Jump to content

Believers dating non-believers...


bravebird

Recommended Posts

How can we answer that for you? There's no 'best answer' here. Simply put, if you cannot handle dating someone who does not believ what you believe, then you need to end it. This will no doubt turn into a relgiois debate though, and will then be closed under forum rules...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If he respects your views, doesn't try to argue you out of them and doesn't engage in any practices which violate your value system - don't worry about it. If you can agree to differ - don't worry about it. No way is your relationship destined to a bleak future.

 

Remember, not all people who profess to be Christians necessarily offer you trust, respect and all the other things which are profoundly important to a fulfilling relationship. If your boyfriend does all these, then appreciate him for who he is.

 

If, on the other hand, he doesn't respect your spirituality - which is the most fundamental part of you - then ultimately this will show itself in other areas too, and you need to heed the warning signs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The most important question is how does it make you feel? Do you feel like you can continue a healthy relationship with him? Do you feel like it wont effect how you raise your kids? It's all in how you feel about it. I know a handful of couples who are in successful relationships where one believes and the other doesn't, but I know far more who couldn't handle it.

 

I was in a relationship like that, but I was the non believer. My GF at the time couldn't handle that. She needed to be able to come to me for spiritual support..to help with her faith..to pray with her..to respect her beliefs..and so on..and I couldn't..wouldn't. It tore us further apart.

 

So, some can handle it and make it work, others can't. You have to truly ask yourself if you're up for it and explore the pros and cons of the situation. Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm an atheist, but I respect the beliefs of others. At the same time, I would not want a child of mine indoctrinated into any religion- I would prefer they make their own choices as they grow older. You need to hash things out with your SO before you dismiss this relationship. Take care...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm an atheist, but I respect the beliefs of others. At the same time, I would not want a child of mine indoctrinated into any religion- I would prefer they make their own choices as they grow older. You need to hash things out with your SO before you dismiss this relationship. Take care...

 

This, tbh. As long as he respects your beliefs and you love him and he loves you, keep it going.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It depends. In my opinion there are two types of believers: those to who religion is a "way of life" and those who simply just believe. If your idea of bringing religion into a relatioship is going to church twice a week, praying with your family twice a day, holding religious rituals, reading religious scriptures daily/weekly then maybe you should find someone who will share this form of life with you. It may be a slight problem if your significant other doesn't participate in all this as it's a way of life for you. If however you are a religious person who silently believes then it shouldn't be much of an issue especially if you're willing to comprimise. Worst thing you can do is welcome him into your life in hopes that in time he will convert or start believing because there is a 99% chance that won't happen so as long as the two of you discuss this together you should be able to get an idea if the relationship can work.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a cousin with a good marriage. She goes to church every Sunday, brings one or both of the kids, he doesn't go. Sometimes when they're doing an event or a reading with the kids, he goes and takes videos. She's had religious discussions in front of him with me or a group, and he's unperturbed by it.

 

If you really feel that live and let live is true for you, then loving someone who doesn't share your faith but doesn't discourage you from it or interfere with it in any way is possible.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 Corinthians 7:12-16

"But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you wills ave your wife?"

 

Sorry it's such a long quote, but you needed the context. In the previous verses, Paul was saying that you should not divorce each other. In verses 12-16 however, he says that if an unbelieving spouse wants a divorce, it is ok to divorce in this situation. What i get from this, is that if you are saved after your marriage, and your spouse is not, it is ok to stay with them if they want. I feel like this also implies that you should not marry an unbeliever, if you are already saved.

 

1 Corinthians 6:12

"All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable."

 

If you are a true believer, then nothing short of blaspheming the Spirit will get you sent to hell. That doesn't mean that you should do these things though. It all depends on how devoted you are in your faith. God plays a very important role in my life, and i would not marry an unbeliever. It's not because i look down on them, or think that i'm any better than them. It's because my love for Him comes before anything else, and if i think that something i'm doing would displease Him, then i would try my hardest not to do it.

 

It's really your choice though, that's the beauty of it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Believers dating non believers can be, and typically is hard, therefore recommended agaist. Being together with someone means you are able to share everything with them, become one. That doesn't mean you are carbon copies of each other, or necessarily agree with each other on the same things, but there should be a common ground. You need someone you can go to, someone you are comfortable with that can be your support, and someone in your mind you are not thinking, we don't share the same faith so I can't go to him with this issue, because he probably won't understand. It means you may be holding back a part of yourself from him, albeit important part of yourself as what we believe generally is an important part of our lives as it influences what we do each day to a certain degree.

 

Also, if you plan to have kids some day, it can be difficult raising the child as one person will wish to bring it up one way and the other parent another way. You should be synonomous when raising a child (I have a cousin to attest to this, who basically had 3 "parents" telling him what to do as he grew up, didn't know who to listen to, but of course always went to the one who would let him get his own way all they time, ended up being a spoiled brat who got into a lot of trouble growing up) otherwise it will be difficult for you and the child as it grows up.

 

I started dating a non believer. He went to church in his past as a child, but that's it. Later in life really got into some messed up stuff, bad friends, environment, bascially some regrets. Something to look past now, he has grown and matured, and we even found a church we are both going to that we enjoy a lot. That's a lot to say considering neither of us are church people. Before when he seemed iffy about the Christian faith, it seemed a bit difficult for me even though I tried to look past it, like it was a big pill to swallow. It felt like there was a "no go" zone between us and I didn't feel as comfortable as I should about sharing things with him because of the way I believed. That's kinda like anyone tho, no matter who they are or how nice they can be. It's like being a new person in a work environment, and there are just some things you don't talk about with your coworkers because of that comfort issue. Do you want to be this way with the one person you wish to share everything with? Forunately my bf is starting to be more open and accepting and going to church, claiming to be a Christian himself, even though I am not sure if that is necessarily true as he cannot come up with a time when he actually gave himself to Christ, but I am not going to question his faith. It doesn't help badgering someone. He is making an effort to show that he cares. But not all people are like that unfortunately, and it is entirely your decision what you do, but it may not be easy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really don't think it's a good idea, as you will have different opinions on many things and I've found that once people get married, expectations of their spouse rise.

 

I have a friend who married a fella that did not share her beliefs. It has been very hard for her to accept. Even though they dated for many years prior to marrying, it seems she expected things to change after the marriage. It didn't. Now their relationship isn't horrible, but there is a major piece lacking for her. I would bet that she if she had to do it all over again she would have made a different choice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a cousin with a good marriage. She goes to church every Sunday, brings one or both of the kids, he doesn't go. Sometimes when they're doing an event or a reading with the kids, he goes and takes videos. She's had religious discussions in front of him with me or a group, and he's unperturbed by it.

 

If you really feel that live and let live is true for you, then loving someone who doesn't share your faith but doesn't discourage you from it or interfere with it in any way is possible.

 

This is how it is with my inlaws. My mother in law is Catholic and my father in law does not like organized anything except sports and work. She raised both my husband and his sister Catholic. He does not interfere with her religion and he does come to family events within the Church, ie the sacrements of his children and the sacrements of my son.

 

I am not sure I could be with someone who did not at least believe in God. They do not have to necessarily follow my religion, but they have to believe in the Lord and know something of the Bible and a Christian life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am an atheist and my boyfriend is a believer. He doesn't go to church but he's told me he prays daily, what he believes in, and we've had conversations about it. We both accept what the other believes, and can even discuss it, it has never come between us.

 

Over the last year we've had several occasions where our differing beliefs have come up. A very close uncle of his passed away from cancer. He believes in afterlife and I don't, yet I would listen to the signs and the feelings he felt about his uncle still being near him and watching over him. I completely understand how that helps him through his rough time, so I just listened, and was happy for him.

 

We went to a Catholic wedding and when it was time for prayer and kneeling and even Communion, I followed along with everyone. Being someone's wedding, I didn't want to take any attention from them and their special event.

 

It really is up to you and what you want in your life. You may not even have that answer until you give it a try.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

religion clashing with dating is always a tricky one in my experience, too. I am Buddhist, and my last boyfriend was atheist, and when we first got together he thought my spiritual journey was a great joke, and laughed at me for it both when we were alone and in front of our friends (he had a nasty streak). though i asked him to back off several times it wasn't till i threatened to end it with him that he finally did, but once he started treating my beliefs with some respect (as i treated his) we never had a religious argument again. My current boyfriend is Christian and though our beliefs are different we treat each others spirituality with respect and we've never, ever had a disagreement about it. bottom line is - as long as you both treat each others beliefs with all due respect, there shouldn't be a problem. all due respect does mean you shouldn't try and convince him that he should share your beliefs, and vice versa.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...