Am I headed down a dangerous path??

[achick05]

For months now, I haven't been able to sleep through the night. I'm constantly waking up over 15 times in only 4-5 hours. My mind is constantly running. It doesn't matter what I do that day, if I'm busy or relaxed; I just can't stay asleep. I've been married for almost 5 years now and lately I haven't felt the same about him like I did before. I know he's there and he tells me he loves me all the time but I don't FEEL it. Lately I feel like he is merely a roommate. When we have sex, I feel disconnected and sometimes like there isn't anything there.

 

I have contemplated suicide numerous times, from childhood thru my teen years and here within the past several years actually. I don't have anybody I can TRULY trust with my feelings except for my husband but how can i tell HIM that I have these feelings??? How I can tell him that I would rather just drive off a cliff and leave everything and everyone behind? I cry uncontrollably and even on a good day, I can be having the best day and then in a moment's turn have a sad thought and end up in tears.

 

I feel like I've fallen on to a dangerous path and can't find the light at the end of the tunnel. I've tried talking to my closest friends but they are tired of hearing about my problems so I haven't mentioned this to them anymore. I pretend that everything is fine. I don't know what to do. I am so down and depressed that it is hard for me to focus on anything and when I do, I feel like a complete failure.

 

My head hurts, my heart feels like it's being pulled in every direction because I don't know which way I want to go. Do I stay here and feel miserable with no answers about life and why I am here or do I just take care of the issue and leave people with peace and the fact that they won't have to worry about me anymore?

 

I am so lost and the path is quickly becoming a current pulling me under.

[renegade43]

1. Tylenol PM...it changed my life

 

2. You need to speak to a therapist. No relationship is worth taking your life. Thats terrible that your husband isnt treating you right, but it can be fixed. Just have faith in yourself

[coolgirl]

From reading your post. First of all let me say is that sucide is not the way around. I know that you might have your days were you just feel like nothing is working for you but I'm sure you would be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But to me it sounds like you dont know what it is you want anymore. Let me ask you a question if you like you could answer if not thats okay too. Are you having any problems in your marriage that your feeling like this towards your husband?

 

Also its okay to try cry too. Even if its in your good days or bad. Sometimes you just have to let everything out. You cant keep everything bottled up inside because sooner or later your going to explode because I had this myself a couple of times. I'm sure that you dont want it to lead were your going to have a breakdown bc I had this myself a couple of times and really the feeling of a breakdown is not that good I can tell you that for sure.

 

In the meantime try to get into counceling and talk about your feelings. Do you have insurance that can cover your expenses? In my opinion I would go to counceling first talk about what your feelings to the counselor and mention the feeling you have toward your husband and see what kind of advice you can get. I'm sure with the way your feeling right now I'm sure of it that you dont want to make a rational decsion when your not in the right state of mind right now.

 

Because when I was not in the right state of mind at the time being I made irrational decsions. So get help for yourself first then decide from then on whether you want to tell your husband about the feeling you have towards him. I hope this was a bit of a help. PM me if you like to talk more.

[doityourself]

sounds like your having alot of anxiety

 

Are you on meds for depression or anything?

[achick05]

i can't afford a therapist and i honestly don't think they can tell me anything specific to MY life that would help me. they can try to figure out where the problem initiated but i need the answer, not the problem.

 

my husband treats me well but of course in my mind i want it like how i see it in the movies. with the difference of today versus 20 years ago, it's far different. it's like i want what i can't have. i would rather live back in the times where there was no internet or other temptation and where people wanted to spend time with their loved one, friends and family

[achick05]

i told a friend about my issues and she gave me some of her prozac to calm my mind but that's about it. i really hate taking any sort of pills.

[doityourself]

No dont take any meds that are not prescribed to you, these are some serious drugs that you can have major side affects from.

 

Please dont do that. If you cant afford a therapist, and no they will not give you answers they will teach you how to cope. Try a support group, talk to friends, see what your county has to offer for free.

 

You need to talk to your husband, let him know whats going on inside.

[coolgirl]

i can't afford a therapist and i honestly don't think they can tell me anything specific to MY life that would help me. they can try to figure out where the problem initiated but i need the answer, not the problem.

 

my husband treats me well but of course in my mind i want it like how i see it in the movies. with the difference of today versus 20 years ago, it's far different. it's like i want what i can't have. i would rather live back in the times where there was no internet or other temptation and where people wanted to spend time with their loved one, friends and family

 

 

Do you have insurance to cover the fee's? I had the same problem with therpy as well. I thought that they couldn't help me either. But you know every therpist is different you just have to choose the right one. I actually went to a psychologist once. And she wasn't helping me at all one bit. When she thought she was she wasn't. So I choose another psychologist. He didnt help me. But I needed the medication. So I tried therpy. Reason being I went to a pscycholoist was that I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression and have Bipolar Disorder and had to be placed on meds. I attempeted sucide so many times, I had so many breakdowns, I ended up in the hospital more than 2 times and got placed in Psych Ward and honestly its not woth the pain.

 

I know your not a big fan of taking pills seriously I"m not either but sometimes you need them to help you to feel better. I tried different sort

of medications myself and some of them didnt work for me. But now I'm on the right medication and on the right dosage. Dont take anything over the counter for now. If you can go to your primary Dr tell him/her whats going on and ask them to prescribe you some sort of medication for you.

And ask your Dr if he/she can refer you to a good therpist that doesn't cost as much that you can be able to afford. Let me know how things go.

 

Also I'm sure support groups are offered. So check into that as well. When I was going through my divorce and wasn't coping well I found a free support group and they do help alot. They take the time to listen to your problems and help you in anyway they can.