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I can't get over myself


CC141

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I've been dating the love of my life for 16 months now.

 

When we first started dating I knew we were going to be in the long run. I wanted to experiment with giving a guy a bj and she was out of town so I did what I did and didn't think much of it. A year later it came back around to me and I felt like total [/color]

 

She forgave me but I can't forgive myself and its been 3 months of hell for me

 

I feel like I let who I was as a person DOWN

 

Any words of wisdom here?

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I'm so depressed its ridiculous

I'd rather not post in the suicide forum but I've been contemplating very bad things concerning myself, or ending my beautiful relationship, or giving up school, or all of these at once... I can't get a grip, and I'm sorry for venting. I need professional help I guess

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Please.

 

Give your mother some credit. She wiped your poop. She probably knew about your first erection and found your porno stash and said nothing. She is the one person in the whole wide world who will give you unconditional love, and WANT to help you no matter what.

 

Believe me. She can deal with it.

 

And she'll want to. Let a mother help her son.

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Maybe the guilt to have betrayed her has left you and now you are worried about yourself, you feel awful for having maybe enjoyed your 'experiment' with another man and you are scared that it means you don't love your girlfriend fully, or that it means something about your sexuality.

 

If thats the case that can take a long time to get over, you shocked yourself and you are confused. It's normal!!! Do not punish yourself anymore. Now your girlfriend clearly loves you and trusts you (she's great for forgiving you!), and as long as you are 100% sure you love her too and you will not feel the temptation that led you to cheat again, you will be fine. Either way you can talk about it on this forum!

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This is the second post on this forum regarding this, and I've seen you on other forums/websites.

You've gotten loads of advice over the past three months and you haven't seemed to be able to heal from this issue at all. I'm starting to wonder if you aren't suffering so much from guilt over cheating, but confusion and sexual identity crisis? If not that, maybe some OCD?

 

I type this with kindness, understanding and love. Not trying to be mean.

 

Are these thoughts just looping in your brain, thoughts you can't get rid of no matter what? It could be OCD, a therapist and maybe temporary meds can help bring you out if it.

 

Or maybe you are obsessing because you liked the BJ, and you are struggling with the fact that you may have to quell a certain part of you (bisexuality) if you want to be with the woman you love.

 

There is nothing wrong with experimenting, and it sounds like she is completely over it and she feels that she can trust you. Be kind to yourself, and go talk to a professional.

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