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Question for the Ladies of ENA


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Put yourself in a LDR breakup setting. Say you wanted the breakup cause the distance was too hard. You had a loving relationship for a year with your partner. Your partner agreed with the break cause it was too hard for you. What would prompt you to cut that partner out of your life and force you to verbally abuse in the end as if they were worthless??

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If I discovered my partner had been unfaithful, I might (and have) said hurtful things. I'm currently considering whether to cut someone out of my life who had been egregiously unfaithful to me in a LDR.

 

Cutting someone out is one thing, but "abuse" is another, might I add...

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Put yourself in a LDR breakup setting. Say you wanted the breakup cause the distance was too hard. You had a loving relationship for a year with your partner. Your partner agreed with the break cause it was too hard for you. What would prompt you to cut that partner out of your life and force you to verbally abuse in the end as if they were worthless??

 

There are a lot of assumptions in this question. You assume that the distance was the real and/or only reason for the breakup. You assume the relationship was satisfying to her for the year. you assume that the other person is being verbally abusive.

 

... I think you might consider just telling us your experiences directly and ask questions from there.

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Many people get extremely angry if you break up with them, for whatever reason.

 

Perhaps they weren't expecting you to allow the breakup, rather to say, no, let's not break up, one of us will move to be closer together. So it could have been a 'test' to see if you loved them enough to move, and when you didn't they instead go mad.

 

Many people behave in all kinds of crazy ways when they break up, a kind of temporary insanity.

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I didn't cheat and I was the one who was dumped. In the end I was the only person trying to make us float, she seemingly lost interest in what we had and opted for her new life. Her new life was grad school in another city, new friends, new challenges, new experiences but essentially her life's work spread out in front of her, her passion. I just wanted to be apart of her life through the process and be there for her when I could. I know now love was not enough to save us.

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Put yourself in a LDR breakup setting. Say you wanted the breakup cause the distance was too hard. You had a loving relationship for a year with your partner. Your partner agreed with the break cause it was too hard for you. What would prompt you to cut that partner out of your life and force you to verbally abuse in the end as if they were worthless??

 

This did happen to me. Did an LDR for about a year, broke up because of the distance..except he broke up with me. We decided not to talk for some time but we maintained extremely limited contact every once in a while (an email here and a phone call there). He was nothing but absolutely respectful and understanding to me. He was always a gentlemen even when we weren't together. We ended up getting back together several months later.

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So I take it she was verbally abusive to you for no reason? If so, maybe she was putting up a barrier around herself. Sometimes its easier to hate someone and to blame them for the break-up than to face up to the part you may have played in it yourself.

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Maybe she felt that by being verbally abusive to you, it would be easier to let her go.

 

Not the best solution, I know.

 

If she has already moved on with her life, you should try to do the same. It's your turn to be happy.. without her.

 

Hang in there.

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Unfortunately, some people need to make you into a villain before they can let go. Believe it or not, it's common enough to be textbook stuff in Psyche 100 courses. It can happen in families when an adult child moves out (and it's not always the kid who takes the tantrum), in friendships before two must part, in marriages when couples break up, even on jobs when someone gives notice.

 

One day you're dealing with a sane and mature person, the next they've regressed into a potty-trained monster who throws everything at you but a pacifier.

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