should i have dumped my ex before she dumped me

[infamous]

i was in a very emotional intense 1 year relationship where my ex was putting a lot of pressure to get engaged sometimes it really got to me stressed me out i told her i wanted to be with her forever but i wasnt ready but things didnt slow down which stressed me and and drained me very much

 

would i have been right to break up her ever though i want to spend the rest of my life with her ?

[ebik]

if u know you want to spend the rest of your life with her then whats the issue?

 

But on the same note.. if your not ready she should respect that too. Though u cant expect her to just wait around for you to be ready

[infamous]

yeh but she was wanting a committment which i couldnt give me her because of financial issues shes very needy and selfish if your not ready its not right to propose just to make someone happy

 

i felt the pressure made me abit grumpy and i wasnt myself towards the end

 

i dont think she realizes she was rushing things so much

 

i think the pressure made me back off although i didnt realise i was doin it

[infamous]

but if u love someone why wouldnt you wait ?

[In the Dark]

but if u love someone why wouldnt you wait ?

 

Exactly infamous.

 

The issue here was not infidelity.

You did not show fear of being with her for life.

What is the difference with being engaged and being together?

a ring on her finger a hole in your wallet and a statement of love.

That's all.

 

Not love a statement of love.

 

She should have waited till you were ready.

Being engaged is not love.

 

EDIT

As for you breaking it off....it would have never happened because you wanted to be with her for life.

It's more like, if you knew she was going to dump you in the future, then you would have dumped her and not wanted to be with her for life.

[Tanzi]

Infamous, please excuse my ignorance ... but I'm not sure what the issue is here. For what reason do you feel it would have been better for you to dump her than her to dump you? What purpose would it have served? Do you feel it would have made a difference to the outcome of your situation now (ie. that she would have stopped pressuring you and just have been happy to be in a relationship with you)? Or do you in some way feel that it was wrong to be in a relationship with someone who wanted a commitmemt that you weren't ready to give?

 

I'm not sure why it would have occurred to you to break it off because you said you wanted to be with her for the rest of your life. At the end of the day there is an incompatibity here (even if it is just a small one such as timing) and that is what ended the relationship. It doesn't matter who did the deed. Do you want her back?

 

Maybe the problem could have been dealt with, with a good old dose of communication. A year isn't necessary a long time to be in a relationship. Perhaps you could have set a date in the future to start thinking again about engagement.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It sounds like your ex wanted the idea of marriage more than she wanted you. How old are both of you? Did you know each other prior to dating? A year is not that long. I suspect she will quickly find someone else and try to get married to that person..because I suspect she just wants to be married and will take anyone. You say she was needy and selfish...are you referring to her general personality or just in this matter. If she is generally a needy, selfish person then this is all for the best because being married to her would have been a nightmare.

[Ms Darcy]

but if u love someone why wouldnt you wait ?

 

If you love someone, why would you wait?

 

People elope on the cheap all the time. And sometimes people do wait ... years and years hearing more and more excuses. There are two sides to every story.

[infamous]

it was timing thats all i had just started a business and was building it up money was a problem at the time

 

would she have stoped pressuring me if i dumped her and got back together ?

 

i want her back so bad the thought of being with another women makes me sick

 

i had always set the date for our 12month annerversery she broke up with me 4 days before it was a surprise

[infamous]

It sounds like your ex wanted the idea of marriage more than she wanted you. How old are both of you? Did you know each other prior to dating? A year is not that long. I suspect she will quickly find someone else and try to get married to that person..because I suspect she just wants to be married and will take anyone. You say she was needy and selfish...are you referring to her general personality or just in this matter. If she is generally a needy, selfish person then this is all for the best because being married to her would have been a nightmare.

 

she is 28 im 26

 

i knew her prior to dating but not very well

 

its been neary 4 months and she is already in a relationship with someone she met 2 days before we broke up

 

she is needy and selfish in general

 

I suspect she will quickly find someone else and try to get married to that person = this is what im so scared about

 

the guy she was with was engaged and it broke up last october he is the same age its killing me because i know its my luck they will get engaged

[Crazyaboutdogs]

she is 28 im 26

 

i knew her prior to dating but not very well

 

its been neary 4 months and she is already in a relationship with someone she met 2 days before we broke up

 

she is needy and selfish in general

 

I suspect she will quickly find someone else and try to get married to that person = this is what im so scared about

 

the guy she was with was engaged and it broke up last october he is the same age its killing me because i know its my luck they will get engaged

 

I know how much it will hurt..but I really do think that you would be much better off if she does get engaged to someone else. A needy, controlling person does not make a very loving partner in the long run. Whoever she marries will have a hellish life. She met the new guy two days before dumping you...she was pressuring you for marriage and you had only been together a year...she wasn't getting what she wanted so while she was with you she was looking around for someone else and when she found him she dumped you. This is not a woman who loves others..this is a woman on a mission, a mission to get married, a mission to have a guy, any guy will do. You may love her, but she doesn't love you...she just loves the idea of being married and not being single.

[Tanzi]

I know you are hurting infamous but in time I think you will come to realise that you had a lucky escape. You said she was needy and selfish in general. You didn't give her what she wanted when she wanted it, so she took flight. That is not love!! So OK maybe she will get engaged and married to this guy but it won't be out of love. As CAD said she is a woman on a mission. Once she has received her goal something else will become her focus and until she gets it she will be just as unhappy and controlling again. She sounds like the sort of person who may live the rest of her life like this. She will never be satisfied and you would not have satisfied her ... that is not a reflection on you, that is a reflection on her. No-one will be able to give her what she wants. Relationships are about give and take. If she can't give as much as she takes the relationship will become unbalanced ... and unhappy.

[infamous]

thanks jelly great advice