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Something's lacking....


adiBug

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About six months ago my fiance and I decided to wait until we are married to resume having sex. We started off pretty hot and heavy, and we did this to work more on the emotional side of the relationship since this was something we want for the rest of our lives. I am fine with the no intercourse. We still have oral sex, and masturbate each other but....something is missing.

When this does happen, (maybe once or twice every couple of weeks) It has become robotic, and not intimate at all. We don't have any foreplay, no kissing, If I try and initiate something like that he tells me to stop. I basically go down on him, and them he takes his turn at me and we go on our way. He doesn't make out with me anymore, we kiss, but its comfortable. He plays with my boobs but its childish almost. Im frustrated, and this lack of intamacy is really wearing on me, and starting to build some anger almost.

Ive brought this up so many times, and it upsets him, and we end up arguing. He said he still wants me and has desires for me, but I just dont feel like he does the way I do. Im tired of getting nowhere with this, and I have no idea what to do about this. Is he avoiding intimate contact like we used to have to avoid feeling urges to go all the way? I need some advice on this. He completely went from a totally confident sexual guy to someone who reminds me of a 14 year old experimenting for the first time. Its really weird. Please help.

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?!?!?! Why did you decide to stop having sex? Are you guys in some crazy religion that prohibits it? It obviously isnt working for you. I'd tell him you need to drop these lame requirements between you or youre out.....

 

... but how do you really feel, renegade? -- I don't think it has to be like that, but I wanted to ask because, if you have something, and then remove part of it, yes, of course, the situation is going to change.

 

If I leave out apples of my apple pie recipe, my finished result won't be apple pie.

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Yes, something is missing because you drew a line. You either have to have NO sex until marriage (hugging, kissing, anything with clothes on is okay) or you have to have full sex. Masturbating in front of eachother may be hot to some but it loses its luster. Oral sex is still sex. Maybe he tells you to stop kissing him because to him it leads to full sex.

 

Once you have had sex with someone and its not just a one time deal, it is hard to go back to not. I would recommend that you go back to having sex and work on the emotional aspects of the relationship at the same time.

 

My boyfriend and I are working on the emotional aspects, but that means that we sit and talk and end up talking so late there is no time for sex, but when we have it its hot. We don't say "no" to sex. It is just mereely not the "only" thing and occasionally it doesn't happen. For some people, sex is connected to emotional intimacy. Sometimes we have our deepest conversations after sex. Also, no sex could feel like rejection to him.

 

You can't control how the relationship started. If you had sex, you can't take it back.

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I am a bit confused here. I'm not sure what the point is of stopping intercourse, but continuing in all other things sexual.

 

May I ask why this is such a huge deal? I'm not trying to be argumentative, just trying to understand.

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Let's face it.. a dumb idea is a dumb idea. I've had them in relationships too lol.

 

You know the problem... so fix it. After all, what was the no intercourse idea designed for? To improve relations? It seems to be doing the opposite - time to fix it.

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I'm all for the sweet and romantic gesture of cutting yourself off for 6 months before the wedding to make the wedding night better but it's clearly causing a problem here. Or something is.

 

Have sex and see if that fixes the problem, if not go back to not having sex and figure out what is causing the problem.

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