Someone Please stop me !!!

[coolgirl]

From sending nasty messages to this guy. Seriously, I still cant get over it. And dont know why. Okay, so its been a couple of days I should have forgotten about this already. I keep cant help myself by getting angry and hating his guts every freakin single day. Someone please snap me out of it. Its like I cant control myself not sending nasty messages to him. I even tried dating again trying to get this situation out of my mind and not let it to bother me but the date didnt end well went to a bar ended up having a fight with my friend and had a drink to cool off and see that moran accross from the bar with his friends. When I had the drink i was not sober I picked up the phone called my date and ended it with him. Now, I am thinking about moving away from Houston go some where else start fresh and a new life attend my school and work till I see were life really takes me. I'm furious, angry, upset, mad, speechless and me staying here is not going to do any good. I want to leave. Not bc of this man because for my own reason's.

[Lastchallenge]

Calm down and take a deep breath....

[coolgirl]

Calm down and take a deep breath....

 

If you haven't read my previous thread here it is. This is what happened.

A couple of days ago I was a big mess but now I'm a bit okay not too okay.

[bruinsy81]

With all due respect you brought this on yourself by sleeping with him on the 1st and 2nd date,he was basically a complete stranger to you.There is no need to move away ,just learn from the experience.You will never change other people's behavior in any way,but you can change YOUR behaviour.

[Lastchallenge]

That's some good advice..^^^ the future can be exciting don't let it pass u by

[coolgirl]

With all due respect you brought this on yourself by sleeping with him on the 1st and 2nd date,he was basically a complete stranger to you.There is no need to move away ,just learn from the experience.You will never change other people's behavior in any way,but you can change YOUR behaviour.

 

Yea, you know I"m not moving because of him. I moving for my education. I want to start a new and fresh life.

[AutumnBorn]

What are the reasons? How will it benefit your education and future? If there's real substance in your reasons, then it's a no-brainer - do it.

[Ms Darcy]

From sending nasty messages to this guy. Seriously, I still cant get over it. And dont know why. Okay, so its been a couple of days I should have forgotten about this already. I keep cant help myself by getting angry and hating his guts every freakin single day. Someone please snap me out of it. Its like I cant control myself not sending nasty messages to him.

 

Do you understand that it's a poor decision to sleep with someone before you feel like you know them if not before you are in a relationship?

[coolgirl]

What are the reasons? How will it benefit your education and future? If there's real substance in your reasons, then it's a no-brainer - do it.

 

I want to start fresh, with a new life, new prespective, new beginning in life and looking forward to a bright future with a good degree in my hand and to become what I wanted to become years ago.

[coolgirl]

Do you understand that it's a poor decision to sleep with someone before you feel like you know them if not before you are in a relationship?

 

I dont know if you read my whole story. If you hadn't do go back to my posts and read them I forgot which one it was. Actually, sleeping with this man was not my idea in the first place. I wanted to take things slow and see were it leads. The idea of sleeping with this man was not my idea in the first place. So please I ask everyone to stop throwing this in my face like I was the one that wanted it because it wasn't like that at all. The reason I came here to write about this is because I feel used. My feelings were hurt big time. I was lied to constantly over and over again. I even told this man that if his plans were to use me for a one time thing for him to at least be honest about it and that i quit seeing him. And again I didnt exactly know what his actions were going to be. He tells me he would contact me when he gets back from his trip he never did. He never had the decensy to tell me he was never interested. He said this right after he came back. Cuz, I made the phone call. I had to wait 5 to 6 weeks to hear this coming from him and on top of that he drops the bomb that he had gotten MARRIED back home. I emailed him that if he had known he was MARRIED along time ago then he wouldn't have done what he did. He did what he had to do and he got it away with it. And I hope he's happy with the result he got.

 

So please put yourself in my situation. I'm furious, upset, angry, mad, speechless etc......... I'm sure everyone would be too. And anyone could understand my reason on why I would want to do such a thing like this.

Seriously, how would it make you feel? If someone did that to you?

[Ms Darcy]

Hi dear,

 

I did read your backstory before responding. I understand you are hurting, I just wanted to ask you if you accept that you can make better choices. Unless he forced himself on you, please accept that sleeping with him was not wise whether it was his idea or not. You do have power in these situations, by protecting yourself. I know you are hurting now, but if you keep allowing yourself to sleep with strangers, you will inevitably keep getting hurt hon.

[shessofly]

you can send the emails all you want but he doesn't strike me as someone who will really care. i'm sure you won't be the first gal to retaliate. you just made a poor decision. you didn't know the guy, you slept with him very quickly. learn from it, move on.

[1guygirl]

i think its sad reflection of society that women STILL get the flak for sleeping with someone soon. Its ok for men to do it, but a woman does it, then gets treat like sh*t by the man, well..."she brought it on herself" is the usual cry.

 

whilst it is better to get to know a guy first, if youre thinking of a relationship, i dont see the point to judge or scathe the OP. and no one ever deserves to be treat like crap, ever. we should rise above it.

 

But Kitty...you gotta take it for what it is, the man wasnt that great a guy, learn from it, and move on. if you want to move elsewhere then great I wish you all the best with that, its your decision and your life, but being angry or being nasty towards this guy will not serve any purpose but for him to think "ah well, shes a b*tch anyway, glad i used her* ...whereas if you were grown up and adult about it, he may look back in a totally different light

 

 

besides, anger only hurts you more than anyone

[shessofly]

look it really doesn't matter to me whether the op is male or female and i am not saying that she got what she deserved. she's really angry with someone she did not know, who she slept with the first time they met up. i guess she had some sort of expectation that she could trust that he was telling the truth. well that was not the best idea given the fact that she did not know the guy. it turns out he was a scumbag.

 

now i could be wrong, but it seems as if she's not really taking responsibility for her part. it was 'his' idea. ok, but you went along with it. you didn't have to.

 

the op just happens to be a 'she' and i would say the same thing to a 'he'. she can say it was all him, but she went along with it and now is angry at the guy who SHE DID NOT KNOW. the guy isn't likely to care that she's angry.

 

she got used and it sucks, but at this point her best bet is to accept that the guy is a loser, she made a mistake and just move forward. you cannot undo what's been done.

[1guygirl]

look it really doesn't matter to me whether the op is male or female and i am not saying that she got what she deserved..

 

never said "you" did

[shessofly]

never said "you" did

 

yeah i figured you'd say that.

 

looking over the posts in this thread, i don't see where anyone was scathing or judging the op. i only see advice and insight being offered.

 

so i'm not sure where you got judgment and scathing from.

[coolgirl]

Hi dear,

 

I did read your backstory before responding. I understand you are hurting, I just wanted to ask you if you accept that you can make better choices. Unless he forced himself on you, please accept that sleeping with him was not wise whether it was his idea or not. You do have power in these situations, by protecting yourself. I know you are hurting now, but if you keep allowing yourself to sleep with strangers, you will inevitably keep getting hurt hon.

 

Yea, I tottaly accept the fact. I take actions for my responsibility dont get me wrong I know what I did was wrong. Yea, I knew I had power to stop it and eventually I didnt and really I was afraid too I just didnt want to find myself in a situation were if I said no then it would have been done by force and didnt want to find myself in that kind of situation so thats why I went along with it.

[coolgirl]

That's the thing we were never in a relationship to start with. I only what like knew him for a couple of days and met up with him in 2 days. Yea, if I knew that we were dating or this was going somewhere that be a tottaly different situation. I never knew what he was looking for. I never knew what his intentions really were yea if I had known in the beginning then I wouldn't had met up with him in the first place and wouldn't have get myself in this kind of mess in the first place. He never had the decensy to tell me either. Here is what my point is. If he was never was interested he would had told me in the beginning and yea I would had understood and left him alone and would never hear from him again. But he never brought it up to himself to actually do that. I had to wait 6 weeks to hear something like this coming from him. If he were upfront and honest yea I would had let it go easily with no problem what so ever. This is were my anger is coming from.

[coolgirl]

Yea, you know and I thought he was telling the truth at first. But when I found out who he really was it was like constant back to back lie and that everything was nothing but a joke.

 

I do take responsibilty for my actions. I'm not saying I dont I do.

[coolgirl]

yeah i figured you'd say that.

 

looking over the posts in this thread, i don't see where anyone was scathing or judging the op. i only see advice and insight being offered.

 

so i'm not sure where you got judgment and scathing from.

 

Yea, thank you for all your advices, its helping me alot. Now, i'm trying to be the bigger person and not to do this and just move past it and pretend as if nothing happened. Its just i'm sick and tierd of getting into these kinds of situations and meeting people like these just throws me off from completely dating at all its like I cant trust anyone anymore. Its like you dont know who your dealing with at all which frustrates me.

[shessofly]

are you feeling better today?

 

unfortunately for people like this, they are never going to tell you their real intentions before the fact, because they are out to get something for themselves.

[coolgirl]

are you feeling better today?

 

unfortunately for people like this, they are never going to tell you their real intentions before the fact, because they are out to get something for themselves.

 

Yea, I am feeling better thanks for checking up on me. Like last night I wanted to txt him again nasty messages but I ended up writing it out and not sending it. Its to hard trying to control my urges.

[Ms Darcy]

Yea, I am feeling better thanks for checking up on me. Like last night I wanted to txt him again nasty messages but I ended up writing it out and not sending it. Its to hard trying to control my urges.

 

Maybe I'll approach this from a different angle. Let's say you go on a couple of dates with this guy, he tells you he likes you but after a trip away, he tells you he doesn't have time for you and that he's married. Basically, let's say it's the same situation BUT you didn't sleep with him. Do you think you would feel the same amount of hurt and anger that you do now?

[coolgirl]

Maybe I'll approach this from a different angle. Let's say you go on a couple of dates with this guy, he tells you he likes you but after a trip away, he tells you he doesn't have time for you and that he's married. Basically, let's say it's the same situation BUT you didn't sleep with him. Do you think you would feel the same amount of hurt and anger that you do now?

 

 

Basically I wouldnt have felt alot of hurt and anger if I hadn't slept with him. I would had let this situation go alot easier. At least I wouldn't had felt used. The only thing that mattered to him was to boost up his ego and pride and he got what he wanted. And would had been less angry and upset.

[Ms Darcy]

Basically I wouldnt have felt alot of hurt and anger if I hadn't slept with him. I would had let this situation go alot easier. At least I wouldn't had felt used. The only thing that mattered to him was to boost up his ego and pride and he got what he wanted. And would had been less angry and upset.

 

Ok, anger that you felt used. So, taking out the issue of sleeping with him, are you saying that his promises to you upset you most or the fact that he said he never liked you/got married?