Hell must have frozen over....

[AutumnBorn]

Yes, inquiring minds want to know. How is it going?

[marshmlofluff]

brwneyedgrl333 you are the best. When I read this thread I said "If he ever contacts me, I'm gonna be just like her."

 

Then he did, and I was.

[squirl]

Been about 8 weeks, has it Marshmallow?

 

Just curious, what did he say?

[marshmlofluff]

Been about 8 weeks, has it Marshmallow?

 

Just curious, what did he say?

 

Eight weeks minus one day; right on schedule. He didn't/couldn't say anything as I do not have an answering machine. He could have left a voice mail on my cell or sent an e-mail, but he has told me he dislikes e-mail for serious conversations and as to the voice mail, I have a feeling he only wanted to speak to me directly. When we were dating he used to call Fridays at 7 p.m. to arrange coming over on Saturday; he called exactly Friday 7 p.m. so he may very well have wanted to come over.

 

I know him pretty well; there is only one thing he would call to say. He's the moody, emotional type who periodically causes large explosions--and given that we haven't spoken in eight weeks this one was going to be on the order of Mount Vesuvius erupting. It probably would have been

 

Me: "Hi, Joe."

Him: *sob sob sob* "Fluff I miss you SO much...*sob gasp*...I'm so sorry I dumped you...I miss you...I screwed up...I haven't thought of anything but you in eight weeks; I needed to hear your voice."

 

This is exactly how things played out after we once had a fight and he told me to leave him alone for a few days. I obliged him, and by the time he finally called he was distraught, sobbing, missing me terribly, and apologizing profusely. After eight weeks NC I can only imagine that he is in the same state. Like brwneyedgirl's ex he is a stubborn, bullheaded man. Must have cost him a great deal to pick up the phone and face rejection. But when I feel sorry for him I remember that I told him I loved him and he rejected that.

 

I do care, and I do wonder how he is. But I am tired of explosions, and I am tired of being affected by his moods; I am not prepared to be dumped when he gets depressed and reconcile when he feels better. He treated me badly, and I don't want to speak to him.

 

And that's why I'm not going to take/return his call.

[brwneyedgrl333]

Hey blah and Autumn...

 

Nope....I still haven't responded and I won't...not to a 6 word question.

Haven't heard another peep, just as I thought and it's 2 weeks tomorrow since he sent his little attempt at who knows what.

I may rant just a tish here! Caught me on a tough night...

 

He's a very proud and stubborn guy. Can't imagine him sending another since he got no response from the first one, but what do I know!? He shocked me by even sending that one. I've had up and down days since a few days after his NC breach but I'm hanging tough here. It's hard not to wonder and still "hope" a bit, as pathetic as that sounds that he would put a bit more effort into it then a 6 word email asking if I wanted to meet somewhere but again.....what do I know? I am worth SO much more then that!

My head knows that's it's definitely for the best but my heart's laggin' behind just a bit. If he's truly missing me and the relationship and does realize what he messed up, I would think the contact would continue with something a bit more substancial I would hope but...I'm not sitting here counting on it, that's for sure.

 

I've had 2 other guys that have been the dumpers in past relationships and both came back..or should I say TRIED to. One of those relationships was long distance and lasted a year...the other lasted 6 years. One made contact after 2 months NC and another after 3 and both admited they had totally screwed up and wanted to get back together. I couldn't do it I just could NOT go back there...trust was completely gone and I I believe if someone who claims to love me is capable of hurting me so deeply on a whim and both were GIGS deals I found out after the fact... they were capable of doing it again and probably would have.They had the opportunity to rip my heart out once...that's all there was. I obviously didn't hold a whole lot of value with them FOR them to do that to me. Couldn't go back...not that I didn't toss the idea around alot after initial attemps by them but when it came right down to it...it couldn't be done. But what DID make things "right" in both situations is that they BOTH sincerely apologized and wanted to make things right. That was beyond HUGE in the helping me heal department. Actually...the ex from the 6 year relationship...and it's been 3 years since the breakup, STILL calls and emails and lets me knows how he feels! Let go already! But...ya just don't realize alot of times what you truly have until you just do not have it anymore and the opportunity TO have it again, is gone. Hopefully it teaches a valuable lesson for future relationships....hopefully.

 

My present ex and I...together over 2 years....had our issues but no deal breaker stuff...and he broke up pretty abruptly and cruelly and don't forget coldly. I'm STILL amazed at how he turned so quickly. I'm 46 years old...47 at the end of the month and it still amazes me when seeing how some of the people that we love can turn into complete strangers in the blink of an eye....I can't make sense of that in my head and never will.

I don't know for sure but my gut tells me it was another GIGS deal with my present ex...would bet $ on it....a woman knows deep down I think. I don't need to know for sure....it would just cause more pain. What I know now is plenty. That he could throw away over two years of some pretty amazing stuff with a pretty amazing lady who treated him like gold, when the spirit moved him to do so. Can't go back....same old story for me I guess.

 

So.....that's where I'm at right now....73 days NC for me and counting.

I'm human though and DO wonder if he will try again or not. My guess is "not" and that would be in my best interest for sure. What does everyone else think? We just never really know. Have to live our lives like what's done is done and keep on keeping on...that's all we can really do. How are you all doing?

[brwneyedgrl333]

MARSH!! WAY TO GO GIRLFRIEND!! SO proud that you were strong and took care of you FIRST and foremost. It's not easy but it is SO worth it...YOU are SO worth it!!

 

You should be SO proud of you right now!!!

[mgirl]

It's hard not to wonder and still "hope" a bit, as pathetic as that sounds that he would put a bit more effort into it then a 6 word email asking if I wanted to meet somewhere but again.....what do I know? I am worth SO much more then that!

My head knows that's it's definitely for the best but my heart's laggin' behind just a bit. If he's truly missing me and the relationship and does realize what he messed up, I would think the contact would continue with something a bit more substancial I would hope but...I'm not sitting here counting on it, that's for sure.

 

Okay, so it's sounds like you're erring on 75-85% not wanting to get back with him, but that there is a small part of you that would consider it if he had the right approach?

 

Am i not right?

 

I think you need to be honest with yourself and work out whether you would get back with him and under what conditions.

 

Obviously a 6 word email is not enough and it sounds like a very small part of you is waiting to see what he comes up with.

 

I was going to suggest that if you decided 100% that there is nothing he could do to convince you to meet or reconcile, that you send an email asking him not to contact you, but then i thought "heck, who really cares?! It's your life and once you have made up your mind, you don't owe him an explanation at all"

[brwneyedgrl333]

Hi mgirl....No....I will not take him back...period.

 

I'm not saying that down the road I will not talk with him again if the situation is right for me BUT..I will not go back. The damage , in my mind, is not repairable.

If there's no trust, we have nothing....that's as basic as it gets.

[marshmlofluff]

So.....that's where I'm at right now....73 days NC for me and counting.

I'm human though and DO wonder if he will try again or not. My guess is "not" and that would be in my best interest for sure. What does everyone else think?

 

I don't know; it's very weird. My ex, as you know, did something very similar; eight weeks post dump he rang up once on my land line (he knows I have Caller ID but no voice mail) and that was five days ago. I wasn't home but came back and saw he'd called and started shaking; I was as gobsmacked as you!

 

I am presently traveling and not home, so it is possible that he's called again, I don't know--but somehow I doubt it. The weird thing is, he hasn't tried to contact me in any other way. If he actually wanted to talk, he could call my cell and leave a voice mail; he could e-mail me, whatever. If you have something substantive to say, a single missed call is such a flimsy way to try and reach someone--honestly, I almost didn't see it. In his shoes I'd be asking myself "what if she got rid of her Caller ID and doesn't even know I called?"

 

My mom told me sometimes when she wants to talk to someone she calls, and if they don't pick up the urge passes. Maybe it's that.

 

This much for sure though--when you get a cold shoulder you probably recognize the message: that the dumpee is upset with you, and that you will have to make more effort if you want to talk.

 

I remember though, when I have been aching to reconcile with someone (I was the dumpee, but only after a big fight where I had behaved badly) the heroic lengths I went to to talk to him again and seek his forgiveness (it worked; that was many years ago and the relationship never worked out again but the man remains my best friend). And I do believe this though--if you really genuinely want to reconcile with someone, and it isn't a moment of loneliness talking, you don't stop at one six-word e-mail or leaving them one missed call. I also believe this; if it is genuinely meant to be, then one small action like not replying will make no difference. If you look at other threads here, the few dumpers who regretted it and genuinely been prepared to reconcile are as distraught as the dumpees, and they have left no trace of doubt about their intentions in their dumpees' minds.

 

So I don't know whether your ex or mine will contact us again. If I were a bookkeeper I'd put the odds at 55% saying that we will hear from them again but the time scale may be long. But it also sounds like

 

(a) neither of us is super-eager to take them back, and

(b) neither of them is serious enough about reconciling to really risk rejection and put their heart on the line.

 

And putting (a) and (b) together--what does that say about how solid the relationship would be, if it resumed? I think that's the answer. That maybe they will try and get in touch again, but for the moment, it doesn't matter.