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He has a daughter...


bakerrac

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I've been seeing this guy for 3 weeks now. He's an amazing guy, we get along really well, have a ton of stuff in common, and have a very strong physical attraction to each other as well. I've actually never quite felt like this with a guy before, and I've briefly dated several guys, plus 2 relationships that were each about 3 years. I feel like this guy and I are a great match! The thing is, he has a 5 month old daughter. I knew about this before I started seeing him, and decided that I don't care because I just can't help but like him. He and the mom broke up roughly a year ago, when they found out she was pregnant. She didn't want the baby, and he did. She ended up deciding to keep her. They work together taking turns caring for the baby now, and he works A LOT in order to make sure everything is taken care of. I actually really respect and admire him for this.

 

So, I'm wondering, have any of you dated someone with a kid? I know it's not going to be easy, but I like him enough that I'd like to give this a shot. Any advice on how to help make things work?

 

**PLEASE don't bother to respond if you're going to be negative in any way...that's not what I'm looking for here. I don't need people telling me to forget him because it's too hard, he has baggage, etc. I don't want horror stories of dating people with kids either. I'm trying to get advice on how to make it WORK.

 

Thanks, everyone!

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haha ^^ I'd suppose it's just like dating anyone, except they have a kid

Just talk about it sometime. Maybe a bunch of times. However that ends up being spaced out. I doubt we're the people that are going to help you get an idea of how things are gonna be with you and him in the future, lol. Not everyone's been graced with multiple lives, you know. I'm sure this is the first time he's had a 5 month old daughter and been in love with you as well

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I know of someone who started dating a guy with a young daughter, I think she had problems initially accepting that the child comes first, always. I don't know what the access/custody arrangements are but you may have to give up your weekends together to spend time with his daughter.

 

There's also the issue of his ex, they will always have a tie together - their daughter, and so it would probably be good if you would all try to to get along and at least be civil to each other when you meet.

 

As the daughter is a baby I would think that it would be great opportunity (if you are together long term) to develop a relationship with her without any of the anger and resentments that an older child might hold.

 

Best of luck.

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and decided that I don't care because I just can't help but like him.

 

You have to really consider if this is the person you want to get involved because his daughter is his #1 priority. If the mother is still involved then all three of you will be part of this little girl as she grows. In a sense you will be like her step mother. He'll also be exhausted raising a 5-month old when she's home with many sleepless nights. He may not be the same person everyday.

 

At the same time if you and him can make this work juggling with various schedules and see this little girl while some day you two have your child together, I'm sure it will be very rewarding. There's nothing like seeing a child grow up whether or not you're related by blood. She's only 5-months old, I'm sure she will become attached to you really quick

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It's really not that hard as long as there is no drama from the biomom (or him or you for that matter). For me, (this has been 10 years ago now) the way I learned to make it work, is that for all of my natural gravitation to want to mother his child, make sure you are maintaining your place in the relationship. If you want marriage and to have your own baby one day, make sure he is well aware of this. It will work if he doesn't eventually expect you to just be in that role of stepmom without your own child one day. Other than that, having a step child will work out.

Best wishes!!

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The biggest thing to keep in mind is that you wont ever be #1 to him. Now, that doesnt meant that at some point, you cant share the number one spot with his daughter, but again you would have to share.

 

My ex had a 7 year old when we first started dating. And I do admit that I got frustrated a couple of times, not often, when he had obligations to her. But then he and I moved in together, I got pregnant and his daughter started coming to stay the night. She and I bonded over horror movies. lol And we've been great friends ever since. Even now, my ex's little sister and his daughter will come over to my place to watch movies or hang out. I felt very maternal towards her and still do to a degree, but I had to curb that a little as she already has a mom and I didnt want to step on Mom's toes in anyway. The best advice I ever got was to be like a favorite aunt to her. She needs to respect me, yet trust me and be friends. And this is what we have.

 

I think that you would be fine. And once you and he have gone out for a bit and you meet his baby, I bet you will fall in love with her.

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Well the kid is only 5 months old, so it doesn't really matter that much right now; it's not like she's a 10 year old who will have issues with you. She's a little baby. If your relationship lasts long term than she'll just grow up and eventually understand that you're her dad's girlfriend. I don't really see the big deal here?

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