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When does a woman stoop to the lowest in order to break up?


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We were happy for three years before she started complaining and started fighting. The next one year was full of complaints, weekly breakups and me trying my best to "make her happy". By the end it was pure no holds barred abuse and then finally cheating and then making her new BF call me up and give me some * * * * . But throughout the last year, we went on dates, i met her parents and i spent on her and we had intimate moments. I realize now that she was kind of two timing in the last 6 months.

 

But relationship apart, why would you treat a person who has been there for you for the past 4 years so freaking badly? Why would you say the worst things to that person? I mean, its not like i was going marry her forcibly. All i was trying to was save the relationship and all she did was abuse the life out of me. And i just couldn't fight back, i was speechless, stunned not knowing what to say, in denial. And the worst was a day before breaking she told me that she loved me and kissed me. What was the hell was that about if she's going to break up?

 

It's been so traumatic for me. And all the begging I did, makes me feel real sick. Thinking of that relationship makes me say Never Again!

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Most of us have been hurt badly at one point or another. There's no real rhyme or reason to it, it's just how things go. When relationships go sour, it can be the most painful hurt in the entire world. I've been there twice, and I've been single now for a year and a half because I never want to feel that badly again. She treated you badly, and you didn't deserve it. Just remember that not all women will do this to you.

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My ex did the same thing with me (the abuse and the kissing and 'I love you' during our breakup). Honestly, some people are just not good people. They are selfish and don't care about other people. Also, the abuse sometimes is a way to push the person away so that you grow to hate her after she didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. (That's what my ex told me after she tortured me emotionally...I think it could possibly be the same. The reason for it was to push me away so I'd move on quicker and stop bothering her to be together)

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Ah yes.....

 

My last ex did this to me.

I didn't do anything wrong.

She just started flipping out because in the end she actually wanted to be a party girl who slept with whoever.

 

With me the relationship was stable and felt like settling down to her which she did not want to feel.

 

She wanted to feel free to do who and whatever she wanted.

 

The only option was to mess me up and throw me away.

This is what she did and got what she wanted.

Despite what some of her friends have said and despite her health failing from the next to know no eating diets, consumption of alcohol which she can't have due to liver dysfunction, but needs it to over come her social anxiety disorder, despite her loving parents calling her dysfunctional.

 

If for whatever they decide to destroy you and destroy themselves....you can not do anything about it.

 

They don't give a damn about how much you hurt in the end despite what they may say through email, or text.

 

Anyone can say whatever.

They don't necessarily mean it and only you will know if they do by their behavior.

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She was unhappy in the relationship. Not having anything concrete to pin her unhappiness on, she became abusive to try to push you away. Yet, she still loved you. Perhaps she wanted to date you and others, have a more casual relationship, but you're looking for a more committed, serious relationship with her. Many of us feel as if we aren't "sure" because we haven't got much history from which to draw on. She may have needed to have another look around before she realized that what she had with you was right and good and feel confident that she would not regret being with you. Did you pressure her to commit to a one on one relationship, to not date others?

 

How long has it been since the break up? When was the last contact between the two of you?

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She was unhappy in the relationship. Not having anything concrete to pin her unhappiness on, she became abusive to try to push you away. Yet, she still loved you. Perhaps she wanted to date you and others, have a more casual relationship, but you're looking for a more committed, serious relationship with her. Many of us feel as if we aren't "sure" because we haven't got much history from which to draw on. She may have needed to have another look around before she realized that what she had with you was right and good and feel confident that she would not regret being with you. Did you pressure her to commit to a one on one relationship, to not date others?

 

How long has it been since the break up? When was the last contact between the two of you?

 

I would agree that she was unhappy (clearly). I would suggest that it was unhappiness combined with a lack of respect for him/a lack of will to leave. I suspect, and OP I might be wrong, that the first time that she started to pull some crap with you and you took it was when you really downgraded in her mind. Then she seemed to 'take control' over the relationship since you perhaps seemed too passive and accepting. When she crossed the line and worried she'd lose you, she became nice. But that didn't end her underlying loathing that you actually took her crap. And thus, you taught her how to treat you.

 

I'm not saying that there was ANY deserving on your part. I'm saying sometimes that such terrible dynamics can cement themselves when it becomes a relationship routine. I can't help but notice how she had her new bf call you and tell you off. To me, it's almost this psychological spit in the face ... this is what a man is ... why can't you be like him?

 

You asked why would you treat someone who has been there for you in the past four years so badly? The equal and opposite question is why would you take it?

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How long has it been since the break up? More than a year.

When was the last contact between the two of you? Almost a year.

 

Ms Darcy, maybe your right about the relationship dynamics part.

... this is what a man is ... why can't you be like him? -- OUCH!

...why would you take it? I wanted to save the relationship, i loved her too much, abuse has always been part of my life...i'm used to it...etc

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How long has it been since the break up? More than a year.

When was the last contact between the two of you? Almost a year.

 

... abuse has always been part of my life...i'm used to it...etc

 

Now this is where the healing can begin. *You really should get into counseling to help you learn how to have healthier relationships. I would go so far as to suggest that non-abusive relationships might not feel as satisfying to you, boring, less fulfilling. It's about you unconsciously equating love with hurt and you need to break up that way of thinking just like you broke up with your ex. Best.

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Now this is where the healing can begin. *You really should get into counseling to help you learn how to have healthier relationships. I would go so far as to suggest that non-abusive relationships might not feel as satisfying to you, boring, less fulfilling. It's about you unconsciously equating love with hurt and you need to break up that way of thinking just like you broke up with your ex. Best.

 

Hi, I don't attract abusive people nor do i look for abusive relationships. My ex became abusive towards the end and i didn't handle it well cz i was more worried about losing her.

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Hi, I don't attract abusive people nor do i look for abusive relationships. My ex became abusive towards the end and i didn't handle it well cz i was more worried about losing her.

 

I know this situation oh so well.

They end up going from the most loving person you have ever met and fall for them to someone who hates everything you do, even if it's something endearing.

 

I remember buying this ornament for my ex, she loved it and a knew she wanted it.

Later on when she started to emotionally abuse me really bad, she said you even buy me things when I don't ask for them.

You do thing I don't ask for and expect something in return.

 

I never expected anything and never got anything for what I would do.

I wanted to show her I think about her.

 

In fact, she actually bought me a teddy bear first then I bought her the ornament.

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