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ex's birthday yesterday... should i still give him the present?


blahsquared

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ex and i broke up a couple weeks ago... because he was completely scared of commitment... it wasn't on bad terms, just sad terms. we claim to want to pursue the impossible path of friendship (i just want him back though, on my terms, so it's fraught with confusion).

 

i got him a birthday present but never had the chance to give it to him. it's a cool antique book, i have no real use for it, no one else would "get" it - should give it to him?

 

we've had limited contact... largely initiated by him... what do you think?

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As long as you have NO expectation that giving this present to him will have any outcome on the situation (hard to do I know), then I would give it to him. It's a nice gesture. But if you are expecting this to make him change his mind or hoping it will make him want to get back together, then you're better off not giving it to him because then you'll just be setting yourself up for a lot of anxiety and hope.

 

If you do give it, keep the message very simple. Just wish him a happy birthday tell him you didn't get a chance to give it to him and you would like for him to have it.

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ex and i broke up a couple weeks ago... because he was completely scared of commitment... it wasn't on bad terms, just sad terms. we claim to want to pursue the impossible path of friendship (i just want him back though, on my terms, so it's fraught with confusion).

 

i got him a birthday present but never had the chance to give it to him. it's a cool antique book, i have no real use for it, no one else would "get" it - should give it to him?

 

we've had limited contact... largely initiated by him... what do you think?

 

 

What do you mean you want him back on your terms?

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i was in the same boat as you. i bought my ex birthday present then we split because i wanted a bit more commitment and loyalty (i was other woman). and i really wanted to give his birthday presents to him, because i felt...i've bought them for him and i reall want him to have them so everytime he sees them it reminds him of me' and all the great times we have together. i also wanted to give him the presents because deep down a part of me wanted to see him again and hope he realises he's made a mistake and he'll fix everthing so we could be happy again.

 

i came to my senses i sent the presents back got a refund and bought myself 2 pairs of very girly shoes...that made me feel better.

 

my exes birthday is on monday....don't give your ex the present he doesn't deserve it or you, put it on ebay and sell it and buy yourself something nice.

 

giving ex present will give him mixed messages you'll make yourself vulnerable and open to manipulation.....love yourself and move on.

 

he doesn't deserve you if he doesn't know what your worth and value is to him.......he's probably let the best thing that has ever happened to him slip right through his fingers...

 

DO NOT GIVE HIM THE PRESENT

 

I'll let you know how i get through my exes birthday on monday...it might help you

 

annie

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I had the same dilemma for Valentines day. I had bought her a necklace that i knew she would really like back before Christmas, and she broke up with me at the end of December. I ended up giving it to her anyway, and she really liked it. It made me happy that she was happy about it (I'm in NC until i move on at the moment also, and i still would have done the same thing looking back with a clearer perspective). If it's something that you think he'll really like, then give it to him. If it's something that you're giving him just because you feel like you should, then don't.

 

Don't be selfish about it though. If you're expecting something out of it, then you're giving it for the wrong reasons. To be honest, when i read Annie's post, it just screamed selfish to me. It was a very bitter post and i would not follow that advice, not to offend Annie, but your breakup was not on bad terms. There's no reason for you to resent him, it isn't like he left you for someone else, or was abusive. He simply couldn't see himself having a future with you, and that's no reason to be mad at someone.

 

So basically, if you're giving it because you think it will make him happy, and that's what you SHOULD want if you really love him, then by all means, go for it. If you're giving it because you're expecting him to come back to you because of it, then donate it to the library, or a book drive. Just don't become a selfish person (Good life advice too, not just relationship).

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ex and i broke up a couple weeks ago... because he was completely scared of commitment... it wasn't on bad terms, just sad terms. we claim to want to pursue the impossible path of friendship (i just want him back though, on my terms, so it's fraught with confusion).

 

i got him a birthday present but never had the chance to give it to him. it's a cool antique book, i have no real use for it, no one else would "get" it - should give it to him?

 

we've had limited contact... largely initiated by him... what do you think?

 

Once again, a man breaks up with a woman and she wants to give him a gift...

 

When a man takes a step back, you take a step back. When he steps forward, you step forward. Its like a dance. By giving him the gift, you are essentially stepping forward, after he has stepped back. Most men will not appreciate that; your throwing off his rhythm. It will confuse him and he will most likely take another step back or stop dancing all together...

 

However if you want to lead in the dance and pursue him, then by all means give him the gift. I will tell you that most men do not like to be led by the woman, but prefer to be the leader instead. And by giving to a man when he is uncertain that the wants to give back, may make him feel pressured to perform. He may then perform for you because he feels obligated to, but it won't be from his heart.

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