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Who is my father??


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This is a complicated topic and really I just need some advice. The situation I am about to tell you may not even seem true. but here is goes and I hope someone has something logical to say...

 

My mom was 18 when she had me. I grew up my whole life pretty much without a father. But there was a guy my mom told me was my father and she dated him, but he only came around sometimes. It was like he was leading two separate lives. He would come around and then just leave and not be seen for two weeks at a time.

 

Well when I grew up I assumed he had a wife and come to find out he has a son. But I never found out if he was really married and my mom was the "other" lady.

 

He denied later on that I was his daughter. One because he is Chinese and I look completely white. Two because maybe he was trying to hide this from his mother, who hated my mother. But its confusing to me, why he would put his name on my birth certificate as my father, and why he would steal the paternity papers away from my mom, and then try to steal me away from my mom as well when I was small.

 

My mom hired a private investigator to find him him when i was 20 years old but we found out he passed away in 2004. My mom spoke to his mother and things did not go well at all. She hates my mom and probably thinks my mom is trying to get money out of her. I am not really sure.

 

At this point I'm out of ideas. I know most people might think geez just let it go, and move on with your life and be happy with not knowing. But at this point I need to know, for myself and the sake of my daughter and also medical history is important.

 

I heard that its possible to get a paternity established through the possible fathers sister... does anyone know if thats true?

 

What should I do @ this point?

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Wow, I have no idea. What a story though. I do not think you should just get over it and let it go. I think that you have every right to find out the truth. Just do not let it become a personal vendetta that consumes you. You have to really ask yourself if the truth is worth all of your efforts. There is a possibility that you may never know who your father is and you have to prepare yourself for that.

 

Good luck to you! I am sorry that I do not have better advice for you at this time. I would feel lost too. I am pretty sure that i would be posting the same exact thread if I were in your shoes. I would want ot know whether or not my father was alive or dead. I am pretty sure everyone would agree too. This is not something I see people telling you to "let go".

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Sounds like a question you should direct towards a professional.

 

A little confused by your story though. Has your mother indicated in any way that someone else might be your father? Do you have a list of alternatives?

 

Personally I wouldn't really care to find out (I suspect you won't be able to access his medical records anyway) but obviously it's important to you.

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you guys thanks for all of your comments. I guess i left out a few details. my mom and I have had other men tested. they were all not the father. My mom swears up and down that she had the paternity papers when I was young, but my father stole them along with trying to kidnap me. My mom says that it was proven that I was his daughter.

 

And I also agree that there are people with more caucasian traits sometimes with hapa children sometimes. For example look at alexadria chung, she hosts a show on mtv, her father is chinese and I believe her mother is white.

 

@ avatarmy my father is dead, he died in 2004 so knowing is not an issue in that department.

 

I just don't know which professional to get to help me find out where I can try to get these records from.?? or should i try to get another test done?? thanks again for any other imput anyone has. everything will be considered.

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I guess my mom isn't 100 percent sure. Mainly it was because I questioned her so much about it. I think she did the other tests for my sake. But non the less they came out to be that those other two men were not my father. My mom said she is sure that there is no one else that it could be.

 

The place my mom went to 24 or so years ago is no longer there. so much for that... Maybe I came to the wrong place to ask for advice? or maybe this is just too complicated for the average bear to figure out.

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