He was a mean person why do I feel like texting him I miss you?

[11everything2-1nothing]

I am not sure he ever really liked me. All he seemed to talk about ever was money and how he didn't want to spend it on me. Were talking 5-15 dollars at a time, or he would talk about some character flaw I had. Some he invented like me having an ambien addiction after taking one twice my entire life, or me being bipolar whenever I would lash out at his inappropriate remarks. He even used to argue with me that I said too many facts? Yet everytime I tried to break away from him he would call non-stop and beg me to talk to him again. Or he would be nice and make up. (He has not done this, this break up).

 

 

I suspect he was somewhat of a gold digger since he always talked about money. He would say things like I have free money and insinuated that he was entitled to me spending. In the beginning I did do things for him, but when I realized he had a problem even buying me a 12 dollar lunch and would always talk about it like I owed him I lost any desire to do anything for him. Also important to note I did all the driving, and drove 60 miles round trip just to see him. I think at the very least he could have graciously bought me lunch. Even on my Birthday after he bought me some chicken fingers, a drink, and gave me some cheap bracelets laying around his house he had the nerve to say you better do something good for my birthday, I just did this for you. I have never dealt with such a person in my life, and I have never talked about money like this with anyone else.

 

Money was nearly the topic of conversation at least once a day. Our relationship ultimately ended because of it. The day before our break up I brought up that I had planned a mini trip for us but I canceled it because of his behavior all week. He then instantly got mad that I would say I was going to do something in an argument and then not go through with it. I said why would I want to do something for someone who treats me so nasty? Later that day I just finally said I didn't want him to pay for me anymore. I couldn't take the complaining and making me feel pressure like I owed him all the time. I would just pay for myself end of story.

 

The next morning he sends a series of texts, I am not sure exactly what he hoped to achieve from them but I felt like he was telling me he didn't want to talk to me anymore unless I bought him something. He brought up what girls had gotten him that had less than me. He said I was full of empty promises (i think this referred to the mini trip). The conversation ended with him cursing and calling me names. I told him he hurt me, he told me he I hurt his wallet. Two days later he sent me a sad face text, which he later claimed to have sent by mistake when I told him not to text me sad faces, this whole thing was his fault. (That led to a really bad conversation I won't go into)

 

Needless to say my ex is a total jerk, but I miss him. I can't figure out why because I don't think of myself as being so desperate to chase after someone like this. Yet i can't stop thinking about him, and I have even cried about it a few times. Sometimes I catch myself starting to rationalize the situation even. Maybe it is because we spent almost every day together, or the fact that he sent me about 400 texts a day. Maybe I just miss him chasing me so much all the time? Why do I keep hoping that he will call? I feel tempted to tell him I miss him. I don't like this feeling and I want it to go away.

 

I am the most fearful that I will cave in and contact him, and show him that I am a person that will allow and accept such horrible treatment.

[hexaemeron]

I think your username explains a lot. You seem to say you're worthless without a man. That says a lot about how you see yourself, how much you respect yourself and how much you expect others to respect you.

[11everything2-1nothing]

Fact of the matter is that I have not begged or caved. I didn't tell him I miss him. The me three years ago when I joined might have. I am working on myself to grow as a person. That is why I am posting here instead of telling this to him.

 

My screen name reflects how I felt when I originally came to this site from a bad break up with my fiance of many years. I was devestated.

 

I was single for years after that so I don't necessarily feel I can't be alone. It is not that I did not have opportunity. I do seem to attach myself when i decide to let someone in, and yes it is something I need to work on.

 

I was looking for some emotional support instead of a critique about myself.

[hexaemeron]

Fact of the matter is that I have not begged or caved. I didn't tell him I miss him. The me three years ago when I joined might have. I am working on myself to grow as a person. That is why I am posting here instead of telling this to him.

 

My screen name reflects how I felt when I originally came to this site from a bad break up with my fiance of many years. I was devestated.

 

I was single for years after that so I don't necessarily feel I can't be alone. It is not that I did not have opportunity. I do seem to attach myself when i decide to let someone in, and yes it is something I need to work on.

 

I was looking for some emotional support instead of a critique about myself.

 

I wasn't meaning it as a critique, but rather an answer to the question you posed. It would seem to me that if you did have more self-respect, being drawn back to someone who was awful to you wouldn't even be an issue.

[Silverrenesis]

I know how you feel, some of us just like to be together with someone else to share special moments, Im like that myself. So dont feel bad for feeling the way you do. Is normal. But you also have to learn to live happy by yourself, because unfortuanly in life and the time that we live in, is very easy for people like us to get hurt. Have you tried dating someone new?

[Hobbes]

I do seem to attach myself when i decide to let someone in, and yes it is something I need to work on.

 

It's good that you recognise this is something you need to work on but bad that you are semi pining after this guy you have called a jerk. He sounds like a total jerk to me from what you have said and you are much better without him. There are lots of people posting about someone they miss on here that left them after treating them like pewp yet still want to talk to them and keep the feelings hoping they will come back (!). I have been there and initially put all the blame on myself - that's how these things work. Don't text him. And here's the cliché:

 

'You deserve far better!'

 

said a million times in cases like yours (and mine) but true. Pull the wool off your eyes. I have been doing the same but .. it only comes off slowly and that's something I have been looking into.

 

No text! You are not a doormat.

[11everything2-1nothing]

I wasn't meaning it as a critique, but rather an answer to the question you posed. It would seem to me that if you did have more self-respect, being drawn back to someone who was awful to you wouldn't even be an issue.

 

I actually do feel I have grown a lot. I ended this relationship very early on. The old me would have dragged it on, and might even have caved under the pressure to still take the trip just to temporarily salvage the whole thing. I didn't buy him things. I took the step to recognize what was going on, and how this money thing was just getting worse. I took the step to say "no".

 

Fact of the matter is that we were intimate, there were emotions involved. There were still some good times. I think it's human that I feel hurt. Maybe some people can just say that was bad and walk away totally numb but I can't. I just felt like you attacked me as being a desperate person right away.

 

Yes I feel like talking to him, but am holding my ground as of now. This is the healing section after all.

[11everything2-1nothing]

I know how you feel, some of us just like to be together with someone else to share special moments, Im like that myself. So dont feel bad for feeling the way you do. Is normal. But you also have to learn to live happy by yourself, because unfortuanly in life and the time that we live in, is very easy for people like us to get hurt. Have you tried dating someone new?

 

I don't think I'm ready to date anyone. It has only been a few days. Just trying to heal, but thanks for understanding

[livelarge]

I had a similar relationship once. It was all the time push/pull/push/pull. He drove me absolutely nuts. And when I decided to stop dealing with him, I had to do everything in my power to stay away. I had become addicted to the drama somehow. And I am a person who usually avoids drama at all costs!

 

Now it is a year or so later and the peace of mind is incredible. I enjoy not having to argue everyday over the same meaningless things. I don't have to justify what I do to him or anybody else for that matter. I just am.

 

I tell you this so you can see yourself in the future, free from the drama. I can look back and say all the times I didn't answer his phone calls and his cries for help were worth it. It felt horrible at the time, but it feels like heaven now.

[11everything2-1nothing]

Thanks live. Your right it was constant drama, and thats what I was trying to break free from but kept getting sucked back. I think I may have become addicted to it as well. It was not fun. I think it bothers me when I think back about it though because I had told him this whole issue would drive us apart countless times. He just wouldn't stop. And if he was a gold digger he really did suck at it. I think it is quite dumb how he constantly bothered me about it.

 

His issue with me was that I worried to much. I guess this would fall into one of my worrying to much times.

 

Same arguments all of the time. Your right. I should be thankful to be free from it.