Jump to content

MEN: Is a girl not having a stable career a turn-off?


desert_rose26

Recommended Posts

(I guess this question is directed towards guys who are 26+). I'm using an online dating website...and this guy seemed interested but not overly enthusiatic but still interested in me...but then I added him on facebook (as he suggested) and now he's not quite writing back as much...and I think it has something to do with my work...I don't have a stable job or career right now. And he on the other hand is very career-minded. I guess not being independent is a turn off for guys who are really independent. I knew I was out of his league...but still I think it's a SHAME that he can't see past that...and didn't give me a chance to even show him where I'm headed..because I'm very goal oriented! and plus..my facebook about me section is only 1 sentence..if he is going to judge it then it's his loss coz there's so much more..

 

He didn't even ask about my work or goals. I guess it really doesn't matter because he's just not that interested!

 

I guess this was a vent! Thanks for reading..I love you guys and gals.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sounds like you are analysing it all a little too much, trying to find reasons why he isn't talking to you as much.

 

It can be a turn off to some guys. Who wants to have a lay about on their hands while the are working hard on their own careers. It can make it equally hard for a guy if she is not really focused on her job because her intent is to just have a family and not work anyway. If it turns out he is judging you, then maybe all the better for you not to be seeing him!

 

And, would you date a guy that didn't have a job or any career prospects?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sounds like you are analysing it all a little too much, trying to find reasons why he isn't talking to you as much.

 

It can be a turn off to some guys. Who wants to have a lay about on their hands while the are working hard on their own careers. It can make it equally hard for a guy if she is not really focused on her job because her intent is to just have a family and not work anyway. If it turns out he is judging you, then maybe all the better for you not to be seeing him!

 

And, would you date a guy that didn't have a job or any career prospects?

 

But the things here is that I DO have jobs and a prospect. I work full-time and teach a class on the side..it's just that It's not a glamorous job..(call centre)..and I am also looking for work overseas and plan on travelling and seeing the world. I have so much passion to succeed at what I want and he doesn't even know it because he didn't ask...grr...his loss I guess. I just told him that I studied and got a degree but am not going into that field--guess that was enough to turn him off! wow. well, guess I will have to wait 'till I climb my ladder and look down at him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd look at the bigger picture. I was quite attracted to an unemployed woman recently, but she had other issues. Most people have ups and downs, and maybe that fellow has yet to fall off his horse.

 

As long as you're working, don't sweat it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But the things here is that I DO have jobs and a prospect. I work full-time and teach a class on the side..it's just that It's not a glamorous job..(call centre)..and I am also looking for work overseas and plan on travelling and seeing the world. I have so much passion to succeed at what I want and he doesn't even know it because he didn't ask...grr...his loss I guess. I just told him that I studied and got a degree but am not going into that field--guess that was enough to turn him off! wow. well, guess I will have to wait 'till I climb my ladder and look down at him.

 

Well it does souind like you are sorted and organised for the future, which is better than the a layabout, you have goals, dreams and aims. But this does not necessarily mean that is the reason he has slowed down his talking to you unless he has specifically said that. You met him through an online dating site, is he dating other women? Is he just busy at the moment? Is he jealous that you get a lot of attention from males on faceplant.

 

Don't take the attitude of climbing the ladder and looking down at him, that reeks of a vengeful nature, a strike back for some wrong. It was wrong timing, you didn't have the things he was looking for. The right guy will come up when he is ready and you may even meet him overseas.

 

Also note, from my own experience, if I am just starting to date someone or talking to them online, if they mention plans to travel, I will tend to not put so much effort into it. It's not that I don't want to travel one day, just at the moment, my life and plans are here. Note that this could also have been a big reason his interest trailed off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that you are getting a head of yourself here. At this point you dont know why this guy has not contacted you as much as you like.

 

If a girl had an unstable career then I would be weary about her ability to provide for herself and her financial situation. With that being said a career is different than a job. I would also look at the entire situation and take into account if she was going to school or her other future plans in deciding if I thought she had a stable career.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But the things here is that I DO have jobs and a prospect. I work full-time and teach a class on the side..it's just that It's not a glamorous job..(call centre)..and I am also looking for work overseas and plan on travelling and seeing the world. I have so much passion to succeed at what I want and he doesn't even know it because he didn't ask...grr...his loss I guess. I just told him that I studied and got a degree but am not going into that field--guess that was enough to turn him off! wow. well, guess I will have to wait 'till I climb my ladder and look down at him.

Did you make any mention of the 'looking for a job overseas' thing?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What makes you think that it had to do with your work in particular that turned him off. It could have been a number of reasons including but not limited to him finding someone else he's more interested in on the dating site, not liking something else about your profile, being preoccupied with other things, not liking something you wrote, and so on.

 

To answer your question though, I would say that it would somewhat be a turn off for me if a woman I dated didn't have a job or form of her own income.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did he directly mention that it was because you didn’t have a stable career being the reason? Perhaps he saw something else on your facebook that he disagreed with, or someone you seemed rather close with and didn’t want to get into some sort of mess. If he’s already in a stable career, is it a high demanding job (takes lots of time out of his life)? Perhaps he’s lost track of time, or overloaded with things going on in his life, even simply put, stress.

 

Granted, it could all just be about the stages in life you two are at. If he believes he has accomplished more and gets things done, it’s to no fault of his own for wanting someone who has done the same. Nobody wants someone who they believe is just a leech, so to speak.

 

It’s his loss for not getting to know you and not knowing the benefits you possess, but I don’t see how you came to this assumption unless he mentioned it. Or perhaps even implied such. If it’s bothersome to you, try and spark a more responsive question, going off his interest or somehow getting him to speak up. That way you can see if he really is driven off by something.

 

I would maybe consider trying to pry, very carefully, at what may have directed him to the loss of interest (or lack there of)…

Link to comment
Share on other sites

These days, hardly any career is stable so no that's not the deal-breaker for me.

 

My boyfriend is actually unemployed; right now he’s going full time in a college roughly four hours away… a job would take away time he would originally have to come see me. So I’m totally understandable as to why he doesn’t just pick up work. Jobs are hard to come by right now, and some situations aren’t even very manageable (Takes away time from studies, etc). So in my opinion, I would never judge it based on being unemployed…but I would judge it based on the effort and the situation at hand. In my case, it isn’t a deal breaker...mainly because it makes sense as to why he can’t have a job (would take away time from studies and honestly me as well).

 

Basically, I agree with jobs being unstable and not really a deal-breaker

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At this time, a lot of Americans find themselves unemployed.

 

If you are unemployed and currently not looking nor caring, I think you should change that.

 

However, if you've just found yourself in a sticky situation like many people have in the last few years, then I think most guys will give you a break.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think that your job situation is why he stopped contacting you as much. It could have been anything that made him do that.

 

I'm glad you asked this question though because I used to have a good job (not glamorous but good pay and it was in my field) and lived on my own. I got laid off and had to move in with my parents. It's been so hard ever since to find a decent job and I'm constantly looking. I'm always worried that if I meet a guy he'll look down on me for working retail. They might think I'm trying to leach off my parents or that I'm too lazy or too stupid to have a better job.

 

It sounds like you have goals but are having a hard time right now. It's really understandable when so many others are having a hard time too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How do you know it's because of your job situation?

 

I'll be honest with you. 90% of the time I add a girl to facebook off of online dating, it's because I need to see more pictures of her to see if I'd be attracted to her (a lot of girls have a terrible habit of posting very hazy or zoomed out pictures online). So if the conversation cools down from there, it's likely because from her photos I can tell I'm not attracted.

 

For many guys, a girls career isn't overly important, since we're expected to be the breadwinners anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...