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Ever feel you have to have friends to make friends?


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Sometimes it seems like I spend my life making great friends and having fun times, only to be upended and lose it all and have to start from scratch somewhere else.


I'm not the most extraverted person in the world, but I certainly don't avoid social contact - on the contrary, I feel like I need a lot of it to get by. At the moment I just feel like I'm slipping into a rut and, despite my best efforts, can't get out of it.


After spending three years doing an undergrad uni course and having plenty of friends, I moved cities about a year ago to start a postgrad course at a different uni, all in the interests of my future career as a journalist. When I came here last January I knew literally no-one, so moved into a shared house with a bunch of random people. I made a few good friends on my course, but now it's over and a lot of them have moved on to get jobs in other areas or have moved back home, setting me back to square one.


In my tireless push, I joined the university's DJ & Clubbing Society, which appears to be full of people with similar interests (I'm an amateur DJ & music producer, and I love clubbing). However, I noticed straight away when I joined that most people were 1st-year freshers and had come along with friends, either housemates or just anyone they had recently met that might be into the same stuff. For me, I joined on my own and had to just pick people out and strike up conversations with them - which I don't find too hard to do, but it just never seems to lead anywhere. I almost feel people are put off by the fact I always turn up to these socials on my own, and they assume I'm a bit of a loner. It's gotta be much easier when you've got someone else there, so if there's a spell where no-one is really speaking to you you can just fall back on your friend(s). You also just look so much more socially inviting when you've got one or two folk with you all the time.


It just seems like however well I seem to get on with people, they're not really inclined to let one outside individual join their friendship group when they're already close knit. It's different when groups are meeting groups.


Can anyone help me here? I've met some nice people but I just can't seem to push myself into their plans on a weekly basis. No-one could deny I'm making the effort - what could I be doing wrong?


Am I just expecting too much too soon?

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How long have you given it? I think you may be onto something, in that when someone arrives alone they could be perceived as different and maybe people don't get it.


I commend you for pushing yourself to get out there. I think if you just keep on keeping on you will find some decent people. In the meantime, you come accross as quite "normal" to me and perhaps just haven't found your niche yet.

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