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I feel sorry for those in long marriages


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Seriously, it seems like such a boring life. There is no excitement, no fun. At the end of it all, you don't even know if it's worth it. I feel so sorry for these people who marry at a young age and then in their forties get screwed up by their spouses. What was the point of that 20 year old marriage then? What is the point of being miserable all those years and then all that pain for nothing?

 

It seems exhausting even to think about it. Multitasking, making time for romance( compromise, arguments, kids..phew.

 

How can you live knowing you wasted your youth in a marriage that went nowhere? When you could be doing so many things? When you could be getting drunk and partying? Or at least sitting at home relieved that you aren't responsible for anybody else?

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What if they marry at a young age and don't get screwed up by their spouses, and are happy in their long marriages?

 

When I see older couples with chemistry, walking down the street holding hands and laughing, cuddling at movies, smiling at each other while they have dinner or watch their children grown up, I feel incredibly envious. There's nothing like having someone you've shared the past 20 years with and with whom you'll share the next 20.

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What if they marry at a young age and don't get screwed up by their spouses, and are happy in their long marriages?

 

When I see older couples with chemistry, walking down the street holding hand and laughing, cuddling at movies, smiling at each other while they have dinner or watch their children grown up, I feel incredibly envious. There's nothing like having someone you've shared the past 20 years with and with whom you'll share the next 20.

 

For sure! My grandparents were married 63 years when my grandmother died. My inlaws have been married 50 years and they do not feel unfulfilled.

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why do you think getting drunk and partying is more important than having a partner and a nice home life?

 

... your username and your attitude there is spoken like a true alcoholic, who thinks nothing in life is worth interfering with their true one love, the bottle...

 

that is a wake up call my friend if you don't see that there is more to life and relationships than what you describe above.

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Any long term relationship that ends is hurtful. However, you're assuming that because something ends, it must have been bad all the way through. That's not always the case. Most people get married because they're in love, and they have several years together in love. Some have children. If you spoke to everyone who was ever divorced, the majority will not be saying 'it was bad from the word go'.

 

As with any break up, just because it has ended does not mean that there was never any love there and the entire thing was a sham. It just means something changed, whether that be one person growing bored, meeting someone else or just growing apart.

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Any long term relationship that ends is hurtful. However, you're assuming that because something ends, it must have been bad all the way through. That's not always the case. Most people get married because they're in love, and they have several years together in love. Some have children. If you spoke to everyone who was ever divorced, the majority will not be saying 'it was bad from the word go'.

 

As with any break up, just because it has ended does not mean that there was never any love there and the entire thing was a sham. It just means something changed, whether that be one person growing bored, meeting someone else or just growing apart.

 

How true.

 

I have been with my husband 21 years this year and some things have been bad and some have been good. I would not call it an entirely unrewarding experience and nor are we boring. Life has its challenges and no marriage is going to be picture perfect 24/7. Even if something ends it can still been worth the time and the effort that you put into it.

 

I know partying and being drunk wont help me buy a house, it wont help me through life's difficulties, it wont help me buy food and clothes and necessities of life. It wont buy me support etc etc etc. Working together with another human being towards goals in life however will. Plus you both have someone to lean on when you are tired or down.

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Another reason is because not everyone enjoys 'partying' and drinking. I am 25, and I have never had fun 'partying'. I have tried it numerous times, but I have never understood it and eventually gave up on it! There are other activities I do enjoy, and some I can still do alone even if I am in a committed relationship. Others, I enjoy doing with my partner now. All the better!

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When I see older couples with chemistry, walking down the street holding hands and laughing, cuddling at movies, smiling at each other while they have dinner or watch their children grown up, I feel incredibly envious. 0.

 

Me too Sophie. And I am fortunate enough to know of two couples like this. One of the couples both are in late 40s, married at 20...so they've been together 20 years. You can see in both of their eyes that they are both so much still in love, they are so considerate of each other and tell everyone they are each others best friend.

 

The other couple is older...mid 60s. Married over 30 years. Same thing. They look at each other adoringly - you just can't fake that. I don't care who might say these couples are trying to fool people...I am intuitive enough to know these looks into each others eyes with such adoration and love is not fake. You can fake it by holding hands or saying I love you to each other in front of others but you just can't fake the look that people catch coming from both couples.

 

It's really joyous to know people like this because yeah, so many marriages DON'T last but not all of them have two people in them who feel screwed in their 40s (or beyond) for having gotten married.\

 

And yeah, what is so rewarding about binge drinking? Sounds dreadful. Perhaps you are at an age where partying is a big thing for you...it isn't for everyone. Some people can drink without binge drinking or using a beer bong. And just so you know, I know of the couples above by meeting them in our local bar. They go out several times a week tossing a few down. They are NOT the type to sit around each night watching their toenails get yellow.

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What is so rewarding about being drunk?

 

I was wondering the same thing!

 

I guess the OP will be laughing at all of us marrieds when he's 70 years old and slumped in a doorway on Main st., clutching a paper bag and lying in a pool of urine. We missed out on all those "good times", LOL!

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Seriously, it seems like such a boring life. There is no excitement, no fun. At the end of it all, you don't even know if it's worth it. I feel so sorry for these people who marry at a young age and then in their forties get screwed up by their spouses. What was the point of that 20 year old marriage then? What is the point of being miserable all those years and then all that pain for nothing?

 

It seems exhausting even to think about it. Multitasking, making time for romance( compromise, arguments, kids..phew.

 

How can you live knowing you wasted your youth in a marriage that went nowhere? When you could be doing so many things? When you could be getting drunk and partying? Or at least sitting at home relieved that you aren't responsible for anybody else?

 

Boring? What's so boring about being in love with someone who loves you back and would jump over the moon for you? Who is not only your spouse, but your best friend and confidant?

 

My parents have been married for 20 years. They still love each other. We never always had an easy life... We always got into financial ruts (we're in one right now), but they never freak out; They will always be next to each other, fighting life with each other.

 

I hope I can have what they have someday. I'm sorry, but partying 24/7 will eventually make people sick and probably end up dead if you're not careful. Anyone who is still partying over the age of 21 is nothing but an embarrassment.

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Seriously, it seems like such a boring life. There is no excitement, no fun. At the end of it all, you don't even know if it's worth it. I feel so sorry for these people who marry at a young age and then in their forties get screwed up by their spouses. What was the point of that 20 year old marriage then? What is the point of being miserable all those years and then all that pain for nothing?

 

It seems exhausting even to think about it. Multitasking, making time for romance( compromise, arguments, kids..phew.

 

How can you live knowing you wasted your youth in a marriage that went nowhere? When you could be doing so many things? When you could be getting drunk and partying? Or at least sitting at home relieved that you aren't responsible for anybody else?

 

Don't feel sorry for me. And I guarantee you, it's not been a waste at all. Even if it ended tomorrow, I would not call it a waste. I've enjoyed the journey, and I hope it continues, but if it were to end, it doesn't change the fact that it's been a fun ride....For those who were married 20 years, that isn't nowhere-even if it ends.

 

My life is better than I ever thought it would be. My marriage is more fulfilling than I thought marriage could be. And a weeks worth or boredom is easily erased by one memorable moment provided by either of our adorable children. And DH and I aren't responsible FOR each other, we are responsible TO each other- and we also have someone else who is focused on our individual needs, dreams and desires....

 

Boring? Right now, I'll admit that's occasionally true- in that we are in a busy routine with kids, work, school and maintaining our home...but we also share in some spectacular adventures, and are excited for what the future holds when our kids get a little older...

 

We spent a number of years 'bingedrinking' in our youth...Personally, THOSE were the years that were wasted, if any of them were....Oh yeah, we had fun, but we were in our early 20's then, and we accomplished very little in that time...There's nothing I find sadder than a 40 year old man who thinks that in order to be interesting, he needs to get smashed every weekend....It gets old fast.

 

Live your life according to your priorities BD, but don't assume we all share the same values. Boring is highly subjective....

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Wow...I can't believe anyone would actually think marriage is bad...

 

I may not have been married 20 years yet but I have to say how much my life has improved with my best friend by my side. We rarely have a boring moment. We stand by each others side, we are best friends and have brought out so many great things in each other. We both have traveled more since being together, have done more things than we did without each other...it's incredible! We're stronger together, we understand each other, we treat each other with mutual respect.

 

I'm not sure where your idea of marriage came from but it doesn't sound like a lot of people are living the way you think they do.

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I'm one of those long married couples who you feel so sorry for, but I can assure you, you really don't have to feel sorry for me at all. I have a very full, active and blessed life and we are never bored. We have traveled to many many countries, seen the world and continue to do so at every opportunity. What's even more surprising, is that we didn't need a bottle of booze to make us happy either. It's been a fun journey and still continuing, in fact, the longer it goes on, the better it gets.

 

It sounds like you're suffering from "sour grapes" syndrome and sick of being single and not being in a relationship. Oh wait, I may be wrong because getting drunk and bingedrinking is just soooooooo GREAT!! What a life! YEAH!!

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I got married at 17, just celebrated my 15th. Dont feel sorry, I enjoy my husband, the time we share and the memories weve made.

 

Yes sometimes we argue, get tired of eachother, become bored, but like anything else you have to work at it to make it what you want.

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My parents have been married for over forty years.

 

Knowing what I do, I have absolutely no desire to copy their lives.

 

I have to echo this for myself. Mine are getting divorced at 38 and my god, what a trainwreck. They should have gotten divorced 20 years easily.

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My parents have been married for over forty years.

 

Knowing what I do, I have absolutely no desire to copy their lives.

 

So don't. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't necessarily get married, it just means you shouldn't get married to the wrong person.

 

If you're not into marriage, that's cool, but don't assume that because your parents marriage is miserable, that ALL marriages are miserable. There are a lot of miserable single people too..doesn't mean being single makes you miserable...

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I am yet to see a positive comment by a guy about long marriages.

 

So I would change my comment to "I feel sorry for men in long marriages"

 

That's because a lot of happily married men aren't bothered participating in self-help forums...they generally don't want/need strangers solving their problems-that's what their wives are for....

 

DH would setup an account and post a comment...but he just can't be bothered.....

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That's because a lot of happily married men aren't bothered participating in self-help forums...they generally don't want/need strangers solving their problems-that's what their wives are for....

 

DH would setup an account and post a comment...but he just can't be bothered.....

 

that too....my husband has no need for the forum.

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