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advice in making friends


m635csi

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Hi guys, I am in uni (second semester) and although I have small talk occasionally with my classmates, nothing more comes out of it.

 

I admit I had (and still do) have some shortcomings. The previous semester i was introverted (I rarely talked with others), my fashion sense was really awful, I couldn't drive, was overweight and socially anxious. I lost some weight and my fashion sense improved, and I can drive now. I'm still socially anxious, but not as much as before.

 

(the previous paragraph was off-topic, but I added it so that y'all get to understand me a little more)

 

 

Any help is appreciated and if you have any questions I'll do my best to answer them.

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You know, I didn't really make many lasting friendships in college, and the ones I still have (sort of) I met through obligations other than classes.

 

How about getting a part-time job? That's pretty much how I make almost all of my friends is through work.

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I always thought I was weird because I didn't make any lasting friendships in college. Sometimes you just don't gel with people. I've often tended to be friends with people older or younger than me.

 

Did you have problems making friends at school, or is it just at college? I went to see a counsellor when I felt I was having problems making friends and she helped me develop various strategies to use in social situations. I then had the most fantastic time socially for the next year. Sadly, nearly a decade later I'm only in touch with one person from that group, but people move on with their lives.

 

Join clubs or groups and meet people that share similar interests.

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alli - A job would be nice, but I'd rather focus on my studies (as I want to change to an engineering major)

 

lucy - It was easier for me to make friends at high school. I would join clubs, but I feel the same would happen again. I might do the counselor thing if time allows.

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If you can hang in social situations that you don't normally spend time in, that's a sign that you are comfortable with yourself. This does not entail being a party animal or clown, but just being able to be at peace with the eb and flow of whatever is happening, contributing in some capacity to whatever is going on. If you talk to one person, great. Two, even better. If someone is going to judge you in a negative way, then that person is not someone worth releasing your energy towards.

 

The other day, after a music concert I was in at school, I walked accross the street by myself to the bar and grill to get a drink and an appetizer. Before the food came, several classmates walked in and invited me to join them. That was actually the first time I had been invited to join other students to just hang outside of school like that. I just fit right in, not thinking about it. Just enjoying the time spent with them and sending the positive vibes around, and then split and went home after they decided to go somewhere afterwards.

 

You make friends by talking to someone in a friendly way, as if you already know them, before you know them... if that makes sense. It's not rocket science, but it can seem like that if you think that there must be some secret. In fact, I just made one yesterday and we've been texting quite a bit today. We might hang in a few days. She's friends with a close friend of mine. The more people you know, the more doors open up. I couldn't have met her if I didn't meet her friend.

 

Human relationships are not difficult to form if you just take them for what they are.

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Hm.. I am Introverted also. I love it because I like time to myself more than with others and am happy with my solitude... I HATE small talk so I don't engage in it(very much) as I find that I am better at deeper conversations... most people don't like surface topics as well so if your like me just make the conversation deeper and ask about things that are inprtant to them, what is their goal in life, how they feel/think about things

 

To the point....... just talk to anybody, anywhere, anytime, any place. Being an introvert I know it's tough which is why I had to push myself out of it (my comfort zone... as I am still introvert) by going out to the mall and just talking to random strangers for an hour every other day until I got the feel of it. Now I'm 100% happy alone and 100% happy with people. The best of both worlds

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You know, I looked up the definition of "introvert" one day, and it's different than most people think. Being introverted doesn't mean you are uncomfortable in social situations, it just means that your threshold for pleasure is lower than that of an extroverted person. For example, an extrovert may need to go skydiving to get the same level of enjoyment that an introvert gets from having coffee with a friend, or reading a book. Whereas an extrovert gets more energized in social situations (for example, a loud, crowded party), that same sitution will suck the energy out of an introverted person.

 

As an introvert, you inherently enjoy time by yourself & doing low-key things more than an extrovert. But you are NOT inherently socially uncomfortable because you are introverted, and if this describes you, that is an entirely separate issue from your introverted personality. This would be the result of social anxiety, rather than because you are inherently introverted.

 

As an introvert, you might not enjoy a lot of socializing, but if you are socially uncomfortable & experience social anxiety, it is not BECAUSE you are introverted. Just wanted to clear that up. There's nothing wrong with being introverted, it is a part of your personality & who you are. But don't dismiss yourself & say "Oh I'll never be able to make friends because I'm introverted" because it isn't true!! If you do feel uncomfortable putting yourself out there, maybe you should see your Dr about social anxiety & see if they can give you a reference to someone who can coach you & help you feel more comfortable in social situations. I also agree with SoMuchLove that you should try to just do it and "fake it til you make it". Try to meet people in classes or other places, and make plans to hang out some other time. Go bowling, swimming, a bar, etc. I think I used to be more introverted than I am now. I preferred to spend weekends by myself doing my own thing. Now I think I enjoy speding time out with friends on weekends & it sucks when there's no one I can hang out with! But whatever your preference is, it's ok. It's nice to have a couple friends, but there's nothing wrong with NOT wanting to be a social butterfly & spend time on your own.

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I am introverted and I have a social phobia to a certain degree. I don't like going to crowded events, as it makes me feel lonely and left out. I sometimes get nervous when I try to socialize with others (especially with girls) and don't say anything, as I fear I'll make myself look bad.

 

I've been to several counselors for several sessions and it didn't help me one bit. I don't have the money to experiment with other counsellors. I'll try to speak with the uni counsellor when I get the chance.

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I am introverted and I have a social phobia to a certain degree. I don't like going to crowded events, as it makes me feel lonely and left out. I sometimes get nervous when I try to socialize with others (especially with girls) and don't say anything, as I fear I'll make myself look bad.

 

I've been to several counselors for several sessions and it didn't help me one bit. I don't have the money to experiment with other counsellors. I'll try to speak with the uni counsellor when I get the chance.

 

Not everyone can be the life of the party!! Try not to worry so much about what others think when you socialize with them. Even if they don't like you, who cares? You leave that party & it doesn't make one bit of difference. Some people you just don't click with. Maybe you can look for someone similar to you at a party. Start a conversation with someone who isn't really doing a lot of conversing with other people, either.

 

Good idea talking to the counselors at your uni. Try to do it soon! The sooner you start working on this, the sooner you will feel more comfortable in social situations & making friends.

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Not everyone can be the life of the party!! Try not to worry so much about what others think when you socialize with them. Even if they don't like you, who cares? You leave that party & it doesn't make one bit of difference. Some people you just don't click with. Maybe you can look for someone similar to you at a party. Start a conversation with someone who isn't really doing a lot of conversing with other people, either.

 

I'm afraid that if I go a party or another social function, I'll be a wallflower (that's why I don't do it). I don't know what to say to someone during these kinds of situations.

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I'm afraid that if I go a party or another social function, I'll be a wallflower (that's why I don't do it). I don't know what to say to someone during these kinds of situations.

 

"How's it going?" is usually a fool-proof way to start a conversation. Or if you know the person, ask them what they've been up to. I ask "What's new with you?" fairly often. If that person is wanting to talk, it's a great way to get things going. If he or she doesn't want to talk, then it isn't your problem. Move onto someone else and see if you can start a conversation.

 

It's tough if you don't pay simple attention to your surroundings. If you're at a public place, ask him or her (granted it's not an employee) something like, "You been here before? It's my first time here." All it takes is asking something to get a conversation started. Aside from that, once it gets going, just listen, contribute/share, and be yourself.

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