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She wants to break up but I love her to death!!


quacked

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OK we have only been dating for 6 weeks, but that was long enough for me to completely fall in love with her. She is the most unique girl I have ever met and I think about her every minute of every day. I made some very stupid mistakes and broke some promises and lost her trust. I knew I was smothering her, even though she said I wasn't, and told her we should take a small break so she could catch up in school and think about my apologies.

 

Then one day she said she thought we should just break up. She lives a few hours away so I couldn't do anything about it just then. I sent her a very well thought-out e-mail just asking her to think about it for a while longer. I talked to a lot of friends the day after the breakup about the situation, and some advised that I just drive up there immediately and tell her how I feel in person. That is exactly what I want to do, but I think my chances are better if I wait for the weekend and have another excuse to be up there (hang with friends) other than just her. I have a very good plan to go up there on friday and hangout with buddies for a while, then give her a call saying I am close by and just want to talk for 20 minutes in person. It's been 4 days since the breakup and it's only Tuesday, but I am finding it increasingly more difficult to not just get in the car and drive up there right now.

 

Whether my plan works or not, I don't like the way I was broken up with and really need closure at the very least. Although I do prefer that my plan works because she is an amazing girl. So, how important is it that I am patient and wait for the weekend? I'm constantly worried that she is going to say something between now and then that will make a visit from me seem stupid. I've been avoiding communicating with her as much as possible, but she still contacts me. I cannot stress enough how badly I need to talk to her. I wrote down my plan and what I am going to say, but in reality what I am going to say needs no rehearsal and is straight from the heart. It was difficult to not just drive up there yesterday, and it seems impossibly difficult today. Tomorrow will be worse. I also am struggling to avoid picking up the phone and saying what I need to say.

 

I'm not one to hold grudges, and she already knows that if we broke up we would remain great friends (this was a question she asked me very early on). Perhaps it was not meant to be and I have to move on. I am prepared to do that! However with a chance at reconciling the situation and at the very least gaining closure, I am struggling through each and every day! I have great friends who have both given me support and distracted me through all this. I just need some more advice!

 

Thanks everyone in advance

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OK we have only been dating for 6 weeks, but that was long enough for me to completely fall in love with her. She is the most unique girl I have ever met and I think about her every minute of every day. I made some very stupid mistakes and broke some promises and lost her trust. I knew I was smothering her, even though she said I wasn't, and told her we should take a small break so she could catch up in school and think about my apologies.

 

 

So in six weeks you fall totally in love yet still manage to make her distance herself? C'mon...

 

 

If you absolutely have to, ring her, but driving up there is going to do you absolutely no good at all and will probably make things worse.

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So in six weeks you fall totally in love yet still manage to make her distance herself? C'mon...

 

 

If you absolutely have to, ring her, but driving up there is going to do you absolutely no good at all and will probably make things worse.

 

I know it seems very silly. No I didn't cheat on her or anything like that. It is actually a pretty complicated issue involving sex that I will try to explain. Basically our first time didn't go very well because for whatever reason I couldn't keep it up. She told me not to worry and that there would be plenty of opportunities in the future and eventually I would forget about it. A couple weeks later I pressured her for sex because I felt really bad about the first time, but she didn't want to and we didn't do anything. That was fine, but I still felt bad about it and promised her I would wait til she was ready. Couple weeks after that, vday rolls around and I was there for the entire weekend. I didn't make any moves until the very last night of the weekend. She started to get into it but ultimately decided she didn't want to, and we stopped. I know I'm an idiot and I feel terrible about it, but she doesn't trust me anymore.

 

She's not very good at communicating in person and she can be very difficult to read sometimes. Perhaps visiting her and talking to her in person isn't the answer. It is something I need for myself to feel better about the situation, but maybe there is a better way considering her shyness.

 

Anyways thanks for the replies so far everyone I am really going to think about this and hopefully make the right decision!

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Dude, the whole post you wrote sounds like you're writing about someone you've dated for 6 years, not 6 weeks. You've only been with her a few weeks so you are probably obsessed with her not in love with her. What closure could you possibly want after dating someone for less than two months. You need to take 10 steps back, give her space, and if it's not meant to be with her then it will work out with someone else.

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Dude, the whole post you wrote sounds like you're writing about someone you've dated for 6 years, not 6 weeks. You've only been with her a few weeks so you are probably obsessed with her not in love with her. What closure could you possibly want after dating someone for less than two months. You need to take 10 steps back, give her space, and if it's not meant to be with her then it will work out with someone else.

 

You might be completely right. Maybe I am completely obsessed. Although, maybe I am obsessed BECAUSE I am in love. Is that so impossible? I've dated girls in the past for much longer durations without feeling anything close to what I have felt in this relationship. I'm still going to take 10 steps back, maybe even 100 steps back because I know she needs it and I am just impatient. If it doesn't work out I am prepared for that.

 

Anyways thanks everyone so far, especially the criticism. It all helps.

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You might be completely right. Maybe I am completely obsessed. Although, maybe I am obsessed BECAUSE I am in love. Is that so impossible? I've dated girls in the past for much longer durations without feeling anything close to what I have felt in this relationship. I'm still going to take 10 steps back, maybe even 100 steps back because I know she needs it and I am just impatient. If it doesn't work out I am prepared for that.

 

Anyways thanks everyone so far, especially the criticism. It all helps.

 

read my threads. If you want to be completely and utterly destroyed... contact her. The fact you haven't listened when I said "no contact" is an issue with your thought processing, not the advice. From personal experience, if you WANT HER, do not contact her. It's that simple. If you can't do that, prepare for heartbreak

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read my threads. If you want to be completely and utterly destroyed... contact her. The fact you haven't listened when I said "no contact" is an issue with your thought processing, not the advice. From personal experience, if you WANT HER, do not contact her. It's that simple. If you can't do that, prepare for heartbreak

 

Agree with this 100%

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Agree with this 100%

 

Thanks Captain... wish I had this mind set awhile ago. Granted, in my specific case it wouldn't have mattered...

 

(had another guy she was planning on dating... never bothered to tell me during the last month of our relationship... either that or she made it up just to hurt me, which is entirely possible... in any case, it has mentally destroyed me)

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You might be completely right. Maybe I am completely obsessed. Although, maybe I am obsessed BECAUSE I am in love. Is that so impossible? I've dated girls in the past for much longer durations without feeling anything close to what I have felt in this relationship. I'm still going to take 10 steps back, maybe even 100 steps back because I know she needs it and I am just impatient. If it doesn't work out I am prepared for that.

 

Anyways thanks everyone so far, especially the criticism. It all helps.

 

I have no doubt that you are feeling intensely about her.

 

However, you have not been together for a long enough time to know her. You can't love someone you barely know. I know it's hard, but you can't let your feelings run amok. I know your heart is fluttering and excited, but you sometimes have to ruin it just a little by letting your cold, calculating self keep you from flying away.

 

You may still have a chance, but you can't be so pushy with this one.

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I think if you love someone it doesn't matter if you have been together 6 weeks or 6 months it hurts either way.

 

Don't beg, plead or anything like that. Give her what she is asking for, and stay in NC until she contacts you. Trust me on this!

 

My ex wanted space, I didn't give it, he wanted NC I didn't give it and this in turn only went against me and made him hate me. Now I have lost him forever and that hurts even more.

 

You still have a chance, and if she comes back, and if you still want her well then continue your relationship.

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I think if you love someone it doesn't matter if you have been together 6 weeks or 6 months it hurts either way.

 

Don't beg, plead or anything like that. Give her what she is asking for, and stay in NC until she contacts you. Trust me on this!

 

My ex wanted space, I didn't give it, he wanted NC I didn't give it and this in turn only went against me and made him hate me. Now I have lost him forever and that hurts even more.

 

You still have a chance, and if she comes back, and if you still want her well then continue your relationship.

 

I don't think your ex hates you and it's never too late for anything but you have to stick to your word sooner or later otherwise people will think you don't respect them.

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Quacked, if you want a chance, you've got to listen to the advice given. No contact! None. If you must speak with her, you have to tell her that you respect her wishes and wish her well, then leave her alone. If there's any chance at winning her back, it has to be her idea and in her time frame. You must never, never, never, beg, plead, or otherwise act in a pathetic way. Make an elegant exit. Anything else and she will lose any and all respect for you - and it might make her think twice.

 

This isn't about some sexual issue and how you couldn't perform. That's not a trust issue, unless she didn't want to have sex at all and you pressured her. And it's not stupid. My first real long term relationship was a no go the first time we tried...then I couldn't get a break. It was like once the machine turned on, I couldn't turn if off.

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alright man u need to relax

 

your just... needy.

 

6 weeks is not love. ur just feeling rejected.

 

She doesnt want you... its not big deal. i know it feels like it.

 

But dude play ur ratios. you sound young. go out n have fun, many girls will not be into you for reasons outside ur control, and some will be. enjoy ur youth.

 

stop stressing, start living

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