feels like we're incests?! (dont worry we're not real siblings)

[sammiecake]

hi there.

ok what i mean is that a good guy ren of mine and i are so close. so close that we treat other like bro and sis. but we tend to accidently flirt.... he does it more where he says kisses and hugs and gives me the feeling that he's interested in me.. he says things a buddy/bro wudnt say to me. anyway... yes i actually like him hehe but i do not want anything further than that. and he seems like he doesnt want a relationship too. but really, we have sooo much in common that sometimes we have to 'wake up and slap one of us' before it goes further. i have a strong feeling too that he just dumped his gf because i 'drove' him to do it. he has explained to me that they dont have much common interest and he doesnt see the point of her waiting for him as they're having long distance. no i didnt do anything like flirt/persuade him to dump her but i probably gave him the confidence, maybe? today he asked me if i ever liked someone but never gt to be with them. i find that question weird....maybe im thinking too much. i wished i cud answer him "yes and its you!" but i said no.

we were talking about trust... and without me asking, he told me that he trusts me. he's always there for me and cares about me. it's just so awesome that both of us can hardly open up to people but we've found each other to do so. today i was having PMS and was emotional, so i sent him an email saying that i miss him and thanked him for being there for me. i didnt expect a reply from him but he replied .. and ofcourse i was really happy. our emails were so deep and sweet but it's not lovey dovey stuff. at one point, both of us sounded worried that we wont be able to keep in touch.

can sum1 help me figure out what exactly is going on? it could be that both of us are interested in each other but dont want to 'touch' each other, as in dont want to get involved further. it really feels like two siblings falling inlove with each other but know that they can't be 2gther.

[hexaemeron]

I'm not sure... was there a question in all that, or just observations on your friendship?

[arise_shine]

It sounds like there are two questions here. There's the questions of whether or not he's attracted to you, and then there's the question of it being "weird" or not because of the close relationship you two share.

 

It's hard for me to generalize, but unless you're related somehow and/or living under the same roof, I don't think getting romantically involved is weird. But it depends, I guess. I don't know the particulars of your situation. How do you two know each other (e.g., from school or from work, neighborhood friends, etc.)? How much time do you spend together? I'm sure there are millions of couples around the world who start out as close friends, and then something romantic develops out of that. It can certainly complicate (and eventually destroy) an otherwise steady friendship, but I wouldn't call that "incestuous."

 

As for the first question of attraction, it kinda sounds like he is, but it's hard to tell without knowing more about the particulars. Generally, I'm in favor of laying your cards out on the table and talking openly about what's going on, and deciding on something together. Either there's no feelings and you can be friends, or there's feelings and you can be a couple, or there's feelings but you don't want to jeopardize the friendship, etc.

[lilypadgirl]

Reminds me of the situation between Rachel and Joey in "Friends" when they tried a relationship and couldn't because they were too close.

 

Personally I did have an experience where I loved this one guy who was a very dear, close friend of mine, but only platonically. I felt like his sister (and sometimes his mom when I took care of him). We did very family stuff (cook and ate together, shopping, etc). But I just wasn't attracted to him sexually.