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Do I Call?


b11

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Long story short:

 

Broke up with gf of two years last Thursday. She is very busy with her first (real) job, had little time for me. I handled it poorly and began to resent her while she became more apathetic because of my actions. Vicious cycle finally became too much and we decided (hastily) to split up last Thursday.

 

We were supposed to go on a trip last weekend with her friends. While breaking up, I mentioned how much I was looking forward to the trip (but obviously couldn't go now) and she said she would call me on Friday. I asked her, "why?" She didn't have much of a response, but called me after work on Friday anyway because I had "said how much I was looking forward to the weekend."

 

I told her that if we were breaking up, I obviously would not be going on the trip. There has been zero contact since.

 

 

I didn't really want to break up; she didn't either. It was an emotional moment (no yelling or anything) and I've been thinking a lot since. Why did she call me on Friday? Because she didn't really want to break up? We are both stubborn people, although she is slightly more stubborn. If I don't call her first, she won't call me. I want reconciliation, and it seems she did too (judging from her calling Friday.)

 

eNotAlone: Can I call her tonight?

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If it were me, I would call. If you're seeking to get back together and think it could work, be honest about it. Call and don't play games. Especially if you're both stubborn. Be the not stubborn one!

 

But make sure you talk about why this led to a break up instead of a discussion, and what you can do about it in the future.

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Yeah, i would call do. It seems to me that it was a heat of the moment thing instead of maybe sitting down and talking about what you guys where feeling.

Someone has to be the first one to make contact, theres no reason as to why it can't be you. I'd call, but i'd always ask to meet up. I always feel that something as important as this should be done face o face and not over a phone..

Good luck.

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Thanks so much for the input!

 

I would like to add that although it was kind of a "heat of the moment" type of situation, this is not the first time splitting up was discussed. Although, those were "heat of the moment" situations as well. But the decision was definitely made hastily.

 

Thanks again!

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Well then I think you two should sit down and really talk about why you're having the occurring discussion of splitting up. Maybe it's for a reason and you should split up, but maybe it's not and you can work it out. I feel like that shouldn't be happening, at least not over the same issue repeatedly.

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Yes, definitely call her and tell her that ultimately the root of the issue, you feel was your fault that you did not handle adjusting to her new job well. Encourage her that it's a great thing for you two to be progressing with these kind of achievements and you wanna be there for her. There are gonna be a lot of adjustments like this in a relationship when you stick together over time. Tell her you just had a learning curve and you love her.

I usually find that if you talk about the root of the problem, all the other little stuff works out.

I hope she takes your call well. Good luck

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Thank you for everyone's input!

 

I'm going to go over to drop some stuff off and talk. Not sure how it'll go. Don't think I'll suggest jumping back into everything, because some things have to change. Perhaps a more casual approach...we were simply together too often and it wasn't quality time. This led me to resent the quality time she spent with friends, which led her to not want to hang out with me, and on and on.

 

Any last minute advice? I'll be leaving in a half hour and be back with an update if anyone would like.

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