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i can't do this anymore. how did you make it?


maryale

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hello everyone. i was in this relationship with this guy for three years and i love him. he loves me too. but we were in the most destructive relationship ever. there was no trust, there were too much fights, and we broke up. now i want to get over him but it's so hard! i feel like i wont be able to get over it. it's too hard. for him, everything is easier or so he shows it. but he still asks my friends for me, calls me, wants to see me, hangs out with me, but i cant do it that way. and id love to go back with him cause i could give more-- nothing is impossible and if we both wanted things to work, things will work out. we broke up about three weeks ago, i lost contact with him for 1 week and a half and i was feeling a lot better (maybe cause i always had this small thought that we are getting back together). i joined the gym, played sports, hang out with my girlfriends all the time. and then once in a while, my friends will be like "he's asking for you", "he's asking for your new number" and then this weekend, i see him and it's like it begins all over again. it feels like when we broke up three weeks ago all over again. the same pain and grief. i just rewinded my "process" and i cant. im too weak. i have no idea where to gather the strength to just end this! i want to end this cause the pain is just intolerable and then this part of my head it's like "you can be with him" and it makes me weak.

 

i told him to leave me alone that i just couldn't this way. i just couldn't get over him if he was still gonna be asking for me, calling me, etc and he told me that even though we have broken up that didnt mean he stopped caring about me and that he loves me and that's why he asks for me and calls me cause he cares about me but then he told me he was confused and that he wasnt sure about anything about us right now. and that destroyed me cause maybe i was able to feel better cause part of me thought we could get back together but now? now we're over, for real. and i cant sit and wait for him, i cant risk my heart that is destroyed right now to just sit and wait for him to tell me "i dont want to be with you anymore" or "i cleared up my head and i want things to work out between us"-- i have to take care of myself, of my heart, and i want to protect myself from that.

 

i know everyone goes through this. i know everyone thinks you can't make it.. but tell me, how did you make it? what did you do? one of the main problems is, our friends are all mutual. how am i going to disappear and distract myself if he's gonna be there, too. and it's not that easy to just back off and stop hanging out, cause i dont wanna be alone either. i want my friends' support and he's gonna be there.

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I guess I was lucky because we both went away to different colleges so I no longer could run into her. Out of sight, eventually out of mind. Other than that, I ignored her IMs and calls. It did me well I must say.

 

Do your friends know how much you're hurting? If they don't, let them know and tell them to not call you out if they know your ex is going to be in the same group. Also, do your best to ignore all contact from him. Might seem mean I guess, but you do come before him.

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I would not answer is calls, etc., at all. In time you may be able to see him in a group setting, but not now. He shouldn't prevent you from seeing your friends, but I find it hard to believe that "he will always be there" unless you regularly meet up with a group of friends in public places. I would work on cultivating relationships with your friends individually. If there is a girl or two you are closer too, I would initiate doing one on one activities with them - either you and one other girl go somewhere or have a girl's night where guys aren't invited. Also, it might be a good idea to spread your wings from "the group" = volunteer somewhere or join activities where you might meet new people and establish one on one friendships with folks outside of your usual group.

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Dated a girl for 4.5 years. She dumped me for another guy. Three days after she met him she dumped me.

 

I was devastated. What I did was focus on myself, exercise, learned how to play music, learned how to play raquetball. I made it a point that in a year I would not be the same person I was the day I got dumped.

 

I also had fun, trying new things, I went skiing, I went to Vegas. I also tried sushi for the first time, salmon. Anything new I could try I did.

 

As far as seeing your ex when you go out, just prepare to see it. Smile a lot and guys will approach you because you look fun and nice.

 

Just focus on yourself, and make it a goal to laugh everyday.

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