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Living together after the breakup


pickles11

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So my boyfriend of 3 years told me he needed space... Thing is.. we live together.. So.. Has anyone had this experience.. I mean i dont want to move out if things turn good.. and neither one of us really has a place to crash in the mean time.. so we are both still there and i am completely miserable.. In this space he needs.. its ok for us to be there all the time and he even said i could stay.. and we could still hang out... this space also includes us even cuddling in bed.. weird.. i just need advice.

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What are the problems in the relationship that make him ask for space? (i.e., what is wrong, are you fighting a lot?)

 

If you are bickering a lot, he may just need a breather from the fighting and hopes this will do it, but it could also mean that he is slowly weaning himself off of you and wants his options open.

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There has been some fighting.. and ive pretty much threatened to leave him a bunch of times... and hes always come to me and told me how much he needed me and loved me and didnt want me to go.. and i have become addicted to that.. i know i have issues and im not saying he doesnt either.. but this time i pushed him too far... ive tried to make things right with him.. it just doesnt seem like it will work out for us.

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There has been some fighting.. and ive pretty much threatened to leave him a bunch of times... and hes always come to me and told me how much he needed me and loved me and didnt want me to go.. and i have become addicted to that.. i know i have issues and im not saying he doesnt either.. but this time i pushed him too far... ive tried to make things right with him.. it just doesnt seem like it will work out for us.

 

Based on my own experience, I always say that a break is the steps leading up to the doorway of goodbye. While this is not always the case, it's a pretty heavy thing to pull and does not bode well.

 

I think you need to find somewhere to go. Stay somewhere for a couple of weeks and be away from him. Even if it's a hostel or a YMCA. You need to give yourself distance from it. If it is the beginning of the end, then you need to have a back up plan. What happens if he decides it's all off. Where will you go, how will you manage? It's only a plan and it doesn't necessarily mean that you'll use it, but whats it going to hurt to have it there incase the worst happens.

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I know.. its just hard to come to that.. we have been so super close up until 2 weeks ago.. he even took me on a surprise weekend away for Valentines day.. I mean it hasnt been that long that this has turned for the worse... blah im such a baby!

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well hes pretty much still there because he is retiring from the military in a couple months..and moving back home.. which was my plan all along.. so its pointless for him to move out.. and he knows i am not financially stable enough to move out right now.. but why can he tell me today he still doesnt know what he wants to do.. but agrees to do something together tonight... i know its a mind game.. but if he didnt want to be with me he would move on... go out.. do something else instead of being with me... right? do i have a reason to be confused??

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I understand where your coming from but i think he is just really confused. Like another poster said maybe he wants to wean himself of you slowly. You said that in a couple months he is moving back home so maybe he just wants to keep the peace with you until the time comes when he will move out. He knows you won't leave because you don't have the money and he doesn't want to move now if his planning on moving in a few months anyways. Why cause more drama for nothing? He just wants to stay nice and on decent terms until he packs up and moves, and when he does you can't act shocked because his telling you now that he wants space. Like another poster said if i was you i would start making a backup plan quick. We are all just guessing what his really thinking but you need to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Start saving up your own money or something so you don't get left on the street.

 

It's actually really sad that you have to think this way when you been with someone for so long. I know you want to think he has your best interest at heart but honestly you just never know. Good luck, hopefully this is just a rough patch.

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