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everyone tells me:"give love a chance" how?


Elsewhere

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Does it mean go out with guys you don't feel attracted to or force yourself into a relationship with someone you don't care about hoping love will come?

 

Beacuse this is how I feel. I guess I'm getting signs from above bc random people tell me this and then I get a visit from a friend who tells me that he's ready for a family and that I'd be prefect... things like that...

but when I think about giving him a chance I'd literally have to force myself like to running a hated errand...

 

Don't I deserve to have something great with a guy that makes my knees melt? why must those guys always not care about me?

 

How do you "give love a chance"???

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Here's my take and my experience.

 

When I met my guy 6 years ago, I wasn't attracted to him. There was no sparks, no fireworks, no weak kneed feeling. So I thought "Nope, sorry.."

 

But we did hang out. Our social circles overlapped. I got to know him. He liked me from the minute we met, but I was hesitant because there wasn't the whole "Love at first sight" foolishness that I believed needed to be there.

 

But there was something drawing me to him. His qualities. His personality. His energy.

 

As time went by, he said "What have you got to lose?"

 

So we starting dating. Dating lead to commitment, and 6 years later we're picking out wedding rings and I am head over heels in love, day after day, year after year with this man.

 

Am I glad I gave it a chance? HECK YES.

Would I trade "love at first sight" giddyness and excitment? No.

I have intense giddyness throughout the years, I've experienced butterflies on a totally different level then those lust butterflies that fade.

 

But its not for everyone. Some people need those intense feels right from the start.

 

And really, no you shouldn't have to FORCE yourself to do something. If its pulling teeth thinking of the idea, then of course not! But turning away guys because you're waiitng for the fireworks the minute you meet, you definitely could be missing out on something great as well. If there is something there, you never know. Something is definetly better than nothing. And that something could be that start of something more.

 

Sometimes you need to be realistic. Sometimes you have to take a chance. Maybe its not being so picky, figuring out what is important and not imortant and letting the trivial NEEDS go. Sometimes theres fears in place that stops you from taking a chance. You make excuses for yourself, or excuses for them. Maybe its looking through the excuses and seeing whats really holding you back from taking a chance on love.

The risk is certainly worth the reward if things work out.

 

But ultimately, its how you feel. If there's something you feel needs to be there, thats your choice. No one can tell you to do something that you're not comfortable with.

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I want what you described! I never have sparks from the first sight, nor I crave them.

 

My interest comes with time... but when it comes it's intense and it's awesome! too bad usually the guy doesn't feel the same

 

And those who ask me to give them a chance mean: lets be in a relationship and then you'll see if you like it or not. I'm like: for now I know I don't want a relationship with him and having anything more than friendship irritates me.

 

I just can't get it right.

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I have been wondering the exact same thing. I was even getting ready to ask the same question here on the forum! Thanks for posting this Elsewhere, and thanks for the well thought out and very well-worded reply, _Asti_. Sometimes it's so hard to know what to do or think or feel - it would help so much to be able to see the future.

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Does it mean go out with guys you don't feel attracted to or force yourself into a relationship with someone you don't care about hoping love will come?

 

Beacuse this is how I feel. I guess I'm getting signs from above bc random people tell me this and then I get a visit from a friend who tells me that he's ready for a family and that I'd be prefect... things like that...

but when I think about giving him a chance I'd literally have to force myself like to running a hated errand...

 

Don't I deserve to have something great with a guy that makes my knees melt? why must those guys always not care about me?

 

How do you "give love a chance"???

It's not guys you like not caring about you, it's you caring about guys who don't like you, and not caring about guys who like you. Them liking you is obviously a turn-off. I recommend googling and researching the phenomenon of "passion paradox". Everyone has it to some extent, but yours seems to be particularly prominent.

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