Women who play hard to get.

[Nixee]

Girls who wants the guy to chase her, do all the work and initiate contact every time are not relationship material, atleast not for me. So no I wouldn't chase a girl even if she was intrested and it could lead to something, because if she really liked me she wouldn't force me to chase her.

 

I think you don't understand or misunderstand the meanings of the words "hope" and "reciprocity" .... why would you assume that means doing ALL the work?

 

If a girl truly is making you do ALL the work, then I would say, no... she isn't interested. In a true chase situation... where the girl is interested.. it is more likely that the guy will simply feel in the lead - like the aggressor. He will probably initiate contact more often, but not all the time. He will probably plan dates, offer to drive, be the first to ask her out and if he is the type.. sometimes give little gifts, etc.

 

Everytime I've been chased/pursued/wooed...just speaking from my experience.. that is how a guy has acted. Even when I've tried to step in and offer to meet halfway, he wished to take the lead. Now...had I never initiated any contact or shown any interest - never offered to do anything back at times (cook dinner, offer a suggestion for an outing, offer money etc)... the chase could end. That is reciprocity.

[Shudder]

i agree with this post 100%

[MakestheBest]

You mean well, though, and you certainly are a good debater!

 

------lol!

[galaxy71]

@galaxy-I don't believe I'm following what you're saying in your argument. There is a point where I respectfully believe that you have simply become angry at things that have happened in your dating life and are now demonizing and generalizing when it comes to women. A woman who doesn't return phone calls or sit still for conversations with you is simply not interested. There isn't much argument about that. Even if you chase enough to get her to go out with you once or even twice if she is not reciprocating she really isnt interested. So to continue when the woman is behaving this way is a bit creepy yes.

 

Ad hominem. You seem like a smart woman and you have some points. However, let's stop with the shaming, psychoanalysis please. We are discussing the issue here, not providing advice about my personal life. I request that you stop making things personal when I haven't made any comment about your personal life please. I prefer to keep things on topic. If you don't keep things on topic, I am going to end my participation in this thread.

 

 

You keep on ignoring my point. Guys are expected to show interest in women. Yet there doesn't seem to be as much pressure on expecting women to show interest in guys. Why is that? This one traditional female talks about how guys are supposed to ask women out, but women are expected to show interest through flirting. I really don't understand how not returning a phone calls or not being too available makes guys feel good about themselves. I just think that there are better ways of showing interest besides not trying to not appear needy and overeager.

 

Also "initiating a conversation/ returning phone calls" and a woman "chasing" are two totally different things.

In your other post, you mention how women don't approach guys. I think what it's important to realize is that the differences within a sex is bigger than the differences between the sexes. Evolutionary pyschology ignores the fact that people within a gender have different personalities.

 

Another thing about groupies. I see lots of women approaching painters and sculpters at an art exhibit. Are they groupies too or are they gravitated toward guys who have a passion in life and who share common interests?

 

You also keep on ignoring my point about how some guys on this forum have admitted that they got in a relationship when the woman took the aggressive role. I think what it's important to realize is that the differences within a sex is bigger than the differences between the sexes. Evolutionary pyschology ignores the fact that people within a gender have different personalities. A extroverted male might experience dating much differently than a male who is more quieter and subdued

 

I really don't know how chasing has anything to do with playing games. Since people chase other people all the time without resorting to playing "games". Whatever happened with communication and compatibility.

[MakestheBest]

Arghhh...I just spent forever typing in a long response to everything you said Galaxy and then the system kicked me out...don't have the heart to type it all again right now.

 

BUT:

However, let's stop with the shaming, psychoanalysis please. We are discussing the issue here, not providing advice about my personal life.

 

I'm very sorry you feel this way I was definitely not trying to shame you or even psychoanalyze you. 1) I was trying to understand you point of view with the bolded stuff, because I don't understand where you're coming from 2) When I used the word "you" I meant it generally as in saying "one". As in " When one tries to approach a woman, one can come off this way". i wasn't talking to or about you specifically

[Tanzi]

When it is just a game...I think it can be cruel. However it isn't always that simple.

 

I agree with this. I don't think playing games is always intentional. I think most of the time they just aren't as interested as you or, to put it another way, not moving as fast as you (or visa versa, of course). They hold back, not to play games, but rather not to give off false emotion or because they are just aren't feeling "it" in the same way as you are. It doens't mean to say that they aren't happy to see you again but maybe just aren't moving as fast.

 

I guess you could say that I am playing hard to get ... but then the person I am playing hard to get with is actually my ex. He is the one who ended our relationship yet he is the one that initiates all our contact. I have to hold back on occasions for my own emotional well-being. I felt him pulling me back in again recently which is unfair of him because he doesn't want to commit to a proper relationship.

 

However, judging by some of the posts on here people do seem to play hard to get for no reason other than to play a game. I'm not really sure what the point of this is as the ones playing the game are the ones likely to come unstuck. If something is "right" between two people then you will immediately click and be on the same level. If games are being played for whatever reason then quite simply things aren't "right" and if someone can play mind games in the beginning of a relationship they are very likely to play similar games throughout the relationship. At the end of the day, used in this way, it is a nothing other than a form of manipulation to get ones own way.

[banju]

People who put on a front usually find it difficult to maintain

 

That can be true but not entirely. There are a lot of girls out there who do exactly that and that is their life rule, not just in relationships and dating, in any circumstance.. and that is not to say they are being fake all the time, they are genuine also, they just choose to mix it up whenever they need to, which I think is quite normal.

 

No one woman can say that they've been entirely themselves from the start of a relationship, correct me if I'm wrong..

 

My girlfriends, they have the whole 'fake it to make it' attitude and they've maintained it for so long that it has become ingrained in them, this is now their personality, i.e. i don't even call it fake anymore, and it has made them more confident and attractive women. They transfer all of that into dating, the early stages of dating is (in my opinion) about impressing the other person not just founding out about the person which is a given. We don't all act ourselves on first dates otherwise they'd be quite boring which is sometimes the reason for playing 'hard to get'.

 

I know a friend who has put up a front so much that she seems like she is always acting (to me at least). Thats how she gets by, and she is attractive and has a magneticism that makes a man drool, she is always being chased but as you mentioned earlier when they do finally get to know the more subdued person they may lose interest, but that isn't always the case. This is a survival tactic and its the way us humans work sometimes.

 

For one, when I'm feeling like crap or insecure, for example at work or when I'm going out with my friends or BF, I fake it, he knows it, they know it and they don't have a problem with it as they all do it themselves, its my coping mechanism and I'm sure a lot of peoples also...

 

Slightly off topic but sure you get the drift..

[banju]

*edited* *edited*

[banju]

good post!

[FoxMulder]

I can understand that but the thing is... The man has to do all the work, initiate every contact and pursue the woman and convince her to be with him. Thats how it is in most cases. A woman would never for example call the guy or text him or plan a date or whatever... it would be nice if women would do that more often. But let's face it, thats not ever going to happen.

[Nixee]

I can understand that but the thing is... The man has to do all the work, initiate every contact and pursue the woman and convince her to be with him. Thats how it is in most cases. A woman would never for example call the guy or text him or plan a date or whatever... it would be nice if women would do that more often. But let's face it, thats not ever going to happen.

 

To be honest with you... it kinda sounds to me like you have a very negative view of things that just does not match up with the reality of the dating world.

 

I understand that this may be based on some bad experiences with some women who weren't right for you, or who really weren't interested... but I have to disagree with you.

 

I AM a woman.. and I have been "chased".. but I do still call guys. I will still initiate contact. And I have many times been equal in planning dates. It does happen ... all the time. My assertion is simply that a great majority of men actually don't prefer the woman to take the lead. You seem to be an exception.