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My parents are coming to visit, and I am freaking out!


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I will try to make this short. I turn twenty-three this month, and my parents are wanting to visit later this month for my birthday. I love my parents very, very much... but they are devout members of their church and would completely disapprove of my lifestyle that I, personally, am totally comfortable with; however, I have not been completely honest with them since I moved out-of-state two years ago.

 

I am too afraid to tell them that I have left their "church" and that I have been living with my boyfriend for the past year and a half! I am afraid of them meeting him, because I know how they will judge the both of us. I was a complete "star child" growing up, and since my brother's arrest and my sister's problem with drugs, I have felt the immense pressure they have put on me to succeed. It would be devastating for them to find out that I have failed... in any way.

 

I know this may sound a little dramatic, but it's all true! I love my parents, and I know they love me... but I am having panic attacks over this up-coming visit. They are flying over for about four days. My boyfriend is being very supportive and knows all about my family/religious baggage. But I do not know what to do, or how to stop freaking out about it.

 

I need to calm down and face what is happening and figure out how to deal with it... What should I do?

 

A day might come when my boyfriend and I will get married. What then? What happens when they find out that he has no interest in their church, or in their temple? What happens when they found out that I do not have any interest in it either???

 

Well, one step at a time. First things first... What do I do about this visit?

 

I want to be able to LOOK FORWARD to it... to be EXCITED about it... to ENJOY the company of my parents who I do not get to see very often...

 

How?

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It depends if you want to deal with the situation or continue with the lie?

 

Not easy I know but if you deal with it now, you can move forward free to live as the real you.

 

Personally, I would sit them down on their arrival and explain face to face, perhaps in a restaurant...somewhere neutral. Tell them you love them and respect their views but that you have chosen a different path - explain your living situation. Allow them to digest the news and then take them to your home to meet your boyfriend.

 

If you think they are likely to flip or cause a scene you could always fore-warn them by briefly explaining over the phone. Tell them that you will talk more when they visit, and leave the news with them to process.

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For my own peace of mind, I would want to tell them before they arrive. Either by letter or on the phone. Id be completely honest in telling them that you've been afraid to disapoint them but need to come clean. Either way, they are going to find out. So let them find out in which ever way will make it less difficult for you.

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yeah, tell them first. Over the phone or by letter/email. Then they can decide if they still want to come.

 

fwiw, you ARE 23. It's about time you take the adult step and speak to them as an adult, right? It's no longer your job to be what THEY want, but what YOU want. They've done their work raising you; now it's your turn.

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I have a pretty good feeling what religion you're talking about but in either case, you need to be honest and the reason for not wanting to continue the path they hope you would. Religion is a personal choice, they cannot force a belief into others nor judge based on your faith.

 

It's probably best you tell them before they do fly out. It'll be less of a shock if they still decide to come out your way and meet your b/f as well.

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