show her that I truly and sincerely care about her and want her to be happy. I assume that taking the high road this way would put me in a better position to seize that opportunity if it ever comes my way. So, should I stay connected with her?

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I told a guy recently that I did not like him in a romantic way and would like to be friends and I meant it. He seemed like he was for being friends too. He was funny and interesting to talk to. I was not meaning that we were going to be besties, FWB or become a couple later on. But I genuinely enjoyed talking to him and saw the value in keeping contact.

 

I made the mistake of talking to him about another guy and he for a while seemed okay with it. Later on, he got really nasty and I do not talk to him anymore. You should keep in mind that if she thinks you are cool with being friends, she may think it is okay to talk about a wide range of topics and the topic of other men may come up. That may make you very uncomfortable and you don't want to become mean to her.

 

If you were just seeing each other casually and had no mutual friends, I would say let it be. Especially if you did not know each other beforehand.

 

However, you have mutual friends so you probably would want to remain cordial with her. I would not spend alone time with her if I were you. If you both just happened to be amongst friends, that is fine. I would also keep the conversations light and positive and don't get too personal with her. If she starts talking about something you are not comfortable with, make sure to tell her so in a mature way. Set the necessary boundaries for yourself and her.

 

Also, do not expect a relationship to happen with her. She says she is busy and does not want to be hurt...which is a nice indirect way of saying that she likes you as a person, maybe as a friend but is not that into you. It is the classic "its not you, it's me" speech. I had a guy use that line on me too in the past. If she was interested, she would want to keep seeing you and would see potential for a relationship with you. She would not want to cut you off and risk that you may be seeing other women.

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Definitely stay connected to her. I think you have all the reasons why listed in your post. If you two had this connection and it's just a bad time for her right now, in staying connected to her you can be someone who is there during this time. And maybe your bond will get stronger even.

 

I think you have thought this out well.

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Thank you all for responding. I know that it may be a longshot, but I needed to hear the things in your posts right now. We did have a connection and I'm convinced that her reasons for backing off now are legitimate. I do want to be there for her and hopefully she can tell I'm sincere and our bond does grow stronger.

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Stay in contact with her every now and then, but be sure to open yourself up to other opportunities. I still maintain that no matter how busy I am, if I meet someone I really like, I will make it work... I think you deserve someone who is totally into you and makes that time and effort for you!

 

Ammy

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