Update, looking better I think

[10206]

Okay so I have a few updates on here, but right now I'm just gonna focus on what happened today

 

20 mins before class she texted me asking if I wanted some left over fries she had from Ihop

 

in class she asks if I got her text, I said yeah but I just didn't want to text her back, and that I should probably talk to her about why I haven't been, she asked me why and I told her I'd talk to her after class about it

 

 

well about 30-40 minutes into class she hands me her notebook asking me what I wanted to talk about, I wrote that I didn't think it was a good idea to do so over a note, she said well we have time to talk now, so I decided to just go for it

 

told her about how I couldn't be in a close relationship with her because I'd just be waiting for her to come back and if she didn't I'd be heartbroken all over again (thanks southern) and how I've accepted that she might never come back so I have to protect myself when it comes to a friendship

 

after discussing this for a bit she said she understood, and right now she was just doing things she couldn't do before in a relationship, she was referring to partying and going dancing with her friends (not sex, she's actually gotten off her birth control because she isn't having sex)

 

well feeling that I was getting closer to the root of the break up I decided to push the issue a bit, I asked her what she was doing that she couldn't before, as I had offered to do these things with her shortly before the break up

 

she then said it was nice not being judged or called annoying when she was drunk

 

now here she was referring to once when she asked me if she was annoying when she drank, I told her a little, in response to this I mostly just explained that I wasn't judging her and that she didn't bother me when she drank, around this point was when class ended and we were going to talk more about the issues but her friend got out of class and was her ride home, she said she'd call or text me when she got home, does this look like its going well or am I missing something or just getting a bit caught up?

[vertigoxo]

It's good to keep talking about it. You're going to have to talk to her, really really talk to her, about what both of you can do to make the relationship work. Don't push her too hard or she'll run away from you.

[10206]

well screw it, she texted me to talk when she got home and i don't know what changed but she said this to me "I told you I can't trust you and I don't want to be with you. My life isn't your business and I'm really annoyed how much you talk about me. I don't mean to be a * * * * * i really don't but how am i supposed to live my life when i keep hearing * * * * that your gossiping? And not from Bee (a friend of hers I've been talking to) so don't think that, she seems to be your only friend that knows how to shut up but what i do is my business. If you want to be my friend or need someone to talk to that's fine but thats the only relationship I want from you" now keep in mind this is completely unprovoked, she asked if I had anything else to say, I said no, she asked if I felt better or worse after talking to her today, I said I guess better because I could tell her how I felt, and then she just sprung that on me, I mean people who don't like me don't even speak to me like that, a girl who claimed she loved me and spend 3 1/2 years with me talking to me like that really pissed me off to put it simply

[guiltyflood]

Really can't do anything about it at this point, unfortunately. Realize that her perspective is her perspective, and you can't change how she thinks at this moment. Her anger is an obvious sign that she still cares about you (I got a similar text from an ex about 2 months ago) but that she just can't be around you right now.

 

Don't respond to the text. Just go NC. It'll be tough for the next 2 weeks, but that's why this site is here to help. In 30 days, I guarantee that you'll be better and more confident in yourself. Just avoid her for that time, get her completely out of your life, and you'll be in fine shape young lad.

 

Keep in mind that every word you say to her or directly remind her of you (even as simple as a text or poking her on facebook) will just push her farther away. So keep it to yourself! Trust me, I say this from experience.

[10206]

Thanks man, yeah I did respond but basically just telling her I was going to stay out of her life, she said she didn't want that and she wanted to be friends, I told her earlier today I said I couldn't and she said she understood, now I got home, vented to my brother and sister, then blocked her on facebook, probably going to move my seat in the classes I have with her for the time being

[10206]

okay so now in the past few minutes I've got 4 texts from her, mostly seeming like she's sorry for being so harsh, then one about me blocking her on facebook, then one saying please talk to me, then one saying she hates i'm ignoring him, then one about a question school related

 

not sure if replying to her will do any good though

[guiltyflood]

okay so now in the past few minutes I've got 4 texts from her, mostly seeming like she's sorry for being so harsh, then one about me blocking her on facebook, then one saying please talk to me, then one saying she hates i'm ignoring him, then one about a question school related

 

not sure if replying to her will do any good though

 

No, don't. Put yourself in control, here. She needs to mature a bit. Whatever you do, don't just fall back into her arms.

 

If I were you, I would just reply, business-like, that you need time to kind of reflect where you are in this relationship. Her emotions got the best of her, but frankly, that's not a reason for you to be miserable.

[vertigoxo]

okay so now in the past few minutes I've got 4 texts from her, mostly seeming like she's sorry for being so harsh, then one about me blocking her on facebook, then one saying please talk to me, then one saying she hates i'm ignoring him, then one about a question school related

 

not sure if replying to her will do any good though

 

Hahahaha. I love how exes act when you're tying to get over them but they bug out and can't understand that crap. Or when they hurt your feelings and, naturally, you don't talk to them and stay away from them physically, they start howling at the moon and ask why you're doing that to them. Oh, woe is them!

 

Tell her that if she's so certain that she's never coming back to you, to just let you be in peace and wish her luck in life and hope that she finds another boyfriend who she can call her best friend as well. She can't have her cake and eat it too.

[10206]

No, don't. Put yourself in control, here. She needs to mature a bit. Whatever you do, don't just fall back into her arms.

 

If I were you, I would just reply, business-like, that you need time to kind of reflect where you are in this relationship. Her emotions got the best of her, but frankly, that's not a reason for you to be miserable.

 

i sure wish I saw this and listened to you but well basically here's how it went

 

I answered her school question and told her there really wasn't anything to talk about us wise, she didn't want a relationship, I didn't want a friendship

 

so then her friend starts talking to me via facebook messager saying ex wants to know if I'm okay, and I STUPIDLY ](*,) started venting about how i can't believe she is claiming to still love me, but saying we have no chance of being together because she can't trust that "I'm always going to act like her prince charming" and how I personally believe if you love someone you on at least some level want to be with them, well then she says "I'm on the phone with xxxx, I'll ask her" and that lead to xxxx telling me through her friend why she can't be with me,

 

so I decide screw it, I'll text her, which lead to an hour call, where she kept telling me the issues as to why she couldn't, and I kept telling her how, while I understood, it could be fixed with time, and then she'd ask why I won't be her friend, and I told her exactly what I've been telling her all day, well after neither of us budging at all I told her I can't be a part of her life right now, she asked if i would still sit next to her in class tomorrow and I told her Idk and I'd decide when I got there, and said bye and hung up.

 

Now I think i'm just gonna skip the class, even though I have 2 with her tomorrow, one at 12:30 and one at 7, I don't have any friends but her in the 1230, but in the 7 I have a few and I think I'll do better if the first time i see her is the 7, and I can afford to miss the 12:30 because all the teacher does is blabber in it, I just don't know what to do though, I mean it hasn't been much time, but at the same time I can't believe she'd be telling me already that there is no chance for the future, I mean I'm willing to admit that I have no clue what the future holds, I could be with her, someone else, no one at all, or hell the point is if I knew what was going to happen it wouldn't be the future, Idk if its her immaturity or what but ](*,)](*,)

[10206]

Hahahaha. I love how exes act when you're tying to get over them but they bug out and can't understand that crap. Or when they hurt your feelings and, naturally, you don't talk to them and stay away from them physically, they start howling at the moon and ask why you're doing that to them. Oh, woe is them!

 

Tell her that if she's so certain that she's never coming back to you, to just let you be in peace and wish her luck in life and hope that she finds another boyfriend who she can call her best friend as well. She can't have her cake and eat it too.

 

yeah I mean I wanna just yell "THIS WAS YOUR DECISION, I'M NOT THE ONE DOING THIS"

[vertigoxo]

yeah I mean I wanna just yell "THIS WAS YOUR DECISION, I'M NOT THE ONE DOING THIS"

 

Exactly. Tell her that during a break-up, the two people have to have some time and space away from each other to calm down the high emotions. Tell her you will talk to her once you feel ready. And if she keeps on being annoying?

 

Ignore her and find someone else.

[10206]

Exactly. Tell her that during a break-up, the two people have to have some time and space away from each other to calm down the high emotions. Tell her you will talk to her once you feel ready. And if she keeps on being annoying?

 

Ignore her and find someone else.

 

yeah I really do agree with you, I'm actually planning to go on a trip this weekend to see some family in Vermont where my cell won't even work if I wanted it to, the only thing is I'm still having a lot of trouble with the idea of getting over her, I mean I feel better about myself and who I am than when I first started going through this but I just don't see these feelings I have for her going away, I do believe that the main problem right now is rushing the outcome, I mean she's pushing for a friendship and I'm pushing for getting back together, I think that the best thing for both of us is just backing off for awhile and then in time seeing where we are, I keep telling myself, if the love we had was real and mutual, then she'll come back with time, and if not then as much as it hurts me, its good that this happened before there was a kid involved or we were living together or anything

[10206]

okay another minor update, class with her was really awkward (we're in the same group) and my friend told me that she was talking about me whenever I left the room, to summarize I feel pretty miserable

[vertigoxo]

okay another minor update, class with her was really awkward (we're in the same group) and my friend told me that she was talking about me whenever I left the room, to summarize I feel pretty miserable

 

She's talking about you? What did she say?

[AutumnBorn]

Oh, yeah, OK for her to talk about you, but she ripped you a new one when she thought you were talking about her, huh? And the talking through a friend? She's not in middle school, is she? Wait. No...I don't know any middle schoolers who are that immature.

 

This girl is out of control. She needs some boundaries, discipline, and, I think, a little timeout (read NC) so she can think about her behavior. I wonder if she and her friends aren't doing quite a bit of conspiring and chatting about what should be the next move.

 

If I had to talk with her again, I'd tell her that she can call you when she's ready to talk like an adult, no drama, no games, no friend go-betweens (like that wasn't planned - she just happened to be on the phone with the friend while she was messaging you? So transparent) because you have no intention of being dragged into any ego driven games. If friends ask about her, tell them that you'd rather not discuss her, because she's likely to be in the same room listening in and writing notes to the effect of "ask him if he still likes me"....Gah!

[10206]

She's talking about you? What did she say?

 

My friend said she kept saying things along the lines on how I hope to get back together in the future and she's saying no, he didn't go into too much detail, but yeah I know I just need to stay away for awhile but its hard when we sit next to eachother in literally half my classes, and sunday is her bday too, sad fact, this would have been our 4th bday together, but I've only bought her 2 bday presents, and only one I got her something really nice because that was the only time we didn't have a rough patch this time of year, but in a week we have spring break, so hopefully getting 10 days of complete NC will help

[10206]

yeah I've been trying to get as close to NC as I can, I mean i blocked her on facebook and try not to talk to her at all outside of class, and as for her reasoning she's saying alot of the same things she was saying last year

 

actually I'll give an example of one of the issues, in November my buddy got home from school for a weekend and wanted to go to a strip club, I asked her if it was okay and she said yes, well the next day she freaked out about it, I told her I wasn't planning on going again, she wanted me to promise I would never get a lapdance, I told her I had no plans to, and saw it as a waste of good money, but I don't know what will happen way off in the future, well for about a week she wouldn't drop it, and I once got mad and said something about maybe I'll be too drunk to think about it, well she took that to mean "I can't trust you when you drink" even though in 3 1/2 years I have never DONE anything to even come close to break that trust I mean 99% of the time when I drink its at a friends house with no girls except for a friends gf sometimes, well after this I decided to cave on the never getting a lapdance issue because I mean I wasn't planning on it anyways, well we dropped it there, but now 3 months later she's bringing it up again saying that "you wouldn't want me rubbing myself up on a guy" and my response "yeah and I didn't do it, and told you i didn't plan on it" and then she blames this for her feeling inadequate about her appearance and feeling like crap about herself, now I'm not gonna lie, the girl is beautiful, but still I just don't get how this is an issue as to why we can't work on things

[vertigoxo]

She sounds like a drama queen.

 

Are you sure you want her back?

[10206]

She sounds like a drama queen.

 

Are you sure you want her back?

 

As much as it sucks I really do, and this isn't what she's usually like, the good times far outweigh the bad

[RobD70]

You need to get control of yourself. Stop talking to her and your friends about her (never trust your friends) and fall off the face of the Earth from her POV. When you are emotionally charged, it’s hard to control what you say so it’s best you say as little as possible (silence is bestest!). If anything, you need to put the word out that you are no longer interested in being with her, period. You will be much more desirable if she thinks you no longer want her anymore.

 

When she says she doesn’t see you guys being together in the future, agree with her. She expects you to disagree because you both have different wants so when you agree with her she’ll think something is wrong with her thinking. Never tell her she is wrong or how thing should be, just take her for her word and leave it at that. You did a good job blocking her on FB. You’ll find the more you try to stay away from her, the more she will start to chase.

[10206]

thanks for your input Rob, and I do know what you mean, ever since she ripped me a new one about talking about her I've stopped discussing the issues with friends who also know her, luckily I have some friends who don't know her and my family and that's who I've been talking to lately, and this weekend I'm going on a trip with my dad to help my aunt move, I'm leaving my phone at home for the trip so I can just kinda escape a bit

 

now here's a question, sunday is her birthday, do I text her saying happy birthday and nothing else? or do I not say a word or even say so in class on monday?

[vertigoxo]

thanks for your input Rob, and I do know what you mean, ever since she ripped me a new one about talking about her I've stopped discussing the issues with friends who also know her, luckily I have some friends who don't know her and my family and that's who I've been talking to lately, and this weekend I'm going on a trip with my dad to help my aunt move, I'm leaving my phone at home for the trip so I can just kinda escape a bit

 

now here's a question, sunday is her birthday, do I text her saying happy birthday and nothing else? or do I not say a word or even say so in class on monday?

 

No. Stay in NC. You'll be better off.

[10206]

I just had an awesome night

 

I was at a pool hall with a couple of my friends in a town near me called Easton, and we were just hanging out then at about 1 am, we had shot enough pool, and we decided we wanted to try to find a club, so we went outside and asked some people where we could find one, this kid made a joke that we were an hour and a half away from new york, so * * * * it, we went to nyc!, now unfortunately we had never done this in NY before so we had no clue where we were going, and one of the guys with me was only 17 so we needed to find something that was at most 18 and over (he looks alot older, actually looks older than me) well after looking around for about 2 hours or so we decided lets just go to times square, and well it was just an awesome trip, it was pretty awesome to just randomly go into NY, and even though I haven't been there without my ex (not counting when i was a child) It was just cool, a nice escape, got home around 7:30

[10206]

No. Stay in NC. You'll be better off.

 

thanks, you're far wiser than I, and well I'm gonna blabber now for a bit, I feel great, been having fun, and one of my friend's is reteaching me how to pick up girls because its been awhile, while I've still been thinking of the ex some (I mean its her bday haha) but overall its been more thinking about how messed up the break up was, and well how much of a drama queen she's been, I'm def feeling pretty good about being single, I mean I can do whatever I want, and the only person nagging me is my mom, I know I've been all over the place lately so I don't know if this is going to last though having to see her in the week, but yeah I feel pretty good right now, and if she came to me right now wanting to get back together, I honestly don't know if I would, I mean I'd need alot of answers and well i don't know what, but I wouldn't just jump back in and I think that's a real improvement

[Lastchallenge]

Awsome!! I'm glad to hear your doing alright... Going to ny was a great idea downtime u just need to get out and it's nit even about being in a relationship it's just about trying something new..