Christian or not?

[polodall]

I have been dating this guy that I know comes from a very good christian family and my faith is something that is very important to me. Since we have been dating, I have realized that he is not involved in any type of church community and I feel that is something he should do. I am going to talk with him about it and I am not sure what is going to happen or how he will react. Has anyone had any similar experiences?

[Capricorn3]

I have realized that he is not involved in any type of church community and I feel that is something he should do. I am going to talk with him about it

What are you going to say to him? Are you going to tell him he has to attend church now that he's dating you?

[polodall]

no, just that eventually our relationship will not last because that is a very important aspect in my life. he has been involved before so that is not the issue

[sophie274]

If dating someone who is very religious is important to you, choose to date someone who is already involved in a church. Don't try to make the men you are seeing get involved in church because of you. After all, that's not really the idea of going to church, is it? Clearly, this man's family is religious but he isn't. I would not suggest anything to him about joining a church unless it's something he has expressed interest in himself.

[BellaDonna]

How long have you been dating?

 

Could you see yourself with him if he respected the idea that being part of a church community was an important aspect of your life, but chose not to particpate as much as you do?

[Capricorn3]

If dating someone who is very religious is important to you, choose to date someone who is already involved in a church. Don't try to make the men you are seeing get involved in church because of you. After all, that's not really the idea of going to church, is it? Clearly, this man's family is religious but he isn't. I would not suggest anything to him about joining a church unless it's something he has expressed interest in himself.

^^ I agree with all of the above. Maybe it's best to find someone already involved in your church, rather than trying to change someone into doing something they may not want to.

[polodall]

Ok, with his family, they are very close and they would be very disapointed if they knew about this issue in his life. Its something he has chosen not to share with them. We have been friends for a few years and dating for a few months. He knows how I am about my faith and he knows how involved i am. I am not expecting him to get involved as much as i am i just need him to show interest.

[Capricorn3]

I have been dating this guy that I know comes from a very good christian family

Is that not enough? Will going to church somehow make him much better and even more christian? Just trying to understand .....

[polodall]

community is very important, when there is no community there is a disconnect from God because we are meant to fellowship with other christians. That is God's calling for us

[BellaDonna]

I would let him know your views but don't be surprised if he decides to part ways. This sort of thing isn't something that can be forced upon another person and he may be very happy with his current lifestyle and his choices. He may not feel the need to have the coummunity involvement if he has his own personal understanding of his faith.

[sophie274]

Ok, with his family, they are very close and they would be very disapointed if they knew about this issue in his life. Its something he has chosen not to share with them. We have been friends for a few years and dating for a few months. He knows how I am about my faith and he knows how involved i am. I am not expecting him to get involved as much as i am i just need him to show interest.

 

So he used to go to church more but doesn't anymore? I assume there is a reason why ... if he is feeling ambivalent about his faith, all you can do is talk to him if he wants to discuss it.

 

What would showing interest entail? Him asking you about your work with the church? I imagine you two already discuss it. Him going every once in a while? Once a week?

 

He clearly knows how important your faith is to you - and, I assume, respects it, and has plenty of opportunities to go to a church fellowship. It sounds fairly clear to me that he does not want to join a group himself. I assume he has chosen not to discuss this with his family because he doesn't want to be berated - I'm not sure how you will navigate the discussion with him.

[Capricorn3]

I think BellaDonna covered it very well. I guess there's no harm in talking to him about it, but don't be too surprised if he walks away.

[Chriz]

Ok, with his family, they are very close and they would be very disapointed if they knew about this issue in his life. Its something he has chosen not to share with them.

 

Are you talking about not being involved with the church being the issue? Or is there some other underlyring issue which is stopping him from being invoved with the church community?

[sophie274]

I would let him know your views but don't be surprised if he decides to part ways. This sort of thing isn't something that can be forced upon another person and he may be very happy with his current lifestyle and his choices. He may not feel the need to have the community involvement if he has his own personal understanding of his faith.

 

Bella stated much more elegantly what I was trying to say. I agree 100% with this.

[pinkrobot]

I also agree with BellaDonna.

 

And the thing is, it's either a hit or miss. If he only begins participating in church to make you happy, you will always wonder if his heart's really in it or if it's just to keep you around, and later on you'll wonder if he resents you for it. So if he doesn't want to do it for himself as much as he wants to do it for you, maybe he's just not the right guy for you.

[annie24]

Ok, with his family, they are very close and they would be very disapointed if they knew about this issue in his life. Its something he has chosen not to share with them. We have been friends for a few years and dating for a few months. He knows how I am about my faith and he knows how involved i am. I am not expecting him to get involved as much as i am i just need him to show interest.

 

what do you mean by show interest? do you mean someone who will attend church with you in addition to bible study and whatever other church events/parties/camping weekends are going on?

[Rangafro]

community is very important, when there is no community there is a disconnect from God because we are meant to fellowship with other christians. That is God's calling for us

 

Is there no community without church? Not trying to start a religious debate; I just want to know if there is something else that can supplant church for demonstrating a value for community, or if there is more to you desire for a church-going partner.

[greywolf]

OP, think about this... Do you want someone who only goes to church because you asked him to? Wouldn't you rather be with someone who goes because it's important to him as well?