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My ex and I broke up 7 years ago, we dated 3 years previous to that.

 

Essentially we broke up because I was sick of his lack of ability to follow through with any plans in his life. I left for university, while he stayed in our home town doing odd jobs. I was tired of the lack of drive, and his lack of ability to be responsible for his own actions. It always seemed that he had big plans, with no way to get there. Or he would start something and never finish or commit himself fully. The only thing he was committed to was our relationship- this was something he made clear regardless of if we were together or not.

 

It seems every 6 months or so he re-appears in my life regardless of steps that I take to ensure he doesn’t.

 

About 3 years ago we had started talking again, we had both moved on, were both living with other people. He wanted to get back together. After a lot of thought, I decided that I would be willing to give us one more try. We took the initial steps in getting back together, however a month into this he abruptly told me that he couldn’t see me anymore; that he was going to stay in his other relationship and that they were having a child together.

 

Not only was I confused and hurt; it was this that finally pushed me to stop thinking that maybe one day we would actually get our lives together enough that we could finally have a life we both wanted together.

 

I moved on. I finished school, founded a career, and met someone who is an absolutely wonderful person. We got engaged, started making wedding plans, we took a trip for him to meet my extended family.

 

And then my ex made his re-appearance. Slowly but surely he established some form of communication over facebook, then I agreed to just meet him in person to provide some kind of closure for both of us.

 

Instead of closure I just ended up more confused. He had left me over drama with his now ex. She had threatened abortion of his now twin daughters. So he abruptly stopped seeing me. After a tumultuous relationship with her, he left. Moved into the same city I reside in, and is working in a trade to try to support himself and his 2 kids who live with their mom. He wants to get back together, feels like we have been given a second chance. As he’s single, and I’m not yet married (and have put the breakers on an wedding plans).

 

After months of thought and introspection I know 2 things. The current life I have built is comfortable, is stable and the safe route. My fiancé is a caring, selfless person who always puts his family and friends first. He isn’t argumentative, always respectful and encourages me to follow my dreams-

even if he doesn’t agree with them. He’s patient and keeps me grounded.

 

On the flip side my ex will always be the love of my life. I can’t explain the depth of the love and passion we have together. But really, that’s all we have.

 

I have to wonder if I’m absolutely nuts to be thinking about giving up everything I currently have for an uncertain future with someone who still doesn’t follow through with plans in his life. Has 2 kids with a nightmare of an ex. And doesn't know what he wants, other than a life with me.

 

Any thoughts or bits of wisdom are welcomed here!

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I think its not only horribly unfair to your fiancee, but also a terrible idea to get back together with this guy. Just because he seeked you out doesnt mean its some metaphysical "sign" for you guys to get together again. It probably means he cant make new relationships last... i mean its been 7 years! he has 2 kids, and you dont really know if he can give you what you want. the guy youre with now sounds like a dream to any woman... do you really still have feelings for this other guy? or are you just putting him on a pedestal because you dont have to deal with all the crap you hated about him in the first place?

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I'm not sure I really understand why you are/were even communicating with this man when you have a fiancé?

 

In my opinion you would be making a colossal mistake dumping your stable relationship for the drama that comes with your ex. You will now also have an ex gf with two kids in the mix and it sounds as if he's the same person you left?

 

I think it's really disrespectful that you are meeting with this guy (I assume your fiancé does not know about this?) under the guise of closure. Really at some point you gotta create your own closure. He slowly but surely established contact with you because you allowed it. You have allowed this temptation and doubt to come into your life because you let him back in.

 

Maybe you're just caught up in the 'excitement' of it all, but I'd suggest you cut the guy off and think very long and very hard about what you are contemplating. Block him on Facebook and really take a long hard look at what you may be about to do.

 

I would not consider his popping up in your life any kind of special sign at all. If you decide to continue on with your fiancé I think this guy needs to be cut from your life permanently.

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