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Why do I feel guilt after expressing myself?


anggrace

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Whenever Im feeling something some what significant, I have an overwhelming desire to say it out loud. I have no problem controlling it at work for professional reasons, but in my relationships with friends and especially my husband, I just say what's on my mind. Don't get me wrong, I try to choose my words carefully, but in the end all I feel is either guilt or annoyance with myself. Release yes, but rarely relief.

 

Example: This happened this morning. Im out of town and my parents have been asking my husband to have dinner with them. He always seems to find a reason not to and it bothered me. I've spent a LOT of time with his fam while he was gone w/the military and I just thought it would be nice and respectful if he just did it this one time. So I said something, very nicely, and he agreed too. But now I feel guilt. I worry that I made him feel bad or that I came accross as bossy. This is the case whenever I express discontent in anything.

 

Another example is me talking about ANYthing that has to do with myself for more than like 10 minutes. Especially if it has to do with work. I feel like I need to take a shower and get the "me" off of myself.

 

I know I worry about what others think of me or how they feel in general, perhaps too much. But I don't think I can change that. Im not sure what the point of this thread is. I guess I just need to get it off my chest. But any insight is welcome.

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lol you sound alot like me in your "speaking what's on your mind". I rarely hold anything back and I don't always sugar coat.

 

You need to be more confortable with who you are and how you're feeling. There is NOTHING wrong with you saying what's on your mind in your relationships especially considering you're doing one better than me, in that you're chosing your words more carefully.

 

You feel the way you feel, you are who you are, and you shouldn't have to feel guilty for that. I'm sure your husband and others already can see that about you. They've all accepted it. Why can't you?

 

Most of you people here if you heard the way my SO and I can talk to each other and the things we can say to each other (Never disrespectful or degrading btw. Just referencing topics and not sugar coating.). Would be amazed. But that's why we work. Our communication is out of this world. We are both comfortable in expressing ourselves fully and knowing the other will accept it.

 

Maybe,...though I'm sure you already do this. Prime up the convo. If it's difficult to say or you think you might step on someone's toes and feel bad. Tell them "I know how this is going to sound...." or "I really feel I need to tell you this and would appreciate it if you heard me out before getting angry....." or "I'm not meaning to upset/hurt/whatever you but...." You know? Something like that.

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In your situation earlier with the hubby. Maybe you could have said something like (if you didn't already)...."I'm not meaning to upset you or be bossy but I really feel we should make an effort to spend time with my folks as well."

 

If at the end of it you still think he feels you're being bossy or upset him. Ask. And then be willing to accept what he says and talk about it. Maybe he's seeing you in the wrong light, or misinterpreting your emotion.....it's all about communication!

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As long as you actually address what's on your mind and are mindful of your wording, open and honest communication is to be encouraged at all times in all relationships (in a professional setting, the rule is don't make it personal and that works wonders).

 

Be comfortable with what you're thinking about, if it's a difficult topic pre-think the conversation and try to figure out how best to say it, then go for it. There is nothing wrong with being honest when you are positive you need to say something or you simply feel something strongly.

 

I will say there is something to be said for sugarcoating (without lying), especially with criticism. Same message, less pain.

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Thanks guys!

 

Im so incerdibly grateful to be able to express my feelings and to have a husband and family who really listen. As you guys mentioned, I think I need to just have more confidance in what I say and perhaps sit on one what Im feeling a little longer. I also think practicing expression through other means would make me feel less of a need to unload on others.

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