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What to do next??


vontiki2000

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So...I met this girl a few months ago through mutual friends, and, due to both of our busy schedules, we have only been on a few dates. However, we were talking on the phone/texting at least every other day up until a couple of weeks ago. As far as I could tell, everything was going really well. There was mutual attraction, very good conversation...she said that I make her laugh more than anyone she's ever known. She is in the process of making some very important decisions that will shape her future, some of which may result in her moving far away. I knew all of this going in; and, we have discussed it too. I have told her that I have no expectations..I just like spending time with her...and, it is what it is right now. Anyway, over the past couple of weeks, things have cooled considerably and I have no idea why. We've only talked on the phone one time and that wasn't about anything important. Like I said, I realize she is incredibly busy right now so I am giving her the time and space she needs to take care of her business. But, I don't understand why all of a sudden everything has changed. My conflict is...do I question her about the sudden change? Or, do I just continue to allow her the time she needs while I sit here wondering what's going on? I really like her alot and don't want to be too intrusive, but at the same time, I need to know where we stand.

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Well you told her that you had no expectations and that you just liked spending time with her. I dont think that you can make such a statement and then come back with "I want to know where we stand".

 

I think what is going on is that the situation has cooled. If you want to do what you said and hang out with her give her a call and see if she wants to hang out.

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Are you making an effort to contact her or were you use to being contacted by her very often and now that has cooled off? Maybe she's getting a similar vibe from you... just a thought. At worst, she's had a change of opinion about wanting to date you and maybe it's just her way of backing off. If I were in your shoes I'd give it another week or two, in the meantime make diligent effort to contact her, and if she's still brushing you off I'd just talk to her about it and tell her what you want and ask her where you stand. I'm sure you'll get the answer you're looking for best from her than anyone on here speculating for you.

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How have things changed? Has she stopped initiating texts/phone? Or has she stopped replying? Have you asked her out or simply *assumed* she would be too busy - or has she stated she cannot see you? IMO, I am a busy girl - I live in 2 cities in the same week, studying a Masters, have a lot of family commitments, big social life, and yet I still make time to see the guy I am newly dating (we even live an hour appart). I just wonder whether she had said she is too busy or whether you have assumed she is because of her busy schedule and hence not asked her out - she may be wondering why you haven't asked her out. I for one do not like it when guys stay in contact but never make plans to meet up - I figure they're stringing me along... they usually are!

 

Ammy

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Thank you for your advice guys. Ammy, I think your reply sums it up. Here's how things have changed...she has stopped initiating texts/phone and she has limited her replies. Mind you, I am not overburdening her with phone calls/texts every day. Quite the contrary...I've called her twice and sent her a couple of texts in the past few weeks. Actually, your situation kind of mirrors the situation I have with her, even the living an hour apart. I have asked her to go out and do things and initially she was receptive. I'm beginning to think that she is too busy and afraid that getting to close to me would hinder her plans. That's ok and I understand, but she hasn't said anything, you know? Like I said, everything was perfectly fine and then all of a sudden, the communication just isn't there now? It feels like I'm balancing on a tightrope. If I ask her if everything is ok with us then I feel like I'm pressuring her and running the risk of pushing her away. However, if I do nothing then I sit here wondering what the hell is wrong.

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Hmm I understand your situation, it seems similar to how I feel with the guy I am dating. Although my issue is that I misinterpret a delay text or 1 day of no communication (after a week of him initiating every day) as signs of disinterest. I still think however that she should reply and initiate sometimes and should be open to meeting up at some point no matter how busy she is. I know what you mean about the tightrope too... I am walking that at the moment, not coping with not knowing what is going on, but feeling that seeking confirmation / clarification will just ruin things altogether.

 

Seems things are moving mighty slowly for you guys though... It's a tough one.

 

Ammy

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