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i cant control myself around my ex


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ok i been broken up with my ex for over 3 weeks now, we decided to stay friends ,it has been a major struggle for me to control my feelings around her even not around her just in contact alone i tend to slip out stupid things.2 major things ive discovered about myself when i was with her is insecurity and jelousy. The last couple of weeks its like i been sabotaging our friendship by being over obsessive and gotten to the stage she does not want to hear from me or be around me drinking, last night she and a friend went out i txted her and didnt get a reply as soon as i wanted so i rang her and told her thanks for the invite then we argued for a bit even tho i know i was invited to come out but i was pissed and bitter they were having a good time with out me. Last week i also put my foot in my mouth when i was on holidays i told her i didnt want to come back theres nothing at home for me ( i was feeling sorry for myself and wanted to get a reaction) and it pissed her off she was really hurt by what i said and didnt talk to me for a few days I even been sleeping with woman that she dont like to punish her even tho she dont know i am but its only punishing myself . I never had this much trouble moving on from someone im so hung up about her she is all i want. Why does she want to still be so close to me but not be with me and gets all pissed when i get a bit loopy, i hope some one can make sense of this post because i havent a clue .....crazy much lol

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I think you need to take a step back and not be friends right now. It is way to early I think to be hanging out with her. I tell you this because I tried being friends and talking to my ex - and honestly, the worst thing you can do when you are first dumped is to be her friend, especially if you want her back. Go no contact at the beginning. That is what I wish I had done when I was in your shoes instead of being his emotional support and his friend. That doesn't mean you can never be friends with her, but until you are stronger and in a better place, I think you should takes some time apart. It is pure torture to be friends and always wish for more - believe me, I know, I tried that for months, and it got me a lot of pain and prevented me from moving on as quickly as I could have.

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yeh we broke up previously so this is the 2nd time then i did the no contact and she ended up contacting me first and we got back together within a few weeks , but this time its so much harder i invested to much of myself into this, she doesnt want to be that involved , in my 30 years on this planet i never been so attached to someone it was so easier when i just dated random girls, believe me no contact with her is sooo hard for me she knows me to well and she knows all my weakness and can play on them ...

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Oh I am sure it is hard, believe me. I was with my ex 4 years and we own a house together, so I know it's tough. But I do think it is your best chance in moving on, and in getting her back too. I didn't do NC early on and I wish I had. I gave in to the contact and was in limboland for months, not really willing to accept it was over, and always hoping for something more. I mean, I am getting there as far as moving on, but I think it would have been better if I had backed off more at first and then tried being friends later on - would have saved some of my self-respect and some pain too! I know that we all have to live and choose our own way of dealing with things, but this is just my advice

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  • 2 weeks later...

this seems like really immature behavior for a 30 year old. if you want to get back with your girl sleeping with other women for revenge is only going to make things worse between the two of you, but really you need to work out your issues within yourself before you try again at a relationship with her. no one likes to be manipulated or controlled.

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Friendship just doesn't work in the long term. When I broke up with my partner I tried to maintain friendship for three months. After a while I realised that I was hanging onto the past. I simple couldn't switch off no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't watch her move on with her life. I needed a clean break, even though my heart didn't want it. You know what? NC ultimately lasted only a few weeks, but those few weeks gave me so much time to think it was unreal. I decided to get my life back, not waste it away crying over the past. I started work on the future, and do you know what? Aside from anything else it gave me the resolve to get my girl back as I turned from being a weak mess of a man, who was grossly unattractive as a result, to someone who had regained some confidence and was going out there to get what he wanted. That made a great deal of difference and now we are dating again.

 

Point is not that if you let go of the friendship she will get back to you, the chances of that are slim. But rather, that sooner or later breaking away will give you that free time to find the person you were before the relationship and refocus on where you want to take your life. It's all about regaining that control.

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this seems like really immature behavior for a 30 year old. if you want to get back with your girl sleeping with other women for revenge is only going to make things worse between the two of you, but really you need to work out your issues within yourself before you try again at a relationship with her. no one likes to be manipulated or controlled.

 

Well to be fair, if she's dumped him then he is a single man and entitled to sleep with whoever he likes.

 

I agree that sleeping with someone for revenge is perhaps morally questionable, but he owes no duty to his ex.

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Well to be fair, if she's dumped him then he is a single man and entitled to sleep with whoever he likes.

 

I agree that sleeping with someone for revenge is perhaps morally questionable, but he owes no duty to his ex.

 

you are right...but i'm saying for him - IF the time comes where he has the opportunity to get back with her, the topic is very likely to come up.

 

IF it were me, and i truly wanted to get back with my ex, i'd be a heck of a lot more careful about who i gave my body to, but that's just me.

 

if it were me and i'm already disgruntled and my ex comes back to me and tells me i slept with x-amount of people but oh i loved you all the way through it, i'd walk right back out the door.

 

would it be right of her to judge him since they were broken up? probably not...but in reality it's likely to cause problems.

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you are right...but i'm saying for him - IF the time comes where he has the opportunity to get back with her, the topic is very likely to come up.

 

IF it were me, and i truly wanted to get back with my ex, i'd be a heck of a lot more careful about who i gave my body to, but that's just me.

 

if it were me and i'm already disgruntled and my ex comes back to me and tells me i slept with x-amount of people but oh i loved you all the way through it, i'd walk right back out the door.

 

would it be right of her to judge him since they were broken up? probably not...but in reality it's likely to cause problems.

 

I hear what you are saying, but I believe the old phrase about making your bed and lying in it applies. Whether she likes it or not, she gave up the right to loyality when she dumped him. If she wants back with him then she has to understand the consequences of her actions.

 

The only bit that concerns me is the revenge concept.

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I like to report at this moment the friendship thing is kind of working out the last week or so we been sort of closer much like we were before we got together like old friends , i recently laid my cards on the table and told her im not over her and i wont be any time soon and ill have to just control myself and she is even keen to have drinks with me again soon on the stipulation i behave myself. I come to the conclusion instead of worrying about getting back together i should concentrate more on us being friends and who knows where it will take us. I would'nt make the effort if she was'nt so important to me, the last few weeks i have figured out she really does care she has gone to alot of trouble to accommodate me and my silly actions, so i happy to report im kind of in a good place with me and her.. thanks for the feed back people

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