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I'm a guy and I said we should wait to have sex


MontaEllis

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I have NEVER done this before in my life, but I was on my second date with a girl and had her at my place, made her dinner, things were going really good. I rarely really like a girl to the point that I think I might really want to be in a relationship with them, but with this one I kind of felt that way for some reason. I've been single for about 8 months now after a LTR.

 

Anyways, so this girl I are getting along really well, laughing, joking...we've kissed a little here and there. So, we get more comfortable, open the 2nd bottle of wine about 11:45 and I put in a movie. She goes to the bathroom, and then when she comes back we start getting hot and heavy, etc. I take off her pants, then I take off mine etc. Then, we start getting close to sex, but I kind of freeze up big time. I don't really know why. I never do this sort of thing. I kind of stop and put the blanket over us and we just kind of cuddle for a few minutes. Then I tell her "I don't know, sometimes when I get along with a girl I like etc, I like to wait to have sex." She says "Yeah, I wasn't planning on doing anything etc." So, we cuddle for a few minutes and then about 1:45am she's like, okay I'm going to head out. So, we put our pants back on awkwardly, and I insist on walking her to her car.

 

When we say goodbye, it was kind of a weird hug, no kiss thing. So, I text her at about 2:30am and ask if she got home okay since we polished off two bottles of wine. At about 5:15am I get a text say, yes i did just check my phone...thanks.. So, I texted her back about 3pm and have not heard a response (it's about 11pm next day).

 

My take is that I made her feel guilty for wanting to have sex too soon and made her feel like a s***. That, and I probably came on too strong and told her I 'like her' too early. The mystery is gone and and didn't push to have sex, like I'm sure every other guy does. This girl is really hot, and i know she's attracted to me. I still can't really figure out why I stopped us from having sex after getting that far, but I did. I guess sometimes I like to make the first time meaningful with some women that I really do like. I was turned on and attracted to her, but I wasn't 'at attention' if you know what mean. Any girls out there want to give me their take? What do you think this girl is thinking? Ahhh!!!!!annoying. ](*,)

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I don't think she just wanted sex. She's super shy and a 'good girl' who dates guys seriously mostly, from what I can tell. It took a while to get her to open up. Maybe she does feel guilty about wanting to have sex too soon, and usually that's the guy's role? Who knows...I'll call her tomorrow night, and if she answers great, if not...I'll move on.

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If she is a "good girl" who likes serious relationships, then she probably feels a bit rejected and foolish for appearing like she wanted more early. I think call her and see how she is and express that you would like to hang out again soon. I know if it were me, I'd be feeling silly and wondering if the guy didn't really like me, or whether he thought badly of me for rushing things? I would get over it however if he continued to show interest.

 

Ammy

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Well it would make me wonder if a man gets as far as taking off my pants and taking off his, getting into the second bottle of wine and all hot n' heavy as you say, and then turning it at the last second.

 

Sort of a tease.

 

Flip it the other way around (if a girl did that to you) and imagine how you may feel. A little irritated, a little leary and less prone to trust this person after that.

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Yeah, I've had that happen to me before, and it sucked. Girls do that all the time, they freeze up and don't want to seem too easy. I guess I flipped the roles, but I was pretty clear that I like her, I told her that right after. I feel pretty lame for not going through with it, I still can pinpoint what was going though my head I guess, sometimes I want the first time with girls I really like to be good and really perform well, but I didn't feel like I would be able to on my couch. She probably thinks I'm weird for not going through with it. I was actually pretty surprised her pants came off, considering she was so conservative right up until she came back from the bathroom. Hopefully, she's still into it. I'll call her tomorrow and ask her out for a 3rd date....if she answers/calls back

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To be honest I think most reasonable girls would understand and still want to see you if you showed interest. I think it's sweet that you wanted to wait because she felt more long-term... Showing continued interest should resolve the issue!

 

Ammy

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I don't think she just wanted sex. She's super shy and a 'good girl' who dates guys seriously mostly, from what I can tell. It took a while to get her to open up. Maybe she does feel guilty about wanting to have sex too soon, and usually that's the guy's role? Who knows...I'll call her tomorrow night, and if she answers great, if not...I'll move on.

 

A shy "good girl" does not get that hot and heavy with a guy on the second date. She is most definitely not shy and in those terms of being a "good girl" denoting someone who doesn't jump into bed so quickly she is not. She went to your place on the second date, agreed to have lots of wine and was ready to get hot and heavy....nope, not what is considered a shy "good girl". You just have to wait and see what happens, if she was looking for more than sex she will be in touch.

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A shy "good girl" does not get that hot and heavy with a guy on the second date. She is most definitely not shy and in those terms of being a "good girl" denoting someone who doesn't jump into bed so quickly she is not. She went to your place on the second date, agreed to have lots of wine and was ready to get hot and heavy....nope, not what is considered a shy "good girl". You just have to wait and see what happens, if she was looking for more than sex she will be in touch.

 

I think the OP just meant that she doesn't seem the type to do those things, or that her personality seems modest (as opposed to the social butterfly big partier types).

 

Just because she was ready to have sex with him on the second date doesn't mean she's not a 'good girl.' It's obvious the OP likes her a lot. It's not like she was trying to have sex with some random guy that didn't even care about her.

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Yeah, that's one of the reasons I was pretty shocked when she let me pull them off, I thought she would stop me or give me some token resistance. Honestly, she is very shy at first and over analyzing things (she told me), so who knows what kind of over analyzing she's doing right now! The vibe I get is she wants a boyfriend. 'll just have to wait and see...

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So basically, the situation here is I accidentally completely embarrassed this girl by sexually rejecting her. I really freaking like this girl and I totally screwed it up. I would say the odds of her being down for a 3rd date are like 5 to 1. From my experience, when a girl is rejected/embarrassed, they don't usually want to feel that again so they avoid the situation. Is there anything I can do or say to recover from that? The chemistry was so there before I mucked it up with my freeze up. ](*,)

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So basically, the situation here is I accidentally completely embarrassed this girl by sexually rejecting her. I really freaking like this girl and I totally screwed it up. I would say the odds of her being down for a 3rd date are like 5 to 1. From my experience, when a girl is rejected/embarrassed, they don't usually want to feel that again so they avoid the situation. Is there anything I can do or say to recover from that? The chemistry was so there before I mucked it up with my freeze up. ](*,)

 

Honestly, I am a girl, and a pretty sensitive/emotional girl at that... I am very sensitive to rejection, HOWEVER if a guy I liked did what you did, and then reaffirmed how much he really did like me and respected me, I would be okay with it... I wouldn't throw away a potential relationship over something like you have described. It is clear to her that you are interested, you have said it, you also did some pretty heavy making out (if you were not attracted at all, you would have resisted any deep physical contact)... Honestly just call her, tell her you'd love to hang out again and ask her when she's free - be sure to show you're keen!

 

Ammy

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UPDATE: Okay, so I called her tonight and she did call back about 30 minutes later. We talked for 30 minutes, everything's cool. I still wonder what she thinks about that night, but she still seems interested, although a little more lag btwn communications. She might be playing hard to get to not seem too available, which I'm sure a lot of girls do...guys do it too I asked her out for Sat, she has plans however...so we're going to do something next week. Then, I'll invite her to spend the night after our date.

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When you do see her again, may I suggest that you don't try anything sexual so as to "make up for the last time". She's probably had some time to think about it and may not want to launch into it so quickly again. I say simply enjoy your day together with no sexual expectations.

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So basically, the situation here is I accidentally completely embarrassed this girl by sexually rejecting her. I really freaking like this girl and I totally screwed it up. I would say the odds of her being down for a 3rd date are like 5 to 1. From my experience, when a girl is rejected/embarrassed, they don't usually want to feel that again so they avoid the situation. Is there anything I can do or say to recover from that? The chemistry was so there before I mucked it up with my freeze up. ](*,)

 

You didn't screw up or do anything wrong. It was only 2nd date. With that being said, I don't think it's a great sign that she rejected your offer to go out Saturday night, but Thursday is kind of late in the week for asking for a Sat date, so we'll see....

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I don't think it's a bad sign. When I asked she said she might be going out. Then an hour later she texted and said she couldn't make and she'll let me know her schedule next week if i wanted to go out. Didn't expect her to be free with 2 days notice.

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I don't think it's a bad sign. When I asked she said she might be going out. Then an hour later she texted and said she couldn't make and she'll let me know her schedule next week if i wanted to go out. Didn't expect her to be free with 2 days notice.

Okay, well hopefully all will go well for next week - let us know how it goes

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