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Too stupid for school...


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I just started this spring at Tx state and I am taking a world geography class, the geography part of the class is easy I love it its fun, the political parts; on the other hand are excruciatingly boring for me and I am having trouble finding out what to write, how to respond to forums and just keeping up with the readings.

I feel I am just too stupid for school or maybe its just not what I want to do with my life? I mean I want to travel I want to experience people places and cultures but do I really have to go to school for this?

Am I stupid if I just quit now while Im not in so much debt? I just don't think I can do this it really depresses me, and I feel like I would rather just end my life than to deal with living. Not just because school is stressful but life in general, I mean what am I going to do with myself? I don't know, Im 26 and Im an usher at a movie theatre for chris sakes! I feel my imagination has left me, my mind is now just filled with either depressing thoughts, anxiety or just wanting to drink and have sex. I know its not a good life style but Im so tired of trying, of thinking that there's gotta be something more to this life than where I am, and what I do. There isnt, its just life its just disappointment, frustration and a never ending need to accomplish something I know Im not good enough to accomplish.

I can't even take care of my damn dog, which I got for my ex and has been sort of a pain for me to take care of because now that he's gone I have to work two jobs while going to school just to pay for bills, and stuff.

I feel so f-ing miserable and my apartment is so disgusting. Im also stuck with a 1000 dollar furniture bill that I got for my ex and his back problems.

WHAT THE F HAPPENED TO ME??!!!! I feel like a complete and utter failure and Im just going nowhere fast. No musical skills, no artistic skills, no nothing its all slipped away my dreams, my hopes even that belief that some sort of good is in this world, its gone. I feel as though I've been crushed and as I try to move past this by occupying myself with things like goals and school and dreams of a career I think on it and say to myself "why? your just gonna get another degree and go no where with it."

A part of me wants to be a part of something more, something helpful, and yet I feel the motivation is gone. I feel disillusioned about anything and everything that is positive.

Most people will say well hey at least you have a roof over your head, food in the fridge and family who loves you. And yes these are all great things, but I have a roof over my head that I cannot afford, and I am afraid Im gonna get kicked out soon, my family loves me yes, but they cannot and do not understand my state of depression and are instead apathetic towards it saying well just keep busy. I have junk food in my home and no motivation or desire to cook anymore.

Oh this rant can go on forever I am sorry for having you listen to me all I do is * * * * * , and change nothing, but how can I change anything when whenever I try, I feel Im right back where I started.

I need professional help, and I have no insurance, can anyone anywhere suggest a place in austin,tx where I can see a psychiatrist and get some help? possibly for low cost or free? Im just so depressed and I just can't seem to get out of my self pity. I have gotten to the point where I really hate myself and who I am and what I have become.

I am finally willing to submit to medication if necessary because I am just so tired of feeling this way.

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Hello JK!

 

I am going to break down my response in bullet points because I want to make sure I don’t forget to add any of the things I want to say.

 

1) I have been in academia most of my life, both as a student and as an instructor –from primary school to graduate level research. And I can honestly tell you, hand on my heart, that I have never met anyone who was “too stupid” for school. I have met unmotivated students, confused students, too-smart and therefore bored students, students that were focused on something else, and most importantly, students who thought they weren’t good enough and were very insecure about their abilities and had given up on themselves… until someone or something came along and made them see differently.

 

2) You don’t need to love every aspect of the courses you take. In fact, you can absolutely and positively hate parts of it. I am getting a PhD and it involves about 60 percent of research I love to do, and 40 percent of stuff I wish I never had to lay eyes on. That’s the really hard part –the part that makes me feel like I am really earning my degree. It involves me having to read and re-read the same text time and time again until I finally get it, investing extra time until I have it all nailed down, and several “why am I wasting my life in this stuff” type crises per month.

 

3) In order to do what you want to do, you often have to first do a whole bunch of things that you do not want to do. I moan about it and complain about it and bore my friends to tears with how hard my work is, but I still have to do it.

 

4) I find that it is essential to have a goal. But it is even more important that you make that goal “fuzzy” You don’t want a super-specific goal, but rather a general idea of where you want your life to go. Time-lines are good, but again they need to be blurry –this way you keep yourself focused, and at the same time flexible enough to be open to life’s surprises. If your goal is too specific and narrow, you will only sabotage yourself through completely irrational and unfair disappointment. You NEED to be fair to yourself: there will be set-backs, hard times, steps back, time wasted and random stuff beyond your control. All that is perfectly ok. Not pleasant, but ok.

 

5) I am the world’s leading procrastinator. For many years I operated under the (wrong) assumption that first I needed to feel motivated, and then I would do stuff. As it turns out (and there are rigorous psychological studies about this), motivation only follows action. What I mean to say is, lack of motivation is not really an existential issue. Just start doing what you think you need to do, even if you feel “what’s the bloody point”. That’s how humanity gets through Mondays every week. You will be shocked about how motivated you feel once you start actually doing something.

 

6) I do not know the intricacies of the American health insurance system, but I do know how hard it is to get even remotely affordable help when you hit a bump. What I can suggest, for example (and I am a bit reluctant to post this here in case it’s considered advertising, in which case I hope someone lets me know and I will edit it out), is to do some cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) on your own. It has an astonishing rate of success, and it costs you very little money to pick a guidebook. I would strongly recommend you to check out “Feeling Good – the New Mood Therapy” by David D. Burns, one of the leading CBT practitioners in the world. It will cost you about ten bucks and it has all the basics you need to “fix your head”. If you want something more hands-on and still cheap, check out [link removed[/url]. You can sign up for an online CBT program for depression for a year, you have live support from trained therapists, and it costs about a hundred dollars.

 

That’s it. Sorry for the big essay I hope I helped some.

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The school should have free mental health services if you feel you need them.

 

Also, just because you're not doing well in one course does not necessarily mean you are too stupid for school. Everyone has their strong points....I can ace a math, psych, or English class with my eyes closed, but put me in a history class and I'll be lucky to pass. Don't give up so easily, it sounds like you're just overwhelmed right now and need to take a deep breath. Have you tried selling the furniture so you're out from under that debt? That might take some stress off of you....

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