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I just need a little help =(


Confusedcat100

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So my ex and I dated for 7 years. We are both 21 now. We broke up back in October for about 2 weeks, and he wanted me back. Things were going really great until he broke up with me again in the end of January, and 2 weeks later he wanted me back. THEN I still took him back. and he did it AGAIN a week later. I know this sounds horrible, but he and I had a great relationship except from this last October to now. We both have never been with other ppl, because we were each others first loves, blah blah.. We are both Juniors in college, and I think this time its serious. He is seeing a girl he works with. the day he broke up with me ( a week ago ), he told me I am this great girl, but he doesn't know what he wants, and the feelings are just not there. He said that he doesnt want a girlfriend right now. I think this is so weird since its been 7 years.... I am really hurt. I have not spoken to him since, and I can honestly say I have never been this sad. We were so close, barley fought, and got along with everyone around us. Now he is just a changed person. He lives in the duplex above me and my four girlfriends. So I hear him up there, know when hes home, and everything. it plain SUCKS. I deleted him off facebook, so I dont have to see his stuff.. but for some reason.. I still find out things. I know we have to experiment with other people to know for sure, but I cannot stand the thought of him being with another girl. it feels like I am dying.. literally. I am not being a crazy ex girlfriend by calling or texting him. I am strong in that department. but I am hurting... I dunno how to move on. I am a cute girl..I know I can get others.. But i don't want others. I miss him. I want him. 7 years of my life with him, to not not even a friendship? Do rebounds usually last?? what I want most is for him to regret it, just so I can say NO. I will feel like I am in power then.. I dunno if that sounds dumb or whatever... but please help. how should I be feeling? is there a chance? I am lost. any support will help..

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I can so hear your pain hon ...my first BF was a similar relationship, 7 yrs, each other's first, etc etc...we did maintain a friendship for awhile, but drifted apart...but at the time it was so tough and achingly painful...but looking back, I know he was not "the" one, I am happily married for 15+ yrs to a fabulous guy, and I appreciate what I learned from that first relationship...but honey, wanting him to crawl back so you can say no and regain control...well that will only feel good for about a minute, and then it won't...appreciate what you have learned, treat him the way you would like him to treat you, and more importantly, the way you think he would like you to treat him (always maintaining your own self respect of course!) and be the bigger person...long term, that will be what makes you feel good. Successful relationships are all about throwing away your pride, but keeping your dignity

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Honestly it was an "up and down" process...the more I did things that I enjoyed, got excited about school/job/business/new friends/events etc, the easier it was...it was so easy for me to "wallow" in feeling down, and to invest so much emotional energy in thinking about it all, but when I made myself read a good book or go out with friends and start a new project, it helped...sometimes we just have to give ourselves a good kick in the behind, no matter how tough it is, and then we move to a place that was even better than where we were, even though sometimes it is hard to believe that is possible...and now I have an almost 13 yr old daughter who I know is about to begin going through this stuff...it sucks sometimes! I'm glad I remember so vividly how I felt, I hope it will help me help her through it all...

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You are welcome hon, and I hope it passes quickly for you too...and thanks, my daughter is a great kid, I know she will go through the ups and downs we all go through, I think my job will be to love her, respect her and support her best I can...and take her out for some "retail therapy" when she get's really down lol!

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I haven't ever been in that long of a relationship but I did have a long-term issue to get over at one point in my life and I was told that the problem didn't develop over night so the solution won't either. This is a long relationship you're coming out of, so it will take a long time to get over.

 

But I can tell you this, when my ex dumped me, I only wanted him back, but when I started dating my new bf, I would never want my old one back. Maybe if you get back out into the dating world, you'll find he's really not what you want anymore.

 

But keep in mind, you have to find a good guy for this to work, don't settle for any old loser and get more heartbreak.

 

Also, until then, find ways to celebrate being single. Just think, more time to yourself, no worries about trying to impress him. And who says you can't take yourself out for a date? Go see a movie either by yourself or even better with some of your female friends.

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hey, i just broke up with my gf of 2 years a month ago and i was literally in the same boat as you. not each others first gf and bfs but first loves. i knew i could get others but all i wanted was her but not even to have her back but just for her to want it again and for me to say no. i still do want that but i have moved on alot recently. i think time heals but also letting go does too. alot of people told me these things but it only clicked when i felt like i wanted to get over her even for the moment. the way i thought/think about it is right now you two are not good for each other but obvs there is something special. so get over him as much as you can but dont forget who he was when it was good. just dont think about him. ive set myself targets, like ive said in 6 months i may reapproach the situation with my ex and see how it is but till then i will leave it. i know the more i push the more damage i will do. one last thing is to show him no emotion. be civil and kind but dont show him how much ou hurt, that be through anger or tears. be strong and have a smile on your face but dont go out sleeping with every other guy because that will be seen as a weakness too (trust me, im on the recieving end of it). just do whats best for you at the moment. maybe something really casual, like a very lite relationship with someone which you like spending time with rather than a deep sexual one. or just stay single and spend alot more time with friends. dont seem desperate. stay strong because the stronger you are the weaker he will feel compared to you

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I totally understand that =) thanks guys!! today is a better day. I dont want to seem desperate either. I smack a smile on my face, because its a good smile. and live for today. I really believe everything happens for a reason.. and because I believe in that, I have to live it as well. I see him out a lot because we have the same friends, go to the same small college, but when he sees me, im a happy girl. cuz thats the girl he fell in love with in the first place.

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