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Starting to Really Stress Out...


guiltyflood

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BG, from Thursday:

 

 

 

Yes, this was just 3 days ago. But since then, I've come back to riding the emotional rollercoaster. I was doing so well then, too. And reading the responses to my thread helped give me a ton of confidence for moving forward/recon. Yet, I continue to play mind games with myself, for the worst.

 

I heard she went out to a massive party on Friday and got absolutely wasted. She rarely played drinking games while we were together but went out to a mutual friend's party and got absolutely wasted until like 4am. With my psychological games, I begin going over worst-case scenarios in terms of how or what she might have done, and that screws with me.

 

I'll be the first to admit, though, that I am a hypocrite since I go out on a routine basis and drink with friends as a way to try to get over her. But I'm too afraid to touch anything beyond dancing since I consciously know that I'm not ready for anything like that, and I don't want to do anything that would absolutely crush her (that fine line between moving on and not hurting her).

 

The plan is still the recommended NIC to see if she wants to reach out to me. I'm sticking to that gun. But since meeting her on Thursday, I've gotten back on the emotional rollercoaster, and it's definitely not a pleasant ride. Deep down, I figure she's probably going through the same thing that I'm going through. We dated for 3 years, and it took her one month to break NC and set up a meeting with me, so I definitely don't think she's over me. But like I said in the other thread, I think she just doesn't think there's a chance to reconcile and get back together.

 

I've really missed her these past couple of days.

 

Just venting...

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But like I said in the other thread, I think she just doesn't think there's a chance to reconcile and get back together.

 

Believe me, she at least knows you don't hate her which should be all she needs to know at this point. Just based off of your other thread and responses I'd say you're playing your cards just right.

 

I thought the same thing when my ex randomly told me he was sorry he shut me out when we should have fought thru. I felt that I had to give him an out. Let him know that the door wasn't closed on us but that if working on us wasn't his intention then we should let it be. He responded by telling me about his career plans, wanting my support, wanting to see me "as friends"... Sorry I'm not trying to make this all about me but just trying to show how sometimes making it clear that you are there and that the door isn't closed might not be the right thing. As the other posters said, give her crumbs, make her work. I think I worded my message right but my ex totally took that as an invite back into my life as a friend, which is the opposite of what I said!

 

I'm a firm believer that actions speak louder (and clearer!) than words. Your actions sounded spot on. Keep it up. Whenever you feel weak, write to us good people. We're all here for each other!

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I'm just curious as to how I can feed her bread crumbs if I'm in NIC? I want to show her, through my actions, that I've changed. But I don't want to initiate contact or do anything that might push her away. It's a fine line...

 

In a sense, time is running out for me. It's hard to exactly explain in this thread, but as of now I'm going to go insane if she elects to not contact me for a month.

 

Thanks for the reply, though! I appreciate it!

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In your other thread you said that she initiated contact, and asked you how you were. By the sounds of things, it sounds like things went well and you were feeding her those crumbs! I'm by no means an expert on playing this game but I would wait, let her initiate contact again. Maybe after another couple meetings you could initiate one. The point is that you are coy and kept at bay and keep the control. You don't want to seem desperate or give in too quickly or you'll risk losing all you've done to get to this point.

 

So I guess to answer your question, staying NC works for you to heal and work on yourself but LC only on occasion, when she contacts you if you want to keep communication open. If you panic and contact her she might back off. As for her seeing that you've changed, if you truly have, she will notice subtle signs. She is probably analyzing what you've said and done because she seems to want you around so she doesn't want to make a wrong move.

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You're absolutely right. I guess part of my whole mind games thing that I play with myself is that she only initiated contact once and figures to never do it again for a long while and will just leave me hanging. But frankly, if that happens, then the healing will ultimately go faster for me. Just like she knows I don't hate her, I know that she doesn't hate me. Hopefully, she'll eventually come around to inviting me out to lunch, drinks, etc.

 

I just have to remember that she's probably going through the same type of emotions that I am going through. She's not an idiot, as she does know that I do go out with good friends and have a good time. She's obviously going to do the same. But if I get emotionally torn up by it, then she's probably dealing with the same thing when she gets a hold of a story involving me.

 

Just hearing stories of her like Friday night tear me up inside. But I'm not doing anything to hint that I feel affected by such. It's all internal. But I do miss her, and at this moment I hope I can win her back in the long run. But for now, just keep working on myself!

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