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**went to a party with the X... Please see**

Lastchallenge

By Lastchallenge
in Getting Back Together

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Lastchallenge Apprentice

Lastchallenge

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Hi everyone... I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their Sunday..I know I won't, I'll be working

 

But here's an update. The last time I saw her was a week after v day where she came up with her "we'll hang out once a month as friends but don't get hope because I'm over this" she says she's over 4 years.

 

So Friday I get invited to a big co event for a automotive manufacture and I need a date so I text her... Broke nc by texting her.. She replied 35 mins later saying no it's not a good idea.. I said ok cool can I ask why? She says because it's not right. Ok I say well it would be nice as friends.. She replied "I can't go, don't want to and u can't make me" I said "I've never forced u to do anything, I've never tried to either.. But fine take care" she calls an hour later saying do I really want her to go? I say yes I would but I understand if u don't.. She says ok what should I wear? I'm at the mall.. I was working so I said something nice like what your would wear to work and she said ok.. Called back an hour later and says " I can't go this is a bad idea" i was getting a haircut so I said "look it's up to you... If u want to u know where and the time , if u don't ok fine I don't care anymore... She says "you don't care about what?" I said "us" I got it your not coming back, the the girl cutting my hair giggles in back and I said "alright take care and have a good night and I hung up" the party is the next day

 

so I don't get a text or a call. I even decided to cancel after I bought a new suit and all but at 713 I get a call and uts unblocked (she usally calls blocked) and she says I just left my house.. Where do we meet? I said I'm on my way and meet me at the pag building...

 

So we meet there and she is wearing the coat I gave her.. I said u look wonderful and she said ur just saying that because the coat is the one u gave me. I said no! It's your smile. Then we started walking and she got upset because we parked a bit far.. I tried to make a positive of anything I could

but she just seems to bring something negative Back every chance she gets... I tell her hey people change... Give it a chance

she insists in no hope! I just keep cool and talk about anything I can... She gets quit and I don't know what she's thinking. So then we decide to leave and I said hey can we talk for a bit.. She says ok so I say let's talk in the truck.. I'm driving a 2008 ford f150 lifted truck and it's high and no step bars, she syas no I don't trust you so I say why? She says you'll drive off... I say ok you hold the keys.. She says deal!

We talk and some relationship talk comes up and at the end I say hey... I got u something.. I bought her a tiny little keychain witha pic of a little girl and her nieces name.. Her favorite one. Then she starts crying... I hugged her and kissed her head and she said do u remember when I would cry and you weren't there?! I said apologized for the times I was working and should have been there to hug her and be there... She said I don't want to go where I've been already... I said ok I told her i'm moving on and she said ok

 

then I opened the door for her and walked her to her car and hugged her and kissed her hand and I could see the water in her eyes ... And she drove off...

 

Now I'm left with these questions and ask ena for help and opinions.. Please help and comment on this situation. I am married to her and love her and would love to save our relationship but I feel like I'm the one suffering and losing here.

Why would she go to the party? She also said that she's doing everything I used to do when we went to a party? What's that about?

Why would she stay to talk?

Why would she cry?

Why would she say mean things?

Why would she say I'll see u in 15 day? ( the once a month thing)

she says she's seeing people but it was Friday and she didn't get any calls or texts....

 

What should I do this coming month? How should I act or react?

 

I didn't beg I always ask her o consider because she starts asking me about

my car, my work and I'm just confused...?

She said in march April she's bringing two nephews with her... I miss the nephews! All of them

why is she doing this? My neglect was becuase of work... I think I paid the price to that by the pain I've suffered these two months

 

she says she's over it and I can only have friendship but is there anything positive here at this Point?

M

I'm going nc for the next two weeks...it's been lc for a while

Any ideas?

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bambooshski25 Newbie

bambooshski25

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This is only a guess, but it sounds like she has feelings for you but the pain from your relationship is still very much on her mind. If you want her back the best you can do is be there when she wants you to, but not to push her in any way.

 

I totally agree with the above poster. That is exactly what I am thinking to. Just take it slow and see where things progress at. She still loves you that is obvious but like the above poster had said the pain is some what very fresh in her mind and she thinks back about the relationship and remembers the times that she felt like you let her down and she doesn't want that. She just wants you to be there when she needs you and for you to love her and not her. Good Luck.

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Chris Knows Contributor

Chris Knows

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It's positive. She still cares and has emotions for you. Which is always good.

 

However, there is nothing you can say or do right now to change anything. When a woman has in her mind that men did something wrong ... it's stuck there for a very long time.

 

All you can really do is stay positive and continue healing.

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bambooshski25 Newbie

bambooshski25

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Just give it some time. I agree I am a women myself and when my man hurts me yes it's still in my mind and makes me wonder about him. But she still loves you because if she didn't she wouldn't want to have absolutly no contact with you. So she still loves you and she still cares. Just give it some time. Good Luck.

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Lastchallenge Apprentice

Lastchallenge

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Just give it some time. I agree I am a women myself and when my man hurts me yes it's still in my mind and makes me wonder about him. But she still loves you because if she didn't she wouldn't want to have absolutly no contact with you. So she still loves you and she still cares. Just give it some time. Good Luck.

 

 

Ok so I'll go nc..do u think I should see her on the 11 th to do our taxes like she says? Or shoukd I just cancel politely as a woman

thanks

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captain_james Rookie

captain_james

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You were a bit "pushy" on your meeting. You can't apply logic and analytical thinking to a woman's feelings. She knows she's upset and hurt, but she may not know WHY. And even if she does, addressing that won't change her feelings. The "correct" move is to address the feelings, and then (and only then) can the root cause be addressed. You have to be light hearted and fun (most likely like you used to be). You can't let her get you down or change who you are. A woman needs a rock, someone that's emotionally strong and has direction.

 

I'm not suggesting NC is the best option... it sounds as though some sense of limited contact might be. The problem is she needs her time and space right now (to address those feelings of hurt). You CAN'T pursue WHY she's mad or upset because that won't help anything. This pursuing the "whys" of being upset are the reason my last relationship broke up. I was "too good" of a boyfriend for wanting to fix the problem, and in the process created my own. It makes them feel disconnected with you because you don't understand.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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Ok so I'll go nc..do u think I should see her on the 11 th to do our taxes like she says? Or shoukd I just cancel politely as a woman

thanks

 

Don't pull the drama of backing out of something you've agreed to already. Taxes are taxes; they need to get done at some point. I'd just be kind but keep it business.

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captain_james Rookie

captain_james

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Don't pull the drama of backing out of something you've agreed to already. Taxes are taxes; they need to get done at some point. I'd just be kind but keep it business.

 

This is a good point. You need to remain calm and cool. If you have business that you need to address, it needs to be addressed.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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So I should go? She also said she wants to go to the Mopar show next month in April and she's bringing the nieces.. That's why I'm confused what's the point of getting me her and the kids involved ?! Anyone

 

I don't think you've read some of the replies above. Yes, go do your taxes.

 

I'd go for this show with family as well.

 

Separation isn't divorce. Some marriages DO survive separation. It needs to be used as a constructive time for a couple to get some distance to recover from the exhaustion of the power-struggle that has become the marriage.

 

So go enjoy the occasional date with your wife again. Use the time to recreate your early dating attraction where you were respectful and careful and didn't push.

 

There was a time when you were patient with this woman. Go there again, and avoid going back to the place where things fell apart. Hold off on 'reconstruction' for now, and just 'Be' when with her again.

 

In your corner.

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captain_james Rookie

captain_james

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I don't think you've read some of the replies above. Yes, go do your taxes.

 

I'd go for this show with family as well.

 

Separation isn't divorce. Some marriages DO survive separation. It needs to be used as a constructive time for a couple to get some distance to recover from the exhaustion of the power-struggle that has become the marriage.

 

So go enjoy the occasional date with your wife again. Use the time to recreate your early dating attraction where you were respectful and careful and didn't push.

 

There was a time when you were patient with this woman. Go there again, and avoid going back to the place where things fell apart. Hold off on 'reconstruction' for now, and just 'Be' when with her again.

 

In your corner.

 

Agreed. You need to be that person she fell in love with. The one that didn't get bogged down over all these feelings. The guy that made her feel great. That didn't happen by dissecting what she was feeling.

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Lastchallenge Apprentice

Lastchallenge

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Looking back we rushed things she and I knew it and sometimes when I look

back I still wonder how we ended up together we had out moments but there was more problems (financial) than good but she did love me I know thy

thanks guys I really want this to

work that's why I'm analizing everything

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squirl Contributor

squirl

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I tell her hey people change...

 

Yes, they do.

 

It is nice to see you have been making the most of your contacts with her.

 

You've been incredibly patient and mature. Keep respecting her at her word, and let her change her mind as many times as she wants. Unless she starts to talk about other specific guys she is dating, then that would change things.

 

She said I don't want to go where I've been already...

 

She doesn't have to. The future is always new.

 

Absolutely go to the MOPAR show and be 100% reliable on the taxes. In your time alone, think about all the things she was unhappy with and how you would do things differently. But don't talk about the past with her - it will just trigger bad memories. Don't aim for merely being the guy she fell in love with. Be someone even wiser and better.

 

You sound like a very sweet guy. Hope it works out.

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iBroken Collaborator

iBroken

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Ok so I'll go nc..do u think I should see her on the 11 th to do our taxes like she says? Or shoukd I just cancel politely as a woman

thanks

 

Go get them done and whatever you do, do not talk about the relationship with her.....be polite, friendly and maybe even charming, but do not ask if she has made up her mind and dont look back to the relationship with her.

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Lastchallenge Apprentice

Lastchallenge

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Go get them done and whatever you do, do not talk about the relationship with her.....be polite, friendly and maybe even charming, but do not ask if she has made up her mind and dont look back to the relationship with her.

 

I try to talk about anything but she's so akward and she doesn't make eye contact ... She keeps saying she doesn't trust me and I'm trying to take her somewhere nice and she refuses to go anywhere with me ... I'm just so confused that I really want to just forget about her

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HopefulDrew Rookie

HopefulDrew

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I try to talk about anything but she's so akward and she doesn't make eye contact ... She keeps saying she doesn't trust me and I'm trying to take her somewhere nice and she refuses to go anywhere with me ... I'm just so confused that I really want to just forget about her

 

Don't push!!!!

This woman cares about you but is trying to figure out what she wants. You care about her. Don't try to force anything.

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