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Insecure and worried...


spartan211

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Hello everyone. This is my first post, so please bear with me.

 

I thought I'd maybe use this forum as a place to vent because most of my close friends are off doing their own thing with their significant others, and I don;t really have anyone that close right now I can talk to.

 

So, what is basically going on is the same old story of jealousy and insecurity; I am jealous when I see guys trying to flirt it up with my gf, and this all stems from my own insecurities. Now, although girls flirt with me all the time, I know I only have eyes for her; if my gf feels the same, I am not sure of. She says she does, but we have been together on and off for 4 years, and I have the gut feeling that she is 1 foot in and 1 foot out as far as the commitment thing goes. She has not cheated on me by any means.

 

For a bit of background, we were pretty much exclusive, without bf/gf titles up until last september. There were periods of months in between prior to last september, where she decided she didnt want to be with me any more, or couldnt make up her mind how she felt about me. She wanted to go out and be her own person and date other people, but in a matter of weeks, she would come back to me. Things finally changed when I told her I couldnt take that anymore and didnt want to talk to her anymore period. She has told me throughout our relationship that she sees us together for the long term. I felt that way until my insecurities started to bubble up.

 

Besides my sporadic lack of self confidence, which I dont know I get that way in the first place, the whole impetus for this thing started when she confessed to me that while we were apart, she had kissed and went out with other guys; albeit, she didnt have to tell me, but during that time when she did those things, she was telling me that she had no interest in anyone, and still had feelings for me (needless to say, I felt strung along).

 

So months pass, we are exclusive now, but we are now working at the same place. Red flags start to come up when I see some of my colleagues flirting with her, and she is reciprocating. Then, one day, she basically just leaves me high and dry for lunch (we usually go have lunch together everyday), and when I text her to see where she is at, she's like, 'Oh, sorry I'm at this pizza place'. I then find out she went with those same guys. Now, I'm not upset that she went with them really, but more put off because if it were me, and if I wanted to have lunch with some other friends, I would at least have the decency to let her know. So, at this point I feel I am being petty, so I just let it go. I then find out later from another friend (a girl) that those guys are throwing a big party and that my gf is taking her to the party... my gf didn't even mention this to me. It's fine if she wants to go and do her own thing and hang out... whatever, but it didnt even get mentioned to me. Ok, so I let that one slide ( at this point, I dont wanna be seen as some sort of psycho guy really, by bringing up small ludicrous things). It comes time for her to go out to the party, she doesn't even call me to let me know she is leaving for the thing, AND doesn't even call to let me know that she got home safe. Now I know I am not her dad or anything, but when I go out with the guys, I at least have the decency to do those small things. this party was last night. I didn't hear from her all day until about 30 minutes ago, when she texted me and told me she missed her morning shift at work.

 

Now I just want to know, am I being crazy jealous? and if so, does anyone have any advice? I haven't been able to concentrate for the past 2 days, and I have an important board exam coming up. I feel so stressed about this situation, but I think I would feel a bit more at ease if someone just gave me a little outside input. I dont want to be going on a witch hunt here, and come off as an insecure weenie in the process. Sorry this post was so long, but I do appreciate any help.

 

Mike

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Well, I don't really know what your guys' routine is. For my girlfriend and I, I don't really know what she's always doing. I only find out when I plan to go out with her and she has something planned already. When she goes out to a party though, I consider her able to take care of herself and she also has friends to have her back so I never really thought about receiving calls that she has come home safe.

 

Honestly though, I don't see much of a problem in that she didn't tell you that she was going somewhere. I can only advise that you somehow stop considering it a big deal.

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