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Dating after 50.


Dako

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Some of you ladies of a certain age might be able to help me over a hurdle.

 

I'm settled into my own life and keep a tidy house, have no baggage and enjoy women. I meet lots of them at work and enjoy the chat and grins but wonder what a woman over 50 really wants from a man.

 

This may sound rudimentary, but so many women my age seem comfortable with their lives, mostly involving grown kids, grandkids and all that. They seem happy to forgo the risks of dating and consider it a chore to seek companionship. One gal I like is always busy with her offspring, traveling and having fun while I'm saddled with work, caring for my Mom and other stuff. Another is the same. Another is the same.

 

Are women less interested in men at that age? Are they risk-averse and happier to watch TV and feel safer with Ben and Jerry and Lost?

 

They often tell me they want solitude, but I wallow in solitude and would like to hug someone other than my dog.

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You're a catch Dako!

 

I'm not over 50, but i'm thinking they're spinning you a yarn! My guess is it would have to be really good and easy (as in stress-free), for it to be worth it at their age.

 

Isn't it funny how people are so complacent about things until something bad happens to them, or they experience adverse conditions?!

 

You just need to find somebody who appreciates the presence of other human beings and doesn't think they've got it all "made" with their current life.

 

I wonder if it's not worth asking the first lady out? I beseech you...

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Dako,

 

I am not over 50, but I wonder the same thing as mgirl. Is it not worth asking the ladies out? the first, another, another?

 

If you guys enjoy each other, maybe you will find soon they are less busy with their offspring, travelling, or other things, because they want more and more time with you.

 

Just do it and wonder less what they want from a man. A girl who is into you wants you.

 

Good luck

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I suppose we're all different. I have friends who are over fifty that still want to date, but many of them are choosing to remain single after enduring a few or even several failed relationships. Maybe they were cheated on or dumped one too many times or spent too long with a workaholic, alcoholic or emotional bully. Some simply prefer the company of their friends or want to pursue their own interests after spending years looking after their children and others or they are just completely tired out. Sadly, some of the women I know are very bitter and are simply done with relationships and men forever...end of story.

 

I can't speak for everyone, but I don't think it's that women over fifty are afraid of taking a risk, in fact it's the opposite for most of my friends. I think that we're just a little more choosy about how we spend our time and who we spend it with because we realize that we no longer have an endless amount of it ahead of us and that's a little scary.

 

The problem is that there seem to be very few men out there that don't have a ton of baggage and that have their act together who are actually open to dating older women, so sometimes it's easier to go with "why bother". Don't give up though, I think alot of women would welcome a decent and sincere man into their life, despite what they may be saying to you. It could be that it just feels like such an impossibility, that it's a bit of a defense mechanism to just say "I don't want or need a man in my life" or "I'd rather be alone and prefer solitude".

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I'm slightly over 50 and I have a bf. If we broke up tomorrow, not much chance of that been together 10 years, I would still want to date. I just don't want to get married or live with anyone at my age. Young girls want to cohabit or get married. I was briefly married, had a son and a divorce, and now I have my own home, job, money, etc.... I don't need marriage or a man to define me, but I still like male company. This is my take on it. Keep asking, you will do fine.

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I'm slightly over 50 and I have a bf. If we broke up tomorrow, not much chance of that been together 10 years, I would still want to date. I just don't want to get married or live with anyone at my age. Young girls want to cohabit or get married. I was briefly married, had a son and a divorce, and now I have my own home, job, money, etc.... I don't need marriage or a man to define me, but I still like male company. This is my take on it. Keep asking, you will do fine.

 

When I was reading the original post, I hoped thejigsup could come up and offer her opinion cos I only remember she is over 50. There she did come, hehe

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I am 45, but I will still respond, lol! Here is my theory. Most women by that age are either married or divorced. I find divorced women to be more content with being alone - perhaps because they have had bad experience? I don't know, I've never been married. I often hear these women saying "never again", that type of thing. So I think you might be running into that kind of mindset. There really isn't anything you can do about it. I'm sure there are some women in our age group that want something long term (I know I do), but I think most don't because they have "been there done that". I find this mindset with most men after 50, too, since that is mostly who I date.

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...I often hear these women saying "never again", that type of thing. So I think you might be running into that kind of mindset. There really isn't anything you can do about it...

 

I think you're so right. "Never again" seems to keep them away from men.

No wonder older guys date unjaded younger women. It's not that older ones aren't attractive, just uninterested.

 

The exceptions are out there, I suppose.

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I think you're so right. "Never again" seems to keep them away from men.

No wonder older guys date unjaded younger women. It's not that older ones aren't attractive, just uninterested.

The exceptions are out there, I suppose.

 

That is a good point, I never thought of it like that. It makes a lot of sense.

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I think 'older women' know both sides of the coin and they have to be really keen and really open since they know independance has its own rewards. A relationship is work - i admit to laziness at my end, too. At 41 i've been in long term relationships and have spent time alone...i'm leaning heavily towards the single lifestyle.

 

Jaded perhaps...but i'd also think the right catch and opening up to the possibility warms the most cynical !!!!!

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Okay I can respond since my mom is over 50 and dating. She's looking for companionship that leads to marriage ultimately. She reentered the dating scene after my dad died, has had 2 steady going on 3 steady boyfriends. Initially she wasn't ready to marry, she wanted to wait until age 60 so she could receive my dad's social security money. Now she's ready to settle down and "just has to find the groom". Hope that was somewhat helpful.

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Jetta,

That's quite an exception since she didn't have a divorce, although that's a painful experience I can't imagine.

 

The lady I like is on good terms with her ex, a fellow I've met, and I seldom see her. We have some things in common and her smile makes me melt. She's one of the few women my age with a sparkle in her eye. I feel like a fool to think I have much to offer, since she's quite upscale and a little bit glam. My current ruminations are probably because of her.

 

Next time I see her drive up in her gold Jaguar, I might have the nerve to ask her out. I have a restaurant in mind and would clean my car and tidy up. I'm like a nervous teen. Go figure.

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