Found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant with an IUD inside me!!

[banju]

Hi

 

Today after feeling a bit nauseous and very lethargic for the past weeks, I took a test and found out I was pregnant. My GP immediately removed the IUD which I thought was 99.9% affective! (the mirena one)..

 

Well now I'm stuck with the dilemma of whether I shoudl keep it or not and I also haven't told my boyfriend who I've been only seeing for 4 months! I don't want to tell him as I'm scared of his reaction..

 

For the past two days I've had a crazy appetite, eating for 4 kind of appetite! I was at my bf's over the weekend and he thought something was wrong with me and made grunting noises as if to say I was a piggy! He meant it in a joking way, although at that time it wasn't so funny..

 

Ok so I need advice, not whether to keep it or not, as I'm just not sure at this moment in time..

 

Two questions, are pregnant women likely to get cravings 4 weeks in? I've never heard of it, I thought it tends to happen around the 12 weeks mark?

 

Plus I don't know when or whether I should tell my BF, I'm afraid he will freak out and dump me?...oh bother..

[IGlareOften]

Three things. First, you're like the 3rd person I've heard of who got pregnant on mirena. It's apparently NOT 99.9 percent effective.

 

Second, we can't give you advice on abortion. It's a very serious and very personal thing. It would be up to you.

 

Third, before you decide on keeping it or not..you must tell your bf. He deserves to know. He is, obviously, half of that child. Whether he dumps you or not...he deserves to know. If he DOES dump you over this...he's probably not someone you should stay with anyway.

 

Tell him..and you should probably do it soon. The more time you leave...the more chance you are to not tell him. Just my advice.

[Sunny1607307996]

Well, nobody here can tell you whether or not to keep the baby. It's a very personal decision that should not be taken lightly. I suggest you call planned parenthood, they have people who can walk you through the decision-making process or a hotline you can call to talk to someone.

 

You MUST tell your boyfriend. He has a right to know. He may have an opinion on abortion but ultimately it's your body and your decision. But you should take his opinion into consideration. How would you feel if you end up having a abortion and marrying this guy, and then tell him 5 years later that he may have had a child? It's not fair. He has a right to know. Being "scared of his reaction" is not a good enough excuse to keep something of this magnitude a secret from the father.

 

It's not an easy decision to make and I do not envy you. I'm sorry.

[HeartGoesOn]

Of course you should tell your boyfriend, you didn't make this baby on your own. If he makes the choice to "freak out, or dump you", that's on him, since he felt responsible enough to be having sex, he must be responsible enough to know the consequences, since no form of BC is 100% effective.

 

Whatever your choice is, he is just as responsible as you are. If you do decide to keep the baby, he has to "man up" and pay child support, which is something that should have been discussed before having a sexual relationship.

[SnowFox]

I just wanted to say I am sorry to hear about your situation.

 

I agree with the others that you need to tell your boyfriend, and then I wold contact Planned Parenthood and find out what resources they have for you in terms of counseling, etc.

 

Hang in there!

[unknownme]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

 

You are also the 3rd person I know who has gotten Prego with the IUD.

 

A friend of mine got Prego by her BF by their 4th month of dating, 8 yrs later they are still happily married. I wouldn’t jump into conclusions, I would suggest sitting and talking to your BF about the pregnancy and you both can decide together what the best solution is.

 

Good Luck

[sophie274]

How did the doctor date your pregnancy? From your last period? The dating could be off because of the effects of Mirena, if your periods are very light, you could have had a "period" while already pregnant - I'd wait until you get an ultrasound to be sure of the date (or maybe you already got one!).

 

Women usually experience a wide range of symptoms of pregnancy, and they can vary quite a lot from woman to woman. It's not particularly unusual for you to have cravings now, I think.

 

Did you and your boyfriend ever discuss what you would do in case of an accidental pregnancy? It's true that if you two disagree, it will likely put a big strain on the relationship, but I think you owe it to him to tell him about the pregnancy. Hopefully the conversation will go well.

[banju]

Yes you're right I should, I know its wrong to keep this from him!

However if I decided to do the 'proceedure', could affect the dynamics in the relationship?

 

It's like I have to make a decision of him or the baby, if it comes to that..I feel emotionally attached to him, but with this new news its so hard!!

 

I have to look at the facts, that i may be a single mum..

 

I'm really confused right now.

[banju]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

 

You are also the 3rd person I know who has gotten Prego with the IUD.

 

A friend of mine got Prego by her BF by their 4th month of dating, 8 yrs later they are still happily married. I wouldn’t jump into conclusions, I would suggest sitting and talking to your BF about the pregnancy and you both can decide together what the best solution is.

 

Good Luck

 

 

Thats great..in my experience the last guy i dated several years ago, wanted me to have the abortion and I did, tormented me for a while after that though Yes I've been through this before, its just that this time, I feel different. I'm older and I feel I can handle this..

[IGlareOften]

Yes you're right I should, I know its wrong to keep this from him!

However if I decided to do the 'proceedure', could affect the dynamics in the relationship?

 

It's like I have to make a decision of him or the baby, if it comes to that..I feel emotionally attached to him, but with this new news its so hard!!

 

I have to look at the facts, that i may be a single mum..

 

I'm really confused right now.

 

No matter what happens from here on out...the dynamics will change. This is a serious issue of a child. Things will change no matter. Whether positive or negative. Like you said..you've been through this before. you know how it feels to have an abortion. So, you can make an educated guess on what to do. We can't tell you what to do...only you know what;s right.

[sophie274]

So you are leaning towards keeping the baby, and are worrying that he will not be on board with the decision?

 

If that's the case ... you have to make the decision that you can live with. Bottom line is: most relationships break up, so regardless of what decision you make about your pregnancy it's most likely that you two will break up. So, looking at it from that reverse perspective, make the decision that you can live with and be happy with, regardless of how you think he will react (in terms of the relationship). Yes, you should discuss this with him, and if he states that he does not feel ready to be a father, you should consider how that will affect the life your baby might have and what the best decision is. But don't make a decision because he threatens to end the relationship if you make a different choice. I think that's something you'll regret.

 

I think a mature and responsible man will understand that he took a risk by having sex, that you didn't do this on purpose, and that if you decide to keep the baby he has to get on board with that decision for the sake of the baby - whether he wants to be in a relationship or not.

[banju]

How did the doctor date your pregnancy? From your last period? The dating could be off because of the effects of Mirena, if your periods are very light, you could have had a "period" while already pregnant - I'd wait until you get an ultrasound to be sure of the date (or maybe you already got one!).

 

Yes, he dated it from the period. I can't remember if my alst perioud was light, but if it was very heavy I probably would..Actually I'm going for an ultra sound on Wednesday, so we'll see..

 

Did you and your boyfriend ever discuss what you would do in case of an accidental pregnancy? It's true that if you two disagree, it will likely put a big strain on the relationship, but I think you owe it to him to tell him about the pregnancy. Hopefully the conversation will go well.

 

No we didn't discuss this..things moved so fast and then here's me thinkin I wasn't going to get preggy and hey presto with the IUD and all..

So even if we both decided on the proceedure, it could still affect the relationship? that really sucks? its a lose lose situation on the relationship front and we're just about getting really deep into each other, this is going to hit the whole thing on the head..I'm pretty gutted and upset that this is happening.

I checked my IUD strings a few weeks ago, everything in place, its such a shame that this is happening..for a while now since my last relationship which wasn't great left me with hardly any faith in men, then I met him. The most charming, endearing, lovable person in the world and now it can all turn sour! This is killing me and I have something growing inside me and i just don't know waht to do!!

I just want to cry but I'm trying to be really tough about this! Oh Jesus!

[sophie274]

Yes, you definitely had some bad luck with the IUD. It's ok to feel frustrated and upset and let yourself cry - you have a challenge to face, and you can allow yourself to feel sad before you get yourself together and face it.

 

If you both agree on what you want to do, then things will be a lot smoother than the reverse scenario. It's even possible that going through an abortion together will give you a closer bond ... it's also possible either one of you will experience emotions that will make you want to push the other away. I certainly don't think your relationship is doomed. I know lots of relationships that have survived an unplanned pregnancy, though there are of course some tough moments to deal with. I'd try to have a little faith that it might just work out ok!

 

You might want to take a day or so to get your thoughts together about how you feel about the pregnancy and what you want to do about it. It will probably help you feel a bit more serene and composed when you talk to him.

[unknownme]

Thats great..in my experience the last guy i dated several years ago, wanted me to have the abortion and I did, tormented me for a while after that though Yes I've been through this before, its just that this time, I feel different. I'm older and I feel I can handle this..

 

 

Follow your heart Banju..If you feel that you're ready to be a mother...welcome this precious baby into your life

[banju]

Really good advice, I'm going to ponder on that for a while!!

Thank you so much!!

[banju]

Yes, you definitely had some bad luck with the IUD. It's ok to feel frustrated and upset and let yourself cry - you have a challenge to face, and you can allow yourself to feel sad before you get yourself together and face it.

 

If you both agree on what you want to do, then things will be a lot smoother than the reverse scenario. It's even possible that going through an abortion together will give you a closer bond ... it's also possible either one of you will experience emotions that will make you want to push the other away. I certainly don't think your relationship is doomed. I know lots of relationships that have survived an unplanned pregnancy, though there are of course some tough moments to deal with. I'd try to have a little faith that it might just work out ok!

 

That sounds reassuring, I'm going to focus on trying to stay positive after my good old cry!

 

You might want to take a day or so to get your thoughts together about how you feel about the pregnancy and what you want to do about it. It will probably help you feel a bit more serene and composed when you talk to him.

That was exactly what I wa thinking as I was reading the posts! I just need to regroup, you're quite right, get everything together, relax then face him..

 

[banju]

I don't want to upset him..most of the time guys don't want the baby especially in our premature type relationship!! I'd rather hide away..seriously do, the thought of telling him is killing me!

[G-Snap]

May I ask - when did you have the IUD inserted? If you mentioned that already I missed it. I ask because from what I hear it is very very difficult for an egg to attach when a woman has an IUD inserted properly. I am wondering if there was any chance this occurred around the same date it was inserted? Since sperm can last three days maybe you guys had sex a day before and the doctor didn't see that you were pregnant and went forward with the procedure. I know you are not asking HOW this happened, I am just really shocked about it and wondering how because I have had an IUD for a couple of years and my doctor always assures me there is very very low risk...maybe he is giving me a false sense of security.

 

But to your issue, yes you have a very real and big life's decision to make. Don't make it rashly but you do have to discuss this with him. The sooner the better. Find out where he stands, and what you are up against. Hopefully he will be supportive no matter what decision you would like to make.

[HeartGoesOn]

I don't want to upset him..most of the time guys don't want the baby especially in our premature type relationship!! I'd rather hide away..seriously do, the thought of telling him is killing me!

 

But, he made the choice to have sex in your premature relationship. This is one of the possible consequences of that choice, and he has to deal with it.

 

I hope that you don't decide to carry all of this weight on your shoulders, just to let him off the hook.

[Sunny1607307996]

If you decide to keep the baby, you will have to do it under the assumption that you may become a single mom. Your boyfriend may "man up" and be with you 100% of the way and be an excellent father to the child (with or without being in a relationship with you).....or he may freak out and you may decide you legally bind him to his child in order to get support payments.

 

And since you've already had an abortion you already know the physical, emotional, and mental tolls it can take on your body and your relationship.

 

Nobody can predict how he will react, but you certainly need to tell him right away, even though it's difficult. You may lose him. It's scary, I know, but it's an unfortunate reality. You may lose him now, if he freaks out. You may lose him later, if he decides the guilt of an abortion was too much or that he doesn't want the responsibility of a child. You may lose him as a boyfriend but he may choose to stay in your life as the father of your child.

 

On the other hand, having an abortion or becoming parents together may bring you closer together. It sometimes happens.

 

I wish I had an easy answer for you. But you're just going to have to calm yourself down, and set aside a nice chunk of time to have a really serious conversation with him.

 

The sooner the better. If you are considering abortion then time is a factor, and if you decide to keep the baby then you need to start making a plan and saving as soon as possible. Besides, the stress is obviously getting to you!

 

It's true that most young men or men in premature relationships may not want the responsibility of a child. But even with birth control it's a possibility and he'll just have to face the music, same as you have.

 

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Virtual hugs!!!

[BellaDonna]

My GP immediately removed the IUD which I thought was 99.9% affective!

 

How far along are you, and what did the doctor say about the risks of removing it?

[abitbroken]

 

And since you've already had an abortion you already know the physical, emotional, and mental tolls it can take on your body and your relationship.

 

Maybe people will jump on my back for saying this - but if you already have had an abortion and are now faced with another unplanned pregnancy with a young man that it doesn't seem you are in a solid relationship with, you may want to review a few things. Baby or no (as adoption is an option, miscarriages can happen or you may choose abortion), and whether you stay with this guy or not, just know you are a valuable person and you deserve to wait for someone who feels the same about you. I am not saying you need to wait until marriage if you break up and meet someone else or to cut your boyfriend off, but there is a difference knowing if there is an "oops" the man already loves you for you. If there is no good communication established - which is the biggest thing I see here since you are really scared about saying something to him and just want to hide - then maybe sex should be withheld until you get a good foundation with someone.

 

That being said - there is no time like the present to start communicating and often. I think not communicating or bad communication damages a relationship worse than anything else. You have nothing to lose by trying, because it will either transform it into an awesome relationship or it will tell you that it is a toxic one or he will leave - the other alternative is to not communicate at all - unexplainably leave him if keeping the baby or quietly having an abortion. If you stay together and he finds out later you had aborted he will probably not trust you and if you just leave for no explanation you won't know what could have been. But at least in communicating there is a chance it will work out - crapshoot or no.

[banju]

May I ask - when did you have the IUD inserted? If you mentioned that already I missed it. I ask because from what I hear it is very very difficult for an egg to attach when a woman has an IUD inserted properly. I am wondering if there was any chance this occurred around the same date it was inserted? Since sperm can last three days maybe you guys had sex a day before and the doctor didn't see that you were pregnant and went forward with the procedure. I know you are not asking HOW this happened, I am just really shocked about it and wondering how because I have had an IUD for a couple of years and my doctor always assures me there is very very low risk...maybe he is giving me a false sense of security.

 

It was inserted 4 years ago, its expiry date is 5 years, HOWEVER doctor said because I left it nearer the expiry date it could have been less affective which is how I got pregnant. Another thing, my boyfriend also withdraws at the point of you know..and well that with the IUD, who would have thought?

It has been reliable for this long until now...I recommend you get it checked frequently by your GP to be safe, espcially after what has happened to me!

[banju]

How far along are you, and what did the doctor say about the risks of removing it?

 

I am 4 weeks and a bit now..the risks are gloomy. Possible miscarriage either way, taken out or kept in..In this scenario, I can't really get my hopes up if I want to keep it!

[banju]

If there is no good communication established - which is the biggest thing I see here since you are really scared about saying something to him and just want to hide - then maybe sex should be withheld until you get a good foundation with someone.

 

Yes thats true, a good relationship has good communication and believe me we chat for the world we share the most deep and personal things with each other, but I never thought I would get preggers and I have, this is different to talking to him about my ill dad or anything else..

Also our relationship was based on communication, when we first met we didn't have sex until the 5th date, we had spoke and met up many times before because we just simply got on as friends too!

Maybe this is good enough reason for me to tell him, because he DOES have an understanding side. In this 4 months we've shared a lot, and I'm surprised by that..

I do understand and agree with what you're saying though and I'm definitely not looking at this situation with rose tinted glasses like all will be ok between me and him regardless. I know the worst can happen and if it does I guess I'll just become a stronger person for it.

 

We'll see what happens..

 

That being said - there is no time like the present to start communicating and often. I think not communicating or bad communication damages a relationship worse than anything else. You have nothing to lose by trying, because it will either transform it into an awesome relationship or it will tell you that it is a toxic one or he will leave - the other alternative is to not communicate at all - unexplainably leave him if keeping the baby or quietly having an abortion. If you stay together and he finds out later you had aborted he will probably not trust you and if you just leave for no explanation you won't know what could have been. But at least in communicating there is a chance it will work out - crapshoot or no.

 

We communicate very well, nothing wrong in that department but I can ruin all that if I don't tell him, so yep you are indeed right about that. I just need time to regroup my thoughts for a few days then I'll face him.