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please anyone help me out


ehart

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My boyfriend broke up with me 3 and a half weeks ago. We were together for 3 years and had a good relationship. He did cheat 6 months into our relationship but not again after that. He broke up with me because i dont handle any type of stress well and i usually got cranky when i was stressed about school, work or money. I sometimes said things i didnt mean under stress. We both did that but me more. Anyways I am suffering so so badly. I cant seem to cope at all. For the first week I called, begged, cried, lost 10pounds and constantly tried to get a hold of him. He never talked to me the first week. I went 2 days withouttexting him and finally he sent me a text saying he was miserable and i tried to comfort him which probably wasnt good. The next day he ignored me again. Then I have seen him out at the bar on 2 different occasions and he has said how much he misses me and tries to dance and talk. I asked him the next day if he was just drunk and he said no i remember every thing i dont regret it at all it was true. So of course i get my hopes up and text and he again ignores me. He also texts me asking me about guys as well so he does care. I dont know if he ignores me because he knows i will text and that he has that power right now? So i have decided to stop texting him and trying to contact him but i feel like it has complete control of me!! how do i stop?? I want him back so badly but im in so so much pain now that i feel like I need someone to help me with guidelines on how to move on and maybe he will crawl back in the process? please anyone help me I have never felt pain like this before. Please.

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awww. the first month or so after any break up just sucks. and your ex is doing the classic move: he pulls away as long as he knows you want him; if you pull away, he chases you. the best advice i can give you is this:

 

you broke up for a reason; don't try to go back. work on how you deal with stress during this time so that your next relationship can be loving and healthy. in the meantime-- stay busy! go out with friends; work on a hobby; if you go to school, get involved and stay on top of your classes. instead of mourning 24/7, give yourself 2 hours a day to think about him. tomorrow, give yourself 100 minutes. the day after, stop the pity party after 90 minutes... train yourself to be strong! no more calling, no more texting, and no more back and forth will make it so much easier for you to heal.

 

i know it seems impossible, but you will feel good again.

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thank you for yor reply. I feel like my whoel world is crashing down I miss him so much I cant even get out of bed. But I know I have to stop contacting him. but thannk you so much for your reply. I live alone and im 21 and have no one to talk to right now.

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Being someone who's been trough many breakups (being both the dumer and the dumpee) I've found that the best thing to do to get over it is to completely sever all connections. It hurts like all hell but it makes things so much easier and you heal so much more quickly. Right know you're peeling the band-aid off very slowly instead of just ripping it off. If he truly wants you back let him come to you, he already knows how you feel so all you can do in the mean time is distract yourself. Being with friends, having hobbies, anything to make you smile and forget about him. If he does contact you don't act desperate, even though you'll want to beg for him to come back you really need to show him that you're not stressed out and show him that you're strong, since that's why you two broke up in the first place, you being too stressed out over things.

And so what if he doesn't come back to you? You have every right to be stressed over school, work, personal issues, etc. if he doesn't want to support you and help make your life a little easier then you should find someone who will.

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this forum makes me feel alot better.kyoot panda I am going to try so hard to sever connections. I need to. He doesnt deserve to not be worried or upset because he knows I will text him or that he can ask me anything and i will tell him my where abouts or who i am with. it makes me sad.

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I had an awful day today. I was so strong and went 2 days without contacting my ex. This morning i woke up to a harsh text from him saying he wouldnt be surprised if i am seeing someone already. this broke my heart because i was loyal to him for 4 years and for him to accuse me of seeing someone after a month that really hurt. I ended up texting him back saying that was really rude. He fought with me saying it wasnt and we got into a fight where he said to stop talking to him and that he was happy. i said i was to even though he knows i have been miserable. I dont get it why would he freak out about guys if he is so "happy". Im so angry with him he has been nothing but rude to me and he broke up with me!! All he ever asks is about guys. Do you really think he is happier? im so sad.

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This morning i woke up to a harsh text from him saying he wouldnt be surprised if i am seeing someone already.

 

I dont get it why would he freak out about guys if he is so "happy". Im so angry with him he has been nothing but rude to me and he broke up with me!! All he ever asks is about guys. Do you really think he is happier? im so sad.

 

He is jealous and still dictating who you are with-- even though he doesn't want it to be him. I know you will find it hard, but stop responding to him. He thinks you're dating? Good! That's what break-ups are: we date other people. Let him heal whatever way he needs to-- but right now, he's doing his best to keep you from moving on. No matter what he says, don't respond... otherwise, it's like picking the scab off your heart.

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He's being dramatic, with his on and off communication with you, and you are feeding into that drama by responding and feeling miserable from his actions. Hang in there! You need to sever communications and start working on building yourself back up. Breaking up is tough but you're just dragging it on if you keep communicating with him. If you realize you've had problems with stress, you should start working on that. Therapy, counseling, keeping yourself busy, and above all, doing things that make you happy - these will help you build yourself back together. Trust me, the first few months will be miserable and now that you know it will be miserable, face it and work through it! : ) You were an individual person before your relationship so go and recover yourself.

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