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The "Friend Zone" after a breakup


Loxxt

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I wanted to know if anyone's had any experience where an ex who broke up with them/left them for someone else has tried to friendzone them.

 

My ex is doing this to me and it's making me feel so disposable and I get the vibe that he thinks he has me as a friend and can just waltz back into my life whenever he wants to. The problem is that it's so hard to deal with it because he's being so "nice". Obviously what he did to me (leave me for someone else after 4 yrs of being together) and then acting like it was just for the best then telling me how sorry he is that he gave up on us then telling me he wants me in his life as a support system.... it's so confusing and hurtful.

 

So, anyone know how to deal with this or what to do or say (if I should say or do anything at all). I've made it quite clear that with me it's all or nothing but he's just not getting it. I've gone NC for the last time. I just don't know how to avoid him trying to keep me on the side cuz that's how it feels.

 

I know I shouldn't really be afraid to lose him by going NC because right now the alternative is tearing me to pieces.

 

I'm looking for any and all direct or second hand info on the friendzone. Why people do this, how to avoid it and how to deal with it.

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I get the vibe that he thinks he has me as a friend and can just waltz back into my life whenever he wants to.

 

he wants me in his life as a support system....

 

I just don't know how to avoid him trying to keep me on the side cuz that's how it feels.

 

These are exactly why he's doing it. He could want you as a fallback, he is using you as a support system. Don't do it to yourself! You need to go NC asap.

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Because he's selfishly easing his own guilt by saying he wants to be friends. I would simply tell him that by being his friend, would not benefit you from healing and moving on.

 

And at the end of the day, would you really consider a guy that dumped you for someone else a friend?

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Yes, one of my exes tried to do that and I went along with it for a while until I realized the toll it was taking on me. So then I just told him I couldn't deal with it and it's better if he stop contacting me. Then I went NC and had to deal with that pain all over again. But it was the right thing to do.

 

Unfortunately I sense myself getting into that situation with my current break up, so your post is a wake up call for me. Thanks!

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Dont make the same mistakes i did by being friendzoned while one day your hoping to get back together,because friendzoning does breeds false hopes- and he just cuts contact with you.

Nip it in the bud,dont be a back up you'lll never be first in his life.

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Thanks guys.

 

I know I need to keep NC. I'm 90% sure that if he does go to the army that he'll try to contact me because he said we deserved to meet "as friends" before he leaves.

 

I just have no idea what to respond or if I should respond. I know he needs to know he's lost me and threw everything we had away and there's no possibility of having a true friendship at this point or even ever unless he accepts what he's done to our relationship.

 

If he is accepted, he will be leaving in april, also my birthday's that month. I think the only reason I'm afraid to stand my ground is that he'll just throw in the towel completely. But like Heart said, do I really consider someone who did this to me a friend? Why should I be afraid to lose the person who's caused me the most pain in my life. He's also been the greatest source of love and joy. It's so hard to know what to do.

 

I know that giving him any part of me will only hurt me. But it hurts me just as bad if I don't.

 

It's days like these that make me wish I never met him.

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Yeah I was pretty taken aback by that. Even after my previous message said if he didn't want to work on "us" that we should leave it be. Next thing I know he's telling me all about his future plans and yes... said, "So in the meantime I thought you and I deserve a chance to talk as friends before I leave."

 

To me he was basically saying, "Okay yah what you're saying is nice and all but I think we should do this (for his benefit)."

 

So yes, I'm saying, "See ya" in the form of NC.

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Lol, yah I guess what I deserve is a little respect and for him to take his self righteous bull and shove it.

 

I had to look up what a P45 was but it fits, hehe.

 

now thats what i like to hear!

 

yeah a P45 in the UK is that lil piece of paper employers give you when they give you THE SACK

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now thats what i like to hear!

 

yeah a P45 in the UK is that lil piece of paper employers give you when they give you THE SACK

 

Thanks! I'm happy I'm starting to detach myself from him. I don't feel like a sad puppy anymore.

 

Too bad though, cuz I'm actually starting to get over him. My low points are less intense and happen frequently. This morning was one of them, the last time was probably a week ago when we last spoke via txt.

 

Yaayyy!

 

+100 points for me

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