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Girlfriend addicted to world of warcraft?!?


mattj

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Hey all, i'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years, however she recently keeps cutting short conversations on skype because she wants to play World of Warcraft...

 

Do you think she will get bored of it eventually?

 

Kinda confused about this, as the male, and younger to boot, shouldn't it be me getting addicted to computer games?

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My ex got addicted to it the six months before we broke up. We lived together, and I became a ghost to him. He would ditch me for their raids. Whatever you do, either kick it now to the curb, or kick her to the her. The game never ends. Expansions keep coming out. 14 million people play. It will never end.

 

I did every single approach to have him compromise even just a few minutes of time with me, from nice, to bargaining, to demanding, to ultimatums, to everything. It will not get better.

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I have a friend who's boyfriend got addicted to EverQuest. They had been together more then five years and all he wanted to do was play EQ. He lost his job because of this and didn't look for anything else. He expected her to support him. So she moved out.

 

They still tried to be together even though they didn't live together. But he met this girl playing EQ and started an online relationship with her while still dating my friend. My friend didn't know about this though.

 

Their relationship just fell apart from there. He ended up traveling accross the country to meet his EQ girlfriend in person and she ended up not being what he expected. So he came back to town and begged my friend to take him back and she wouldn't.

 

Shortly after that he got kicked out of his apartment and had to go live with his parents. Then his car got repo'd.

 

He tried to sue my friend, saying it was her fault that all this happened since she moved out. No lawyer would take his case.

 

I don't know what ever happened to him.

 

I know this isn't what you want to hear... But this is what happens to these people. Hopefully my friend's ex was able to kick the habit, even if the damage was already done.

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You can play WoW and be on Skype at the same time... Sounds like a reason to not talk to you.

Probably not the case, she doesn't mind if i call her on her phone whilst she's playing.

 

Anyway, she's currently trying to get me to play too.

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Does she have a set schedule that she needs to be on with her clan/guild (or whatever they call with WoW) or is it random? I'm sure she can pull away from the computer for 30 minutes to talk to you at least.

 

These online games are definitely addicting, in many aspects, including the social community it creates. I remember that with Counter Strike when it came out years ago, belonging to a so-called reputable clan, joining leagues, and was starting to get addicted to Call of Duty 4 until it just cut into my sleep too much.

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Why don't you tell her that you feel a little hurt that she keeps cutting your conversations short to play the game? You said she is currently trying to get you to play. Is there anyway for you to try it out? One of my friends had a boyfriend obsessed with the game and although she was very against it at first she started playing it with him sometimes and it become a fun activity that they could occasionally do together.

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Probably not the case, she doesn't mind if i call her on her phone whilst she's playing.

 

Anyway, she's currently trying to get me to play too.

 

oh...that sounds bad.

she is addicted.

Looks like she prefers virtual life over real one. you two are long distance, she fulfils her needs for company through WOW....just doesn't seem healthy at all. My advice would be for you to socialize and go out as much as you can - make your life busy, and soon you won't have time to wait for her to be free of WOW to be able to talk to you. It will help you decide what to do with much less stress.

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Well, most of her friends in real life play, so she likes to play with them.

 

I asked her about why she had to leave skype to play- she pointed out she liked to play fullscreen, found doing 2 things at once distracting, and that there was some kind of bonus for playing WoW at around the same time we normally speak.

 

Also, she pointed out that when she left to play skype we had been speaking for half an hour, which we do every day- so perhaps i'm being paranoid.

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Do you think she will get bored of it eventually?

Well...I started playing WoW in fall 2006 and I'm still not bored of it.

 

Kinda confused about this, as the male, and younger to boot, shouldn't it be me getting addicted to computer games?

 

Following the stereotype, yes, you should.

 

But with WoW, the stereotype does not hold. I am a middle-aged female. I was not a "gamer" prior to WoW and I don't consider myself a "gamer" now. I don't have any particular interest in other video games. I have bumped into a lot of people playing this game who don't fit the "late teen/early 20's gamer guy" profile.

 

I started playing because my husband started playing and I got sucked in watching him play.

 

We ended up getting a second computer because of this game.

 

We ended up with a guild that had some real hardcore addicted types and had to discontinue a couple of real-life friendships when we decided to leave that group about a year ago.

 

I have had previous first hand experience with addiction issues - I dated an alcoholic some 15 years ago, and had my own issues with compulsive behavior around food. One of my first observations about this game was that it was almost like the developers had taken everything that makes addictive substances addictive and distilled them into one package.

 

If I did not start playing WoW when I did, I don't know that I'd be happily married (or married at all) right now. Fortunately, I didn't have to find out. Most of the couples I know where one partner plays WoW and the other doesn't tend to have arguments over the game. It is very difficult to play this game casually -- like a Bejeweled or something like that. Because of the nature of it, you frequently cannot just get up and walk away. People who don't play and don't have any interest in playing do not understand that.

 

Onto the other thing you brought up (and what I believe may actually be the bigger issue)

 

Why are you in a long-distance relationship? Were you ever NOT in a long distance relationship with this girl? I do have a bias against relationships that develop online and are carried out mostly online/on the phone with little to no regular face-to-face interaction. There's enough of another person there that you can completely convince yourself that it's all "real" (and vehemently argue that it is "real"), but the fact of the matter is "real" needs frequent, regular face-to-face interaction.

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Onto the other thing you brought up (and what I believe may actually be the bigger issue)

 

Why are you in a long-distance relationship? Were you ever NOT in a long distance relationship with this girl? I do have a bias against relationships that develop online and are carried out mostly online/on the phone with little to no regular face-to-face interaction. There's enough of another person there that you can completely convince yourself that it's all "real" (and vehemently argue that it is "real"), but the fact of the matter is "real" needs frequent, regular face-to-face interaction.

 

We studied together (and lived together) for about a year in one country, then each moved back to our own respective countries for work/education.

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We studied together (and lived together) for about a year in one country, then each moved back to our own respective countries for work/education.

 

Ok, when you each went back home, did you make any plans to move near each other again at some point in the future?

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Yes, but i need to finish my degree first.

 

Well, at least there's some sort of plan.

 

It is difficult carrying on essentially separate lives when you are in a relationship. It's helpful if you both know that there is some sort of definite plan or timeline for when you will not be separated like this.

 

In the interim, though...it can get tough.

 

When you were living together, was she playing WoW? Was it a problem at that point....or only since you moved apart?

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Well, at least there's some sort of plan.

 

It is difficult carrying on essentially separate lives when you are in a relationship. It's helpful if you both know that there is some sort of definite plan or timeline for when you will not be separated like this.

 

In the interim, though...it can get tough.

 

When you were living together, was she playing WoW? Was it a problem at that point....or only since you moved apart?

 

She used to play a different game, it wasn't a problem because we didn't have an internet connection for a long time, but yeah she did play that a bit much too.

She changed to playing WoW because she was reccomended it by a friend (she has some friends who work for blizzard) and is really into it now.

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Hey all, i'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years, however she recently keeps cutting short conversations on skype because she wants to play World of Warcraft...

 

Do you think she will get bored of it eventually?

 

Well she may or may not get bored of it. I got bored of it and had a long break. I was sick of having to meet people at a set time and spend x hours at a go uninterrupted to progress and get stuff. So that was it I quit. I came back to it recently and you no longer have to spend anything like as long on it. I don't play on the weekends and I usually play 30 minutes a day during the week except when there is other stuff going on or I don't feel like it. So it is now much easier to play on a casual basis.

 

I don't think it is totally fair for people to say it will take over her life. It is not like alcohol where there can be physical problems when you stop taking it. It is not addictive in the same way alcohol and drugs can be. Also we have no frame of reference here. Is she playing every single waking hour, one hour a day, two or three hours every other day or what? I don't think anyone can say yeah she is addicted and the relationship is on a downhill slope, because we do not have enough information. You do talk 30 minutes a day which is quite good going I think, do you want to talk more? Does she have a night of the week where she raids? Raids involve uninterrupted periods of play at set times. So for example is she cutting conversations shorter on say a Tuesday night all the time (as it's the raid night for her group), and never cutting it short other nights? If this is the case can you ask what the raid night is and ring around it?

 

Honestly I think only you can be the judge of this, none of us know how much time she is playing on this, how much it is affecting you and if you can come to an agreement (such as short phone calls on raid night and longer at other nights for example). It is hard to do things long distance and the fact remains that if you are in different countries she is going to have to do something in her free time (the same applies to you), and this could well affect the times you talk to each other. Does she know what you think of this?

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People have gotten divorced over this game.

 

Not always true. There have been others who have become closer because of MMORPG games like WoW.

 

If it helps OP...

I have been playing Final Fantasy XI with my boyfriend for so long since we've been in an LDR. It's like WoW with the same online gaming concept. We went to community college together and didn't know we both played on the same server! By the time I transferred to a college that was hours away, I still played FFXI with him. It actually kept our relationship closer because I could always talk to him on the game, finding stuff to do on the game that took my mind off of things (college being stressful... yea). We broke off the game for 2 years so we could focus on our final years of college (plus we went to see other people).

 

We've been in an LDR for 4 years. That's a really long time. FFXI kept us close in times of distress. We didn't let the game interfere with our relationship. Recently I moved to be closer after finding a temp job and we plan days on when we will play FFXI or see each other. I wouldn't consider myself addicted since I know when to put away the games and spend time with my boyfriend in person.

 

Have you thought about playing WoW with your girlfriend?

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She used to play a different game, it wasn't a problem because we didn't have an internet connection for a long time, but yeah she did play that a bit much too.

She changed to playing WoW because she was reccomended it by a friend (she has some friends who work for blizzard) and is really into it now.

 

Are you just not into video games at all or just not WoW-type games?

 

From what you've said here, it seems like she's had a pattern of enjoying video games prior to WoW. It's an established hobby/interest for her. Whether it's crossed the line into "addiction" is up for debate. I'm sure there are people who'd look just at the amount of time my husband and I spend on WoW and would say we're addicted. But, neither of us has missed/skipped work because of the game, when we play we generally play together - it's a shared hobby/interest, we aren't neglecting any other parts of our lives. What we have here is a "time consuming hobby." It's not the first time consuming hobby I have had in my life, and I'm certain it won't be the last.

 

So, I guess you need to objectively evaluate whether you think she has an addiction or a time consuming hobby that you may or may not share. I would also try to separate this out from the issues that arise from being in a long-distance relationship -- i.e. do you feel she's neglecting you because of the game or is the fact that you are no longer living under the same roof the real source of your feeling neglected/distanced?

 

If you decide it's an addiction and she does not agree there's a problem, well, you're in a really rough spot. Because, having dealt with an addict (alcoholic), I can tell you that someone with an active addiction is not capable of being in/creating/maintaining a healthy relationship.

 

 

I still think your bigger issue is the distance. Her gaming habits are a highly visible and easy target for your ire...but my gut feeling is the overriding issue right now is the fact that you are long-distance.

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These online games are definitely addicting, in many aspects, including the social community it creates. I remember that with Counter Strike when it came out years ago, belonging to a so-called reputable clan, joining leagues, and was starting to get addicted to Call of Duty 4 until it just cut into my sleep too much.

 

I went through the same thing with COD4. Time just flew.

 

 

I think she just needs to get her priorities in check, and you need to let her know that. If she feels that WoW is more important to her than your relationship, well...

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I'm with shes2smart on all this. Nice mage table btw. If you can't tell I play it also. With my SO. Before I played it was just the SO playing. Drove me a little nuts but we had our schedule and it didn't interfere with anything in his life. Work, quality time with me, house duties, ect. When I got sucked into it. Yeah it was our "time consuming hobby" like shes2smart said. But we still went to work, still went out socially, we still had our lives. When we had nothing going on though. We played. Could be a reason why she wants you to play. So you two can interact more.

 

Think about it. You're not around. She's alone. She's got some friends that play. She MAY have one phone call to look forward to from you per day. That probably doesn't last very long. At the very least ask her to discontinue play for a half an hour every day when you call so that you have her attention. Which it sounds like to me that she already does considering she's tabbed out and "can't play WoW" while talking to you. Side note on this, I talk on Skype and play WoW all the time, at the same time. So she's being more curtious to you than even I would be. Plus sometimes because it is a hobby and there are story lines and dungeons you can't just get out of. She might just ask you to call back at a later time or that she'll give you a ring when she's done. I don't see the harm in that either.

 

If the LDR thing is really what's bothering you because of less contact....that might be more of the issue and something you need to work out with her. Maybe you just need to tough it out until the two of you can move closer to each other? Relationships take work. Sorry to let the secret that most want to ignore out! But it's true. It's up to you to decide she's worth your efforts. Just because she's keeping herself occupied doesn't meant there's anything wrong. Maybe you should find a hobby of your own too? Maybe put a schedule together with her for conversation time? Talk and work it out with her!

 

The gaming. As long as she's not addicted, that really shouldn't be a problem more just a hobby. Again like shes2smart said, if it is an addiction then you need to decide if you feel it's worth you sticking around and helping her. If you feel this is something you cannot do then just go. But ultimatums are never the way to go I will point out. I don't care if you even have a point with it, if you gave me one I'd chose the option most unappealing to you simply because you gave me one. Those are selfish and you shouldn't have to bully someone into doing what you want them to do. They have a mind. They can choose without the decision being forced on them.

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