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Sex and some new Fears


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Hello All,


Long time lurker first time typer. So my gf and i have been together for a little over a year, we are fairly committed in the sense we talk about the future, and have relied on condoms up to this point. She is in university and I am in law school. Frankly, I have never liked to go simply just condoms as in the past my gfs have also been on the pill. I stress though, the pill is not an excuse for me not to use condoms.


Recently 2 "scares" if you could call them that occurred. I quote as it was mostly on my part, her appearing not too worried. One with her period being 4 days late (and she is hyper regular) and then once while havign sex we notice something on her vagina, and thought the condom something had leaked. Both times nothign came of it, the second time it was properly something from her.


I try my best to be as safe as can be with sex. I generally don't ejaculate inside with the condom on, I make sure its on properly lubed up and ready to go. I was willing to go along, but the last two times caused me a bit of stress. I attend law school, have a lucratvie internship coming up and someinternational opprotunities in a european internship as well. If an accident happens it happpens, but I like to minimize my chances. Stress of course will come any time you have sex, but I stress on two points:


1) The Pill - When I first breached the subject, she mentioned her discomfort due to possible sideeffects. I respected this, but it later came out that her worry seems to be more her parents finding the pill and sideeffects taking a distanct second. We were talkign one day, and she basically slipped a "oh if I had my own place I wouldn't mind".....


2) Morign after pill - Fair enough no pill. When we ran into our first doozy, I saw no rips in the condom, but I suggested that perhaps to be safe she should take plan B. She turned this idea down suggestign that it "screws you up" and she'd rather wait and see as it was "maybe nothing". I can understand this fear it is her body and it does have side effects, but I assume pregagancy woudl be far worse? This leads me to wonder if we do run into a more serious doozy, would she still take the "wait and see" (NOTE: as a correction I do not mean she sould use it everytime I get worried see my post below)



She doens't seem to willing to come to any sort of perhaps compromise regarding any other types of contraception. Her attitude at times is a bit too relaxed with a "it will be fine". I get sex should be fun, and condoms have a degree of reliability, but I feel quite uncomfortable putting all our reliance on condoms. When in the back of my head I am thinking "this piece of latex is all that is between me and fatherhood", sure I generally don't ejaculate inside, but still!


Any suggestions? Or am I just a bit crazy


Any suggestions?

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If she is open to the idea of taking contraception but her main worry is if her parents find out, look into other methods. The injection only has to be done once every 3 months, and you have no evidence except for a sore spot on your bum the day after


I think you're obviously at different ends of the spectrum - she's not taking it that seriously and is very chilled about it, you sound almost too concerned. It's good to be safe! But unless that condom breaks, the sperm aren't going to chew their way through it. Relax, breathe a little


I'd present some other options to her in the form of regular contraception. It's not a good idea to keep taking the morning after pill every time you get nervous, which sounds like it'd be fairly often. If she flat out refuses, that's another issue entirely.

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I do not think that you are going to be able to get her to take the birth control pill or to take plan B. Her reluctance to take precautionary measures is going to cause you stress.


I think that your fears are justified as you do not want to have kids. I think that you need to have a serious talk with her and tell her your concerns and that you do not want to have kids any time in the near future.


I also think that you need to tell her that her excuses are unfounded and irrational. It is also clear that she wouldnt mind getting pregnant as can be implied by her own actions. If she does not share your concerns then you should leave the relationship before she does get pregnant.

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Hey guys thanks!


Yes I know, I sound a little bit "at the other end of the spectrum"... I guess that's why I'm becoming a lawyer so people pay me to worry for them I don't mean to suggest I'd want her to take plan B if I get nervous, but if something that gave rise to concern I'd like it to be something we both took into consideration. Her attitude when I brought it up that one time was basically that this was not on the table.


You know I always tell myself "you've used condoms before man, gorw some balls, they aren't going to chew through it"... but so many stories It's tough, because everything else in our relationship is pretty good! Sex isn't everything, but still I wish we could be on the same page If BC is an option, but her only fear is getting caught with it, well it is better to face an akward conversation with the parents than a conversation that "hey mom/dad guess what's coming in 9 months".


I am going to sit down with her and have a frank discussion about this. Should preganancy ever happen I want to know that we both made the best decisions to try and avoid it so we have no regrets. I would feel so much better if we both took some responsibility for contraception, that way we could count on each other's method if one should ever fail.

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