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Need help with coping...


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I'll try to make this long story short...

 

My mom and real dad got a divorce, my real dad was abusive to us and her and refused to let her have us/see us after she left. They went to court, it was an ugly battle with us kids in the middle. We all wanted to live with my mom, not because we didn't love our dad but because he was just not a good person to live with. After realizing he was losing the battle, real dad jetted and was not heard from again... at least that's what mom & stepdad told us (stepdad is SUPER manipulative and controlling, it is very possible he did what he could to make us want to forget our real dad... I will never know the truth). Three years later, we find out real dad committed suicide. How do I cope? I have struggled with that for years... I don't even know how to feel. After real dad disappeared, I told myself he was dead to me because he obviously didn't care about us. When I found out he was really dead, I didn't know what to think.

 

Now that I'm older and have realized how controlling and manipulative my step dad is (and how my mom would never do or say anything without running it by him for approval first), I have come to question everything I thought was the truth when I was little. Did my real dad abandon us or was he told we didn't want him around by my mom and step dad? Did my real dad try to contact us but all efforts were intercepted by my mom and step dad? As I said before, I fear I will never know the truth. So how do I grieve for someone when I don't even know how I feel about them? Has anyone ever been through anything similar? Can anyone offer advice? Please help if you can.

 

Thank you.

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I'm very sorry you've gone through this through your life without an answer.

 

You may not be able to get the real answer let alone complete answer that will make you understand what had happened to your real father. He did disappear for awhile for few years, no one will know (unless someone had kept in touch with him those times) what happened before he took his own life.

 

Have you talked to your mom about this? Do you think this is something she is willing to discuss? You may not get the answer right away but maybe it's where you want to start.

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I have asked my mom a few things straight up before but she says exactly what my step dad says. I think she probably thinks she's protecting us or something... or maybe she's telling the truth and he did just abandon us and I just can't accept it. Why would he kill himself though? He is the one that chose to run away... if he had no one, why didn't he try to get in touch with us? What could have gone so horribly wrong in his life? Sometimes I think he wouldn't have committed suicide if we could have been a part of his life again but I don't know...

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