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they say their just friends


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Me and my boyfriend have been together only about 2 months but we were friends for a year before that. We both care about each other a lot but sometimes I wonder if he would rather be with someone else. He has this girl. Friend that he is really close with. She actually hangs out with him more than I do. Her and I don't talk very much but for some reason I feel very threatened and intimadated by her. I worry that she has a thing for my boyfriend and that he might have a thing for her too even though he says he thinks of her as a best friend and nothing more. I want to tell him how I feel but I don't want him to think I'm forcing him to do something he doesn't want to. I don't want him to think I'm super jelous of her (even though I am) so how do I find out what their relationship is and how do I get him to spend more time with me instead of her?

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I think you're projecting your own situation with him (how you ended up bf/gf from friendship) on the relationship she has with him which can very well be totally different. At the same time I know where you're coming from and why you feel that way. Unfortunately, you can't really expect him to cut a frienship with her due to your own insecurities and jealousy. As others mentioned above, get to know her and maybe you'll feel less threatened by her. To your support though, I strongly feel that he should be spending more time with you since the two of you are a couple and certainly inviting you to come along when the two of them hang out, at least sometimes. I think you should talk to him about how you feel and see what the two of you can resolve.

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Yes that's true. Thank you for the advice it made me a lot less stressed and I really hope that getting to know this girl like you said will help me get over my jelousy.

 

Just remember that he calls you his girlfriend, not her. Take comfort in that fact and believe in your relationship with him.

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If you do hang out together with them two I would take note on how your boyfriend treats you, like is he all touchy feely with you in front of this girl? Holding your hand or w/e then I think you have nothing to worry about if he doesn't mind projecting you has his gf in front of her. Unless hes just normally not like that at all then idk!

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I have a boyfriend who has many close female friends too, which can get worrisome. Your situation can be troubling, considering the fact that he spends more time with that friend than you. It can get very delicate if you try to cut him off from his friends.

 

For me, friends are super important so I try to keep it about 50/50 or 60/40 with spending more time with my boyfriend. Either way, you should at least be breaking even in terms of time spent with your boyfriend.

 

It could be he spends time with his friends because they are more open to what he wants to do. I agree with the others, just because they like to drink doesn't mean you have to just to have fun. Try to be more open in sharing his activities and keep upbeat about it. He might not hang out with you as much because he worries that you aren't into it or will be bored. Do your best to have fun and secretly take note of how he treats you compared to that girl. If this doesn't work, then I would try talking to him about spending more time together. Let him know that you understand that friends are important and you want to keep your own friends important to you as well, but you are his girlfriend and you want to spend more time with him. Try to talk about this gently and in a manner that doesn't show you are worried or irritated in any way.

 

Although for me, I feel like wanting to spend time together should be a natural feeling in the first place : ( Hang in there and stay upbeat!

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I think if you are in a relationship, then both parties should show respect by their actions. And in your case, not hang out with this female friend as often as before because now he is in a relationship with you. Why put your partner through that? If the friendship is good, then she will understand.

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How long have they been friends? That's a huge consideration when worrying about your mans female friends. My best friend is a guy and we hang out all the time. We even spend the night with each other but nothing has ever happened and won't ever happen. We just don't see each other that way. However, we've been friends for over a decade. I agree with everyone else... meet her, hang out with her, get a feel for what kind of person she is and see how they interact with each other for yourself. It'll help a lot. Good luck!

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