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1 year after the break up


Casmut

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Today marks 1 whole year since she dumped me, and what a road it has been. We pretty much went NC right away, i broke it a few months later to which i got no response and went total NC after that. Got rid of every possible way of contact, threw out every picture except one, threw out all the gifts and deleted all of our pictures off my computer. As i reflect on the last year without her, i realize how far i have come. From my job, to my fitness to having one of the greatest ways to ending a year mixed with some heavy emotions.

 

I am writing this thread today because i have noticed many threads recently regarding the possibilities of an ex coming back, breaking contact and so on. Without making this to terrible long, i will simply tell my steps from the past to the present and how i healed a long the way.

 

During the first 2 months after the break up, sure i was devastated and for the first month i was sidelined and didn't have any motivation to do anything. Eventually i got up and did something with myself, i worked out every day and pushed myself as much as i could. I spent more time with friends and eventually i landed a great job, and while i had my ups and downs from time to time i noticed myself becoming a much more stronger person. By August, i went to see my mentor because he felt that i needed to let out a few things. So i went and it helped a lot. By September, any thoughts of my ex were none existent and i would only be reminded of her if i went to a familiar location or if someone asked me about her but it didn't bother me, or at least not as much. Then by October i had realized that i had made peace with my past issues. I was living a life that i was content with and i was ready to spread my wings and then in November something very unexpected happened....

 

SHE CAME BACK! For the first time since we broke up, she contacted me and from what started as little chit chat turned out to be a daily routine of just catching up and joking around. As some of you may know, i have not taken her back because her and i have yet to discuss what happened to us. She does however want me back. We talk every day and even now on a day like today i find it strange that we are actually talking to each other. I wonder if she is thinking the same way i am about today.

 

To those of you wondering if it is possible if they come back, yes it really is but it doesn't really mean you are getting back together but it does increase your chances if that is what you really want. There is always hope, and depending on the situation...never give up. I never thought i'd even hear her voice again, boy was i wrong.

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Oh thank you for reading, i hope this helps. I have to mention as well that if/when your ex does come back, tread very carefully. I have fallen into slumps with mine when she came back, mixed signals and all but we are still talking. I do find myself questioning as to how long we will keep this up but i think that will be answered when one of us becomes less stubborn.

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Her and i were close friends for about 3 or 4 years before we started dating. We dated for close to a year. And the break lasted 9 or 10 months. The relationship was and wasn't long distance, it just depended on our jobs. There were times where she had to be away for 1 or 2 weeks at a time, and the same goes with me being in the Army. Then there were times where we had no schedule at all and we were able to spend a lot of time together. Her job eventually had sent her on the west coast for 3 or 4 months which was the longest time away for her so far. She dumped me on the 3rd month.

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Thank you Leveller.

 

Well for starters she broke contact, and initiates contact 75% of the time when we do talk. Always asks what i am up to and who i am with. She sometimes questions other girls that i know and gets mad about it sometimes. Named her kitten after me. She keeps talking about things her and i should do once our jobs give us leeway. She tells me that i was always good at making her smile, and that i always knew how to put her a ease. And the list goes on...so i just get the impression that she does want me back but is scared to approach me.

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Personally, I would pick the right moment and ask her just to be honest and where she thinks your relationship is going and if she envisages it going anywhere apart from the 'just friends' stage.

 

There's obviously a spark still there... at least you will know if there's a chance it can go further.

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Hi Casmut,

 

Just wondering what you meant about treading very carefully - I am finding that my ex is giving mixed signals - we will message each other and when we seem to get a bit closer he backs off again...then we get closer, then there is the backing off - did you find this with your ex and how did you deal with it?

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I will ask her, but most likely via the letter i wrote and posted here on ENA and see where it goes from there.

 

SparklyBoots i know exactly what you mean there since my ex sometimes does the same thing. She gets closer then backs away. I made a thread on here a month back about her being hot and cold and never consistent. I found that when she did back away, i just backed away myself and it would often end up in her calling me to talk and joke around. It can be a bit of a pain, but i guess its kind of a way to feel things out.

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great story, but I just hope people dont use it as a way to give themselves false hope. But we all want a happy ending.

 

Those first few months are hell, cant sleep or eat, never feeling tired and your brain working overtime. struggling at work and breaking down.

 

I'm 8/9 months on and only bumped into the ex once about 4 months ago(see came over in a bar. probably just being nosey and wanting to clear her concience and hoping we can be friends). i know my ex is the sort to makes a decision and stick by it and never go back.So I know i want and need to move on and staying busy. I still have the urge to want to discuss where things went wrong even though i know she isnt coming back. but i will never break NC because i know i will be crushed with what response i get. Thing is, I feel i wont fully move on until someone new walks into my life. but i'm gonna keep making every effort to move on. For some reason today was hard. things get in your head then some of the memories come back

 

I kept to strict NC and blocked her on facebook..etc not got round to removing emails and photos yet. although i rarely look at them.

 

if the ex does come back how do oyu know they wont leave again

 

I also took up the gym. I'm 38 and never too late to get fit and now in fantastic shape! pity she doesnt see the benefits!

 

i just hope that life will balance it out and someone right for me will come along. its her loss but you cant make someone fall (back) in love with you.

 

been on a few dates one or two i really liked, others nothing clicked. got one lined up this weekend. she is 31 so being in good shape for my age might be paying off. but all you can do is keep making efforts to move on, no matter how hard it is

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Adamt i know exactly how you feel, i was left with many questions and no answers and things i wanted to discuss. For awhile it really ate at me and it times it still does, i know all i need to do is simply bring up the subject with her but it has been a lot more difficult than i had thought.

 

There will always be ups and downs but always try to focus your energy somewhere. Like the gym is a great way to let loose and also make improvements. Just remember when you do work out and feel and look good, always do it for yourself and not use it as ammo against your ex. Let them figure out what you have become. You will find balance in your life, but you need to let it happen.

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It can definitely happen, and can even be better the second time around in some cases. I reconnected last year with my ex after over 7 years of no contact. I would have sworn for years that it would have never happened, but not long after she contacted me, it all just fell into place. Neither of us had ever forgotten each other, and we both thought of each other as the one that got away. We actually fell in love much more deeply than we had been before and were happier than we had ever been.

 

Now the downside to my story is that a lot of complications arose and caused us to separate again recently (I've posted about it in another thread). But I still believe that these reconnections can happen and can actually be better than before, if both people have given themselves the chance to learn from their pasts and improve on themselves, and go into it with a clear idea of what they want and how to keep it together. Regardless of what happens with my situation, I will never regret the months of happiness I felt after reconnecting with my ex.

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