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How do you get past the...


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...point where you realise you were a moron in the realtionship. I'm not talking cheating, abuse. I'm talking where you were just a plain outright idiot and didn't realise what you had. Or you knew, but you kept pushing and pushing even though you knew at some point, after a few near misses, you'd royally mess it up.

 

 

And i don't even mean when you look at it now with rose tinted specs - i mean when they told you what the problems were (probably) and you just carried on.

 

I said thanks during our breakup for making me realise what i needed to do, and what i'd been doing to cause it. She said it shouldn't have taken this to make me realise that - and she's right! That thoughts going to hang around a long time i tell you.

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You just accept that you were a moron and resolve to remember that the next time you feel the urge to act like a moron in the future.

 

Pretty much all you can do. Just accept what happened, forgive yourself and hope for the best next time you get a chance with them or someone else.

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Yea you just have to accept it and remember to be different next time. As long as you are better in your next relationship, everything will be better. Because really, if they reallllly loved us, they'd stay with us even though we're morons. Or they'd communicate and work with us (especially because it's not like there was abuse or cheating).

 

Breakups are soooo hard but the most important thing is that we really do learn from them and improve our relationship skills for next time.

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I agree to a point. Taking the good with the bad i suppose. I know i did. There was communication in mine however. But i guess i just needed it drilling into me and she didn't get that. Not tell me something she didnt like, and just quietly sigh and hold it in if i did it again. I wish she'd got angry and told me time and time again. I dunno, it's like a hell of a kick up the backside this - it's really what I needed . To me it's so obvious now. All i can do it work at it now, work at myself. I can't change the past but by god if i ever got another chance now i'd relish it so so much.

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Yea you just have to accept it and remember to be different next time. As long as you are better in your next relationship, everything will be better. Because really, if they reallllly loved us, they'd stay with us even though we're morons. Or they'd communicate and work with us (especially because it's not like there was abuse or cheating).

 

Breakups are soooo hard but the most important thing is that we really do learn from them and improve our relationship skills for next time.

 

I disagree. If you just keep ignoring what they're trying to communicate to you, there's going to come a point where they don't want to deal with it anymore. They'll try to work with you, but they're not, and shouldn't wait on you forever to change if it's never going to happen.

 

That said, i think that if you truly realize what you had, and what you did wrong, then you're going to want to change it. You shouldn't want to change for the other person, but you should be doing it for yourself, or else you'll never stick with what you're trying to change. You've just got to take it for what it is, realize that they're gone and will most likely never come back, and be more thankful for what you have in the future.

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You also have to accept that it takes to two make a relationship work and two to make it fail......sure, she had some issues with you, but Im sure she wasnt perfect either.....

 

Dont talk the blame for the demise of the relationship.....recognize your faults and just understand that it meant that you guys were incompatible.

 

I wouldnt eat all of the blame here. It sounds like the lesson you have learned is not that you are a moron and were the reason for the break up, but that when your partner speaks to you about issues or concerns they have, moving forward, you need to be attentive to those needs.

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I know where you coming from, and trust me I feel like an idiot as well. I had over a month to pin point my mistakes and work on them and fix them, but I managed to screw everything up. Well she also had her faults, but I have to agree that it was mostly on my end.

 

Man... You know what the problem is as well? That like, after a while we tend to forget lessons that we have learned in the past. When you fall into another relationship, and everything seems to be going well, then you relax and forget about past mistakes. And ultimately if it is within your nature you end up making them again. Now THAT is scary.... and it is something that I am very scared off.

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I think there are arguments on both sides here. For me, i regret we got to the point that she simply refuses to talk. I never thought we were at that stage, and in some ways i blame her for building it up inside so much because she's pretty much called time without discussion. Now i accept that i did said some horrid things, but i also know i did some really nice things. This is our first proper break up - we've certainly come close but that was me during those times, but never broken up (listen to me talking like its temporary!) so this is the first time ive actually had time to reflect on it a lot and in some ways i see it, infact, i'm forced to see it- as a good thing. How it works out, who knows. But i'll be better placed.

 

You are right, it's hard to not fall into old habits. I think you need to try and make it work, not silly effort when it's obvious its going wrong, but have some rocky moments to learn from, and also appreciate more the good times and not take for granted

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I'm in the same boat as well. Feel like a moron as well since I had a good person to be with and kinda dropped the ball. I fell into old habits and did not look to commit more into the relationship. I can't say anything bad about her except that she was too good to me. Kinda humerous now to even think about it but I actually told her that. It's a shame to think that only huge changes can come about when the sh*t hits the fan. You know you can improve and wish you had a second chance because you love her but is it really love when you didn't feel the need when you were in a relationship with her? I also find it scary that you can fall into old habits and make the same mistakes. This is my second time falling into this huge emotional hole. I guess I'll keep falling until I really change for good. That's the only way we'll learn.

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