Some advice

[emma j]

hi all,

I'm new to the boards here and i'm hoping that i can get some advice for my situation.

 

My bf is bi-polar who is not currnty on medication or any form off counselling. Ifeel that his behaviour is slowly spirraling out of control and last night he made a pretty good attempt at killing himself, only for the knife he used was ashe described "wouldn't cut butter" things might not be the same this morning.

 

He dropped me off at my house and his following txts where very worrying stating tat nobody will have to put up with me anymore, goodbye. With this i ran out of my house to try find him. he told me that i didn't matter as the knife he used was of no use. A part of me wondered did he actually try. I was walking on my own in the dark through a not exactly safe place. He shouted downthe phone to go home, to leave him alone. but i simply couldn't i needed to know he was safe. he found me ad brought me home and sure enough down his left arm was a long cut. What worried me most was that he said " ya know it didn't hurt at all, it was strangely nice, it elt like a release". Did lead me to think was he just trying to self harm and not indeed kill himself.

 

Later that night after i refused to leave him he told me that he doesnt know what to do and would just better off no being here.

 

I feel like this situation has become to much for me to handle and i need to know where to go from here. Leaving him is not an option, i love him very much and want to help him to get hiimself sorted and happy.

 

thanks

Emma

[Tanzi]

The situation is too much for you to handle ... way too much for you to handle. His attempted "suicide" may have been a cry for help or it may have indeed been self-harm. Either way he needs professional help.

 

Why is he not on any form of medication? Has he been on medication before?

[emma j]

oh a reply. Thanks

 

Erm, he was diagnoed maybe less than a year ago and i think that till now he's felt like he can handle it himself, that he was on a level where he felt fine and didn't need any kind of help. But last nights events and the last maybe 3 weeks things have just gotten out of control. After an outburst about 2 weeks ago he promised he'd see someone. but as of yet hasn't.

 

We're meeting up tonight to talk. I have some phone numbers prepared and a group support info for him to look at. I'm thinking that this way might be better, to meet people in his situation rather than saying you need to see a psych and go on meds. that just might be a bit heavy after what happened. I do however have advice and info if the conversation goes that way. He wants to meet up and clear the air as he feels terrible.

[Tanzi]

Well hopefully after what did happen ... and with you walking in the dark through an unsafe place ... he may realise that he isn't the only one suffering and hurting because of this.

 

I think what you are planning on doing is a really good idea. I think finding a support group will really help him. Maybe he is in denial that he is bipolar and that taking medication is just confirming it. Talking to others in a similar situation may help him shake off any stigma attached to being bipolar and to taking medication. This may well be the push he needs in seeking proper help.

 

He is really lucky to have such a supportive girlfriend. I really hope, for both your sakes, that he goes. Unfortunately its impossible to help others unless they are ready to help themselves.

[Jeen]

Recovery

Bipolar disorder need not be chronic and it can be possible to recover. There is a growing recovery movement among survivors. Developing countries have a far higher non-relapse rate than industrialised countries. Great recovery tools are hope, love, support and work.

 

What can friends and relatives do?

Seeing someone you care for going through the symptoms of manic depression can be very distressing. It's painful enough to be with someone who is in a deep depression, but during a manic phase they may not accept that there is anything unusual about their behavior, and they may become hostile to-wards you. This can leave you feeling frightened and helpless. However, you can be vital in providing support and helping them to get practical assistance.

 

There is some good reading material on this site.

 

link removed

 

Look in your area there should be a organization you can contact to help.

[No One]

In my hmble opinion, no - you can't handle it alone, and, no, he doesn't seem to be able to handle it alone; no shame in any of that! Given how serious the issues and the consequences involved are, serious medical and psychological help may be necessary to both save his life and for him to find meaning in it (I mean, they may help, and, the alternative...). Thank goodess for him that you care so much for him!!

[emma j]

Hi all,

Thought i'd give a brief update. We arranged to meet the other night and speak about how we where feeling. he started. He said that he was very very sorry for what he did and how it made me feel, and how upset it made me. He said that he'd never ever do anything like that again and that he understands if i don't believe him.

 

I then said that i appreciate what he said but that what had happened really scared me. Also that what he said about it not hurting and feeling strangely nice brought up self harming issues. That i was very worried about him. He said that i had nothing to worry about that he wasn't ever gonna do it again. I said that he needed to do something about it. That not nessicarily a doc but maybe a support group, just to get a start and that i had information on one. But he refused. said that he didn't need it and that he feels like what happened was no big deal and he's no to bothered about it.

 

So really i'm not so sure what to do from here. He's acting like nothing has happened. Me on the other hand i know that i'm acting strangely towards him, he has noticed.

 

So i guess i just wait and see how he is and give him some space to think.

[doityourself]

Thats usually what happens after the meltdown as I call them. I also suffer from bi and after a "meltdown" its embarrassing the way that I see myself acting so ignoring it is usually the way I go.

[emma j]

hi, yes he feels embaressed and says he'll never do it again and is sorry for it. but i dunno, what if he has another melt down and i'm not there this time or i can't get to him. it just worries me. The conversation hasn't been brought back up and i very much doubt it will. I guess all i can do is be there for him.

thanks all x

[doityourself]

I would try and have him understand that the disease does not go away, that he will become upset again. To me its a revolving door. Let him know that its okay to be bi, doesnt make him less of a person or a man.

 

You may not be there, you cant fix everything. You also need to understand what its like being with a person with bi, not trying to make excuses for myself or him but sometimes I dont think ahead, my actions happen then I say what the hell did I just say or do.

 

My ups use to be shopping I would come home and realize that I just charge $1000 worth of junk. Now my ups are angry fits, that I try to keep to myself but sometimes bubbles over into my life. My kids suffer the most from this, as I tend to yell and become angry over simple things.

 

The thing that changed how I look at the whole bi thing, was to have my husband show me how I acted because truly I didnt know. Now Im sometimes able to see my actions before I create them.

 

This is just my opinion and I hope I made sense.

[emma j]

Doityourself,

you've been a great help. some of what you say is very recognisable to me. for instance the "I dont think ahead, my actions happen then I say what the hell did I just say or do". When he gets angry, and that could be over literally anything(tonight it was because i was in the library at was he presumed a late hour(7 pm)and presumed i was busy doing something, or someone else) he calls me some very nasty mean and hurtful things.. a few hours later he apoligies.

 

I currenly suffer the most from his behaviour and outbursts, however last week i saw first hand that he does and says these not nice things to other family members. i'v been told its not personal. I'm afraid that eventually my own menta health will suffer.

[doityourself]

Wow, how could you not take it personal. I dont think you should let him call you names and put you down. That will cause a lasting affect on you. It sounds like his family lets him get away with alot of abuse, I hope they dont use being bi as an excuse to be rude and nasty becuase its not.

 

As I said I dont think of my actions before, but I do know exactly what Im doing, there is no out of body experience if that makes sense. Can I ask how long have you guys been together and are you sure this is the type of relationship you want? Is this someone you want children with, can you see yourself putting up with his personality for years or the rest of your life? Im not saying you should leave him or anything just make sure that hes using just as much energy on helping himself as you are.